Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

How to combat the winter blues? EASY! HARRY POTTER!

2012-02-09T20:58:00.002Z

I love this!!!!

Valentine's Day Blues?

2012-02-09T20:50:00.004Z

I actually quite like Valentine's Day. I can actually vow I have no reason romantically to love it, but I do like it. For the last few years now I have set up (with myself) "The Singles Club" where I will send out all my single girl friends a card just to let them know that I love them and spread the love & happiness. After all, Valentine's Day is about showing the love!

One word of advice though.... put your name on the card. You do not want your friend thinking that it is their secret crush. Epic fail on my part that time... :S

Other than that, my advice is always to spread the love!

Or, if you prefer not to subscribe to the commercialism, see here for amazing anti-Valentine's Day cards:

http://www.stylist.co.uk/life/the-funniest-anti-valentines-day-cards#image-rotator-1

(Link courtesy of Paddy Mayo!)

Happy Mailing!

Who Would Want to be a Writer?

2012-02-09T20:15:00.006Z

Hands up? Well, me.

Although I do realise that I have a complete lack of discipline when it comes to writing, I want to be a writer and I often make notes of things I would like to write about, but I lack the will-power and the confidence to sit and write.

There is often a strong element of self-reflection when writing, and since I suffer from the worst case of head-in-sand-burying you have ever seen, I often fear what I would write. And in equal measures, I fear what someone would think if they read it.

This leads naturally to the question I ask myself: why do I write? Why does anyone write?

Often it is to fulfil an egotistical urge on the part of the individual who believes that what they write is of some importance, possibly even of intrinsic value, to society. Others do it to assuage their feelings and to see their thoughts in words to analyse their thoughts, feel a sense of release; it can be comforting. It is usually these latter people who rarely get published. And it is also difficult to know how many of them there are out there that do this, as it can be a secretive business.

I like to write. I am an old fashioned paper and fountain pen type embodying a Jane Austen-esque approach, but in a way that I would not want my letters read etc apart from the intended recipient. Like Cassandra burnt her letters, I would like to think the same. Perhaps it is this historical and literature precedent that I adhere to that terrifies me from writing more in my diary? On the other hand, what I think may be more accurate is the fear of writing what I actually feel and facing up to it. I feel that what I write is inconsequential because what I write is a facade of what I want myself to believe.

Then the question arises... why I am I writing on here? Egotism? Probably. Feel that what I have to say is important? No. Not really. Seeking reassurance? Most assuredly.

So writing is this self-illuminating and terrifying ordeal, often prescribed for those with mental and/or psychological issues.

The next question then comes- are all those who write writers? In my mind, yes. In some bigoted literary view, probably not. But as Margaret Atwood states: "Pen is Envy".

A mock on the Freudian phrase 'Penis Envy', Atwood in The Handmaid's Tale shows how the ability to be able to write, to transcribe one's feelings is a feeling inherent to the human psyche. We need to share feelings. We need to express ourselves. To take that away is to deprive ourselves.

Therefore, this blog, which I waffle so much on, is more of a build up to writing, privately, what I want to be able write. To write publicly on topics distanced from myself, like to write or not to write, can allow me a cathartic assuage of thoughts which will one day amount to me finding the truth within myself.

Over the top? Yes. Over wrought? Oh, definitely. Feeling better? I can honestly say yes.

Even writing about the unimportant things in life can be the most rewarding process. Just to order thoughts articulately and convey them = one of the best gifts that make us human. From Charles Darwin to Charles Dickens, they would be proud...

(By the way, the catalyst to this waffling yarn? See here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2012/feb/09/author-film?CMP=twt_fd )

Coldplay, Paradise

2011-10-15T22:48:00.002+01:00

I am loving this song right now... It could represent me my life now, what i want my life to be and here I want it to go.

Can you not appreciate a song that can do that for you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8iVEtavOP0

"Feeling depreseed at all, Me? Why, yes, Me...." But it us a frickin' good song!

Am I a Moaning Ninny?

2011-10-15T22:32:00.003+01:00

Hi Guys,

Welcome to Me after my first day working at the NALibrary, on a Saturday... now I have moaned a lot on Twitter and Facebook about my journeys to work and that I am unsure about that I made the right choice about leaving my job at WC. So, here I sit after a month saying what now... what now indeed?

I thought that I love books, I love history, I love people, I love art, I love culture, I love libraries.... so why do I feel so out of the loop here? I am not sure. Previous workmates say it is just purely a matter of settling in. Something I wish I could do.

I am naturally an outspoken person, one with many opinions that probably ought not to be aired but thanks to the Castle and a sense of assertiveness, I have many an opinion that ought not to be aired too freely, but I do wonder whether the life of me as a librarian is for me. I love the idea of what I do as librarian... but I do wonder whether it will fulfil my love of history, art, culture, music, life... In fact I wonder often whether it will kill the best part of me that I had cultivated healthily at the Castle. I am a people person. And the people at the library prefer not to be working on the public side?!

Still, I feel that I am moaning a lot... I dunno what to say... am I just being grumpy?

Yes.

OK.

I will shut up.

Gawd, an answer would be so gratefully received. X

Unsurprisingly it has been a while...

2011-10-11T21:44:00.002+01:00

Well, what can I say? It has been a while.... AGAIN.

I will make no promises to blog into the void anymore, but only sporadically at best... and at worst, which as it so happens is more likely, when I feel like it.

I often think of being a writer but I think I lack the discipline to follow through my thoughts and certainly lack in writing them down, which I am sure I know is an epic fail in attempting to be a bit of a writer.

Anyhow, no blog of mine is incomplete without a bit of an excuse as to why the blogging void on NotSoSpotlessMind.blogspot.... so here it goes...

Well I have a new job. At the V&A.... go woooo-ooooooh. But it is taking some settling into. I have been here over three weeks now and I am as confused as I was when I started. There is very little structure in what I am expected to do, since my job role seems to move its boundaries depending on the need. Then there is the lack of banter. From a job where they bossed me around to one where I now am a ringleader and have to herd the troops into action. And by the way this is soooo out of the remit of my job description.

I have also witnessed the worst public speaker. Worse than me. And trust me I have been bad, but there is something about working as a tour guide for two years that just shocks that shyness and fumbling awfulness as a public speaker out of ya. Either that or it cracks ya. For me, thankfully, it was the opposite! still this poor bookbinder was hosting a talk on her exhibit and if she rifled that through that pamphlet one more time for an answer or what to say next I would have cried.

It is not her fault. But it was one time in a lot the past three weeks where I just feel slightly... I dunno... I wanna say superior, but that denotes a sense of harshness that I just don't feel. They are no worse or better than me. They just need to be trained.

Still, I am just waffling here... Needless to say, I have had a rough transition of being in the world of crazy eccentrics, tourists, banter from fellow wardens and great laughs...

Still enough bemoaning my status. It just takes time as everyone keeps telling me. I actually like what I do. Not taxing but quite good fun! Plus I get to stroke old and priceless thingies :)

Now I am watching Harry Potter 1 and harking back to my year 8 class when we tried watching it in French. I tried setting this one in German but it wasn't having it, which was a shame. Hearing Hermione say "That thing has a name" in German is classic... "Das Ting hat ein Namen?!" The French just sounded very swish and unfunny. Shame.

Anyhoo that is enough waffles from me after a a near two-month absence! :)

TV & Book Review: Game of Thrones

2011-08-16T11:54:00.004+01:00

Well, as a bit of a backwards person, I watched the HBO series first then began to read the books!! Well I need to make a little post here just to put out into the Bloggosphere out there that I am a huge fan!

Medieval fantasy at its best with great characters, a onderfully convincing fictional world full of gods, politics, culture and society that doesn't bore you to see or read about...

George R. R. Martin has made a truly fantastic piece of fiction. And some of the best characters to date...

Ayra- the youngest daughter of the House of Stark from the Northern town of Winterfell... a tomboy with such resilience. It is nice to see a female character in a fantasy novel with some gumption. To young to be made into a sex object which can happen a lot in the fantasy genre and this series is not without its sexualised overtones that can dominate some parts, she is the perfect age to come into her own and be herself. Daenerys is older and is more sexualised but comes to override the constraints that has put on her and shows a determined if flawed resilience of her own.

I love Ned Stark's bastard son, Jon Snow- he is a lush to look at and is a nice character full of torment and trying to prove his worth. I also love the bad-ass Tyrion, the dwarf of the Lannister family- enemies against the Stark family... he is both a hateful and endearing character... He is cleaver, hated by other characters, yet keeps proving his resourcefulness and worthiness not to be shunned for his disabilty which is constantly used to mock him!

So my tip is watch, read and enjoy for a complete transporting experience into a world of make-believe!!

Film Review: Glorious 39

2011-08-16T11:04:00.004+01:00

InternetMovieDataBase's Film Summary: 1939 is set between present-day London and the idyllic British countryside in the time before the beginning of the WW2. At a time of uncertainty and high tension, the story revolves around the formidable Keyes family, who are keen to uphold and preserve their very traditional way of life. The eldest sibling Anne is a budding young actress who is in love with Foreign Office official Lawrence, but her seemingly perfect life begins to dramatically unravel when she stumbles across secret recordings of the pro-appeasement movement. While trying to discover the origin of these recordings, dark secrets are revealed which lead to the deaths of some of her friends. As war breaks out Anne discovers the truth and flees to London to try to confirm her suspicions, but she is caught and imprisoned and only then does she finally begin to discover how badly she has been betrayed....

Disappointment, disappointment, disappointment.

It had so much promise but it failed to deliver...

A film about one family's involvement in the pro-appeasement lobby in the lead up to the Second World War is a unique topic rarely explored in films, but something that could have been given a long distance but which failed to explore its full range. Seeing how the upper classes were trying to achieve peace at all costs, something only touched on in films like Remains of the Day, and here this film does little to further the exploration of this theme...

Now all the underhand goings-on are uncovered by the eldest daughter (who isn't really their daughter?! No real solid reason given as to how she ended up in their family- just one of the many unanswered questions!!) Anne Keyes, played by the totally wonderful Romola Garai, is that daughter and she is captivating. A stella cast of Bill Nighy as Dad, David Tenant as friend of the family who died/murdered during the course of the pro-appeasement and Hugh Bonneville (also murdered) are also wonderful. So what is the problem?

Well, the plot for one. No ends are tied up. The many references to Winston Churchill by the anti-appeasement people in the film and the feeble attempts to try and contact him to tell him what has been going on never come to any fruition, although no reason is given as to why. The biggest plot hole is the end. After locking anne up for ages, they let her escape and escape she does until she returns as an old lady to confront her brothers and her prisoners, they thinking she is dead... No mention is made of what she did in all those years... Stephen Poliakoff the director and scriptwriter could have just honed this into a really spectacular and seminal film, but falls way short of the mark... such a shame because the cast were amazing and the theme ripe for the picking...

***

How times don't change... yet it flies by?!

2011-08-10T22:32:00.004+01:00

Well, I am sure there is much being said out on the blog-go-sphere out there, and I doubt I would add much to the analysis and critique of it. Still, it merits a mention only to say how utterly shocked I am about the widespread criminal activity across England. "Shocked" is a word that is being used, and has subsequently become cliched. In truth and without meaning to be cliched, I am horrified, disgusted, angry, sad and just blown away by the recent events. How did this happen? What makes people want to do it? Questions that have all been asked more than I could imagine, but just what the fudge is going on this week?

Is anyone else just bloody embarrassed to be English today? My mate text me from Africa and is like "I am ashamed to be English" and he is hardly visiting the most peaceful place on earth... I have a cousin in the Met, I have friends and family in London and Manchester, I have had fires in my village (not even the dodgy town side, Slough, but in my village!!)

With the three mindlessly motored... I cried when one of the fathers of the murdered men was speaking. I will own it- I sobbed. How can this happen?! I am so upset by this.

A good and trusted friend once told me that I am a simple soul. I see good things that many don't and I miss many bad things... but now I see and I can't see the good things in this. Let it end.

What a post to start on after a nine month absence from blogging... but a worthier post I don't think I have written.

So I put it out there to the void: LET IT END. NOW.

Still, this is not the first time we have riots (btw I really hatethat word... it is criminal activity) and I doubt it will be the last we will hear of this. So, it makes me wonder how much times do not change....

I cannot believe that it has been 9months since I last blogged!!! So much has happened, how so much as flashed by and how times don't change... what has changed for me?

Well, little has changed in my life. I am still in the same job, same lovelife status, still live at home with rentals, same old car, same likes/dislikes... however, I am having a good spurt of social life which I enjoy... although my bank account less so....

Still, here follows the ten things that have recently (or not that recently) occurred:

1) I graduated on 14th July from Royal Holloway. I now have a Masters in Gender and Women's History. Hell yeah! Eat my shorts!

2) I am a Round Tower Tour guide... less exciting, more hardwork, but enjoyable nonetheless...

3) There have been interviews for jobs wooooo.....

4) I am trying to teach myself German- it is surprising how much I remember and it is handy that BBC have pretty handy language pages!

5) Kate and Wills got hitched. Mam and I got merry on champagne, cheap wine and scones with strawberries and cream... gawd that was a fun day! Just chilled at home...

6) The final installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released.... this should be further up my list!! This was amazing, and I cried for a good 50% of the film! I am so impressed with the entire film except for the last scene which made me feel very awkward!

7) I got tickets to see gymnastics at the Olympics--- wooo yes, I am one of the elite few!!

8) I have started cycling again having de-cobwebbed my bike, washed it down and made it all sparkly! I have also taken up tennis again... good times...

9) I played in the Mens vs Womens cricket match at work and the Queen came- that was super fun although by the time I went to eat, hungry peoples had eaten most of the food which made me mad!! But we had photos with the Queen and everything.... good times!

10) I have been accepted as an early member of Pottermore.com :) this makes me very happy!! lol!!

Anyhoo... watch this space... I shall be hoping to keep this updated (so to with my Twitter account!!) Go the marvels of technology!!

After so long, how to blog now...

2010-11-16T21:25:00.009Z

177 posts, published 30 April 2010.

So, from that, how do I write this post? The first in seven months?

It is a toughy.

I could write about Remembrance Sunday, which like every year I cry when watching the Cenotaph highlights, as they are called- almost making them a football game that everyone has a huge lure to watch- it both disturbs me and uplifts me. It also has the ability to make my tears seems heartfelt or just overemotional. I find, however, the ability to both remember with empathy versus the almost media-frenzy need to watch it cheapens it. I could also write about the enforced social obligation to wear a poppy. As an aside, I wear it because I feel I want to, not because I feel the social pressure to do so. I wore it on Thursday and Sunday (an accidentally Monday because I had forgotten to take it off- was reminded at 9:30am to take it off, so no biggy.) As yet another aside, I like working Remembrance Sunday at work- the soldiers on guard as living proof that there is continued need for the armed forces, which thereby means death of yet more people in war. I also like it (possibly in a morbid fascinated way) that the whole castle bar a few people (namely unaware Oriental people and also loud American teenagers calling it "that Poppy Thang" and saying, "Naw can't be bothered, let's find the toilet....") ground to a halt. That is the whole place on a Sunday (albeit at a quiet time of year) ground to a halt. People bowed their heads, people thought. There was no falseness to it. Just pure thought. AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE ABOUT!!!

Well, I said what I would start my blog about and wondered whether it should be about that, and thus it has begun with a mini-rant.

It was unintentional, but obviously it has stuck in my mind.

There are many things to catch you up on. Hardly as important, nor significant, but news of some sort in the life of Not So Spotless Mind.

1) I found out five days ago I passed my Masters. I got a "good pass"- essentially 63% I think it was. It is the equivalent of a 2:1 at undergrad level. It would have been a merit had RHUL not continued with the 65+ rule, which means that is a merit rather than most university with 60+!! Still I am more than chuffed. I did become very disillusioned with academia and thought I would barely achieve above 50! Still hasn't made me want to contemplate a PhD after it though, I am glad to say!!

2) Today I dyed my hair black. I was not going to do it for a variety of reasons. Mainly I was too scared. Secondly, my mam would tell me off- 23 and yes, I am still scared of my mother. Thirdly, I have never dyed my hair before and thought I ought to give it a go and I always wanted jet black hair. It turned out alright. It went bright purple for a while in which case my initial fears were first confirmed, then after washing it out it has turned out alright. I told my dad, who hadn't noticed, though had looked at me funny for a while. My brother had not noticed, though asked if I was going out. Some five hours later, asked if I had sprayed my hair black with the can of Halloween stuff I had used (and had consequently taken me approx.45minutes to comb out.) My mother still has not noticed.

3) I have mixed feelings about something I did today. Some girl has been playing around with my brother and his mates for the last year and today she rocked up at our house unannounced with her lil baby boy. Now whilst I loved children, I made her stay outside the front door in the freezing fog whilst my brother come to deal with her. I had just woken up, was groggy, grumpy and definitely pissed off generally with her. Whilst being the complete boob he always is with her, he let her, apologised for me and in return she smirked and simpered at him. He ineptly flirted and I felt awkward whilst buttering my now cold toast.... still, I felt really bad because she did have a lil'un on her hands who was so unbelievably cute and whom I had left outside, yet at the same time, I am just fed up of my brother being the doormat, however willing he is to be one. ARGH- I am ranting again. However, I wish to divulge some of my guilt on the interneting-void out there. I am sorry for her baby boy, but not for her. I should have acted differently. But as my primary school headmaster say, like you can never scrap toothpaste back into a tube, you can never take back what you do or say once they have been squeezed from the tube. I have remembered that since I was 7. Still haven't learnt anything from it.

4) Will and Kate Middleton have announced their engagement. A work colleague and I were discussing this yesterday and we said we should put money on it being announced in the next week. We should have done it because we would have been rolling in it now!! Still, CONGRATS to the pair!! I am dead chuffed plus it means uber royalist trips to various royalist camps a la Britain!! Whoop whoop!

5) My sunroof is leaking. Not amazingly tragic news I know, but honest to God it is p*ssing down like a rain forest INSIDE my car!! I couldn't see where I was going and had to pull over to try and block it up with a pair of tights I always have spare in my handbag in case of an emergency and also a small beech towel I have carried in my car since someone left it at our house after a house party. I am unsure as to why I put in my car... Still the other day, it was cold and frozen outside. I spent ages scraping ice from my car windows with anti-freeze. I got into my car which should have been heating up nicely and discovered that it was still fairly chilly. After waiting ten minutes.... still nothing. Couldn't see out of my windscreen. I lent forwards to scratch the condensation to found half a centimetre thick ice on the inside of my windscreen. Ten minutes later and all five of my windows de-iced and my car smelling a lot like de-icer and now being some twenty minutes late for work, I left (slightly high from the de-icer fumes) for work! Lesson to be Learnt: Get up earlier on frostier days to de-ice both INSIDE AND OUTSIDE of my car. I bet Kate Middleton doesn't have to deal with these sorts of dilemmas!!

This blog has been a mixture of rants and thoughts. I hope to get this blogging ball rolling and not to leave it too long again.

Having watched Julie and Julia, or is it Julia and Julie? Well, either way the film with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams in- it has galvinised me to blog, and also simultaneously give French cooking a go. I thoroughly enjoyed the film. It is about a 21st century American woman cooking all the dishes from Julia Child's first cookbook within a year and blogging about it whilst trying to find herslef, whilst simultaneously storytelling Julia Child's life in post-World War Paris (etc). It made me inwardly chortle, giggle, laugh out loud and exclaim at the inanimate TV screen! It is an almost ChickFlick in parts, drama in others, modern historical drama in sections... It is definitely worth a watch. It is on Sky Movies now!!! Be there or be Square!!

So yes, a brief and almost definitely obscured and linear view of some aspects of my life since 30th April. Surely more will come thick and fast now I have got that stubborn fountain pen to flow with bootifully clouded dusk-blue ink....

Adieu for now...

PS. Song of choices of the moment:
a) The Writer- Ellie Goulding

b) Hit the Road Jack- Ray Charles- partly inspired by Strictly Come Dancing and Scott Maslen's (from Eastenders and The Bill) Jive on Saturday, which was amazing!! Great song choice and great dancing- made me place it higher on the playlist!!!

c) Anything by Skunk Anansie- anything sung my her can be amplified by fifty- she was wickedly amazing at V Fest 2010!!! I fell in love with her then!

Quick Update

2010-04-30T19:19:00.004+01:00

1) I met up with my Japanese pen-pal today- longer blog on this to follow! I had an amazing day and despite some lingual difficulties we cobbled together a very amusing and comfortable conversation! I had a really wicked afternoon!

2) I went to Camden and was ripped off by one fella who will be seeing me again next week, and given a discount by another lady because I was using a purse she sold to be ages ago! :) bonus! I wish I could have stayed longer there was a quartet on stilts playing instruments and singing, and generally it has been far too long since I have been there so it was nice to just have a wander around. Plus chinese pot for £3.50!? Have some!!

3) I have started my next essay reading- The role of the Virgin Mary in the Baltic Crusades of the 13th century. Can you get much further from Queen Victoria (my last essay)? I think not, but the reading is tres interesting and I shall no doubt try and keep you updated about all this jazz and interesting factoids I uncover.

4) I am really bad at texting people back. I will get on this. If you are one, my apologies. I am a shite friend.

5) It is Bank Holiday Weekend and I am looking forward to working. I am doing tours on Sunday and it is likely to be busy but they are the best tours. I have got some other factoids to throw in it as well to spice it up. My tours of late have been a bit lack-lustre. Of course, it does help that I am getting paid more this weekend :)

6) I am still poor. It is annoying but I am accepting it! I want a purple dress and since I am in debt anyway I am just going to go and buy it. It is £12 worth of joy I am willing to depart with.

7) I am getting back into cooking again, and it is all healthy!! I made Chicken a la Provincale (and that 'c' has a funny 5 underneath in). Tis French don't ya know... It was tasty and I am just nailing the juice/sauce factor at the moment. It was good, and I ahve some left for lunch tomorrow at work. Good times.

8)Hayfever- IT IS ANNOYING!! Apart from the fact that I can't afford to buy any more contacts, I can't wear them anyway because of the itchy eye syndrome!! Grrrr however I have blossom on my cherry-blossom tree. It is a sure sign of spring :)

9) After reading an Erica James book (one I have read a hundred times before) about a writing group, it has galvanised me to get back on the writing front again. Looking over some of my old stuff, it is good, but I can see where I ahve matured. Some of the descriptions surprised me, butthe turn of phrase in some parts was... to be honest cliched at best, bloody awful at worst. Still I am back on the writing front and venting all that fervour, the mental chaos in my mind. When I write, even here, I find that my thoughts seem to order themselves just by writing them down somewhere.

10) And finally, since I am poor- by the way did I mention this?- I am staying in a lot more but I am loving the fact that Jools Holland is back on TV. This is my Dad and I's favourite bonding moment of the week. We like obscure music, we relate to each other on two cultural things- films and music, though I am still trying to make him watch Blood Diamond and The Departed as two of the best films ever. He thinks I like them because Leonardo Di Caprio is in them. He is a hotty that I would happily stalk, but he is amazing in those films, a defo Daddy-friendly film.

And that is all for today, more updates as always to follow!!

The Essay Remission of Blogging

2010-04-28T19:30:00.002+01:00

As most university students will know, the first week of the summer term at university is essay deadline week! Also known as Uber Stress Week!!

I have just altered the amount of days I work, and moved it up to four days (work was really obliging for this cheeky effrontery- it hink i mean this word???-, which is truly very sweet of them to an obnoxious studenty type like me!!) My essay was due yesterday at 3pm- not 9 nor 5 but 3- right in the middle of my working day.... thus I was at university at 8:30am to pop it under the door of the MA history dept. I sincerely hope someone has got it!! lol!!

I felt very organised this time, which is good considering I have now become just slightly more than part-time AND I found out yesterday that I got a voluntary (i.e. not paid) position at the archives at work every Friday!! :)

This is amazingly brilliant news. It has put me on a high- definitely yesterday and also today and may it long last till into the future!! :)

This is really just an apology post for such a long time in blogging and also to have a little bit of a boast. I feel I haven't had one in a while.

So work = money = :) (plus I really do enjoy working where I am- I am actually half dreading the day when I have to leave like so many of my friends.)

And archives = personal happiness.

All good times!! I shall post something of interest soon!! I am thinking of something tedious on Queen Victoria (what my recent essay was on) and also meeting my Japanese pen pal, Masayo!! I am meeting her on Friday at Trafalgar Square for a bite to eat and a cuppa tea. She doesn't speak much English and I do not speak any Japanese so sign-language and a lot of smiling will have to suffice :)

Update soon... I promise :)

2010-04-19T11:42:00.004+01:00

I got back early evening yesterday from a weekend basically based in East Anglia. And I just realised something whilst travelling on the train, panicking that half the tube lines were shut and in my effing wisdom got on the wrong train to the wrong part of London where there were NO tube lines really running and I really HATE London buses. Apart from that I was having a minor epiphany.

My friend has got a new boyfriend and after a long time being single, she is saying it is hard work. Not that anything in life is always easy but you know... She has to think of someone else, when to meet them, etc and it is difficult. Now, I thought about me (as I always selfishly do) and wondered what I would do with a boyfriend. So long being on my own, and quite frankly 75% of the time I have been way happy to be just that, how would I adjust?

Known as "Lala" to my parents with a side portion of feminist cynic and alter ego DramaQueen, I don't think I would easily adapt at all. But on this train whilst mulling over my various fatal flaws, the inadequacies I have found in my life, and what I want from life I have come to the following thoughts. I would say conclusions, but that makes it sound so definite and certain, which out of all things, it certainly is not...

1) Yes, I want to travel and see the world. I would LOVE to see the world. I have a list of places and pictures and clippings from various papers and travel brochures. BUT. There is always a but. There are two things I need to add to this equation. One- I have not the funds to go further than Bury St. Edmund's, never mind flaming Bury in the North, and certainly not to go through Passport Control. Secondly- as much I want to see the world, there is no place I love more than home. Even though as uncool as it may seem, I live my rents. I love coming home. I would never live anywhere else I don't think. I may move to another country for a while, but always with the prospect of coming back home. I travel all over Britain visiting various friends, never really taking a foreign holiday, but then I don't need to. I don't have a stressful job, I read a lot so manage to control my stress by just leaving this plane of living for a while and live in the world of Percy Jackson, Harry Potter or Bella Swan- some kid who had an infinitely dangerous and exciting childhood. I love Britain. How confused I may have been to what is British, I know that I am. And NOT in a BNP kinda way.

2) I am never going to be wealthy. I have a good degree and can do anything with it, but I won't. I want a job that I enjoy, not that I will make lots of money from. I am square with this. I don't think I would want to be wealthy. I have a healthy respect for budgeting and surpassing it :)

3) Despite my mother's protestations that I am TOO picky and TOO serious and at the same TOO oblivious, I am quite happy holding out for "the right guy". I am enjoying my independence and I want to be a female version of Stephen Fry (albeit without homosexual tendencies), to live a bachelorette existence. I could be genuinely happy to never find anyone. That is scary, but also slightly reassuring. Anyhoo.

I love trains. They are my thinking places. Some people go for walks, me? I prefer public transport.

Anyhoo report on weekend antics sure to follow.

Also since I missed my 100th blog, this is my 175th I believe. I think I have waffled on for long enough!!

Stephen Fry flaying alive the Catholic Church: One Ex-Catholic's Views

2010-04-14T21:44:00.004+01:00

You may have noticed that I beginning to get my flow back on the bloggingness and I have been checking out some new bloggers, and having found one and finding this YouTube clip on their site, I would still be feeling confused as to how I voice some of the intense despise I have for the faith I was so strongly brought up in.

I was brought up a strict Catholic. I went to church every Sunday- made to recite all the prayers by heart, kneel at the right parts, scorn those who were clear outsiders for not knowing when to stand-up/kneel/other... I went to a Catholic nursery, a Catholic primary school, a grammar Convent school and when I hit a Left-Wing almost socialist university, I guess it came to a head what I was really thinking.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

I was uncomfortable with it long before this. It helped that my Dad's quiet Atheism counteracted the forcefulness of my Mam's faith, although I think she is not so strongly Catholic after divorcing my Dad and the reaction she got. But this counter-viewpoint always provided me with an axle with which I could step back and see two opposing viewpoints.

My Dad allowed by Mam to baptise both me and my brother a few months after we were born believing that perhaps it would instill in us some moral compass that perhaps had been lacking in his upbringing. (I have also been confirmed, and needless to say I have attended my Communion). I guess it did in some ways, and despite my sometimes intense dislike of organised religion, especially that of Catholicism, I won't regret it. I have an inbuilt system of right and wrong, almost- some may argue- to the point where I will argue the opposite of what I once believed in and to an extreme level. I am now very much a feminist, pro-life, pro-euthanasia and I often wonder what influence my education in Catholic institutions and within the Catholic faith had on me.

Taking a step back now, I can gain an open view and can understand how people can believe so devoutly. To the point on occasion that I can be jealous that I do not have the same hopes for my afterlife. (Of course, religion always crops up in death... curious, or as expected as that maybe...)

This clip of Stephen Fry on Catholicism, for the Intelligence Squared debate really got me thinking.

There is a lot inherently wrong with the Catholic faith but it hit the nail on the head for me.

I had a wild time once I reached university. Out of my homestead, away from most of my similarly educated friends and without such a strict force directing my moral compass, I "misbehaved". But Stephen really nails it on the head. The Catholic Church is NOT A FORCE OF GOOD. This is what he states. And with his usual clarity he states that the Catholic Church is obsessed with sex. Like an anorexic or the morbidly obese, this is the Catholic Church relationship with the Church in a "nutshell". Sex is "natural" and a "primary impulse" and to stop it is to deny the fundamental human nature. It is no different from saying that you deny yourself human contact, food or water. It would drive you mad or kill you.

NOTE: there is a great deal of historical literature beginning to emerge about the 'anorexic nun' and its connection to sex, self-denial, etc.

I would like to say that I never knew of any sexual abuse or anything whilst at school, but I can't deny that it doesn't go on. That aside, the money and wealth the Catholic church harbour, they do relatively little good with it. It isn't given away, they do not do earth-shatteringly religious or charitable deeds with it... They do not end world hunger... you know that they could probably begin to achieve that with their wealth...

And just as a closing point, Stephen pointed out how Thomas More, the torturer for what each Catholic now owns- a Bible in their own language- has now been made the patron saint of politicians by the current pope, I believe. What influence does history have on us? What sort of role model should More be to us? More accurately to politicians?

Just my deep philosophical thought of the day :) probably of the week :)

Highlight Of The Day

2010-04-14T21:04:00.005+01:00

My friend said to me today (paraphrasing) that when an old colleague gets back in touch with you, and THAT is the highlight of your day, then your life needs spicing up.

Well, no old colleague got in touch with me today. Nope, but the highlight of my day today was working out the geometrical issue of getting a too-large sofa out of a too-small door that Dad built. The first problem was overcome by taking the sofa out of the patio doors and turning it around in the garden before heading back in to find with the kitchen surface/large sofa/door frame issue it just wasn't going to fit.

Humph. Me to the rescue. Lift it above surface, Dad turn the corner bit there, then Bruva turn that there, and lower that end and shove and hey presto: I am a geometric genius and I didn't know it.

However I think the case was more that I was not doing any of the lifting, was standing back and could see the issues.

Plus side? Dad thinks I may be capable now of helping to negotiate and indeed have the privilege of carrying in the new, albeit smaller cream sofas. Praise Jeebus. Any larger and I suggest we take the roof off to get them in. Truly.

The highlight of my day yesterday by the way? Are you interested?

Well, if not, tough!

After the whole "You are so closed off, emotionally unavailable, defensive" etc comments from the Mothership over the last few weeks, I managed to pick up a 60 year old bloke in Tescos and only ten minutes before have an early 30 year old guy Tesco-worker try and chat me up about tomatoes... I told him technically tomatoes shouldn't be in the Veg section but the fruit, since they are indeed a fruit. Or even the salad section. No witty comeback unfortunately. I do this to try and make convo/see if there is any connection...

NOPE. "Oh right... cool tomatoes though" was the reply. Ah well. The 60-odd-year-old man it is!! I just hope "cool tomatoes" weren't an euphemism... or is "a euphemism"? It just doens't sound right with "an"... *ponders*

The Gentleman-Of-A-Certain-Age asked me whether I was married, had a boyfriend, who was the meal for, why was I drinking red wine on a Tuesday night... I concocted a great story- it is my friend's birthday (thus the birthday card I was buying- I lost the really cool one I had bought some time ago for this occasion grrrr) and I was cooking her dinner. *I wasn't by the way- the dinner was for Mam and Bruva whilst Pops is on business meeting away and the red wine was to steady my nerves about the imminent food poisoning and also delving into my deepest flaws, which seems to have becomes a nightly fascination*

Short of inviting himself for dinner, he said he will pop into 'Kew', the ladies clothes shop that I said I worked part time in. (In fact I went to an interview before my summer job at WC came up and they said I had no fashion style. I was offended at the time, but now I am just pleased.) We have enough funny characters around the castle without inviting more... I know I lied and I am going to hell, but both our dignities have been preserved and I did genuinely have a nice chat with him. So much so I blogged about him, right?

So, in summary, that is, or rather, they are my two highlights over the last two days!

Spice up your life? Nah, thanks! I can barely handle this one!! lol!!

Make-Up Free

2010-04-13T11:17:00.004+01:00

I HAVE BEEN MAKE-UP FREE FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS.

Now this may not seem the revelation to you, but I literally cannot go a day, especially when exiting the homestead, without a bit of make-up on. Some days it is not the full works, just a bit of concealer for that stubborn spot, a splash of coloured lip balm and a quick flick of mascara and I am done. Other days it is the full works- concealer-ville, foundation, eye make-up, eye liner, eyebrow marker, blusher, more concealer, powder, tons of mascara and uber amounts of lipstick and lip gloss. What can I say? I AM REALLY VAIN. I won't even go into hair routine, although I have come up with a 'cool' wild look that involves some wet hair and a bit of mousse and let it be free = big 1980's hair = :D. Otherwise straightening for the wild tresses takes TIIIIMMEEE!

I have always said that you've got to work with what you have been given. Now, there isn't much that I like about me, but hair, eyes and boobs. Emphasise that and hopefully I will stumble through life with an ounce of self-confidence.

Now, a lot of people, namely close friends, wonder why I bother. It is not like I do the boyfriend/dating thing. It is not like I do go out a lot. It is not to impress people. For me, make-up is like painting on a face for the outside world. A bravado I can hide behind. I think it probably stems for wearing uber amounts of make-up as a small child when I was dancing on stage- yes, we are talking lots of blue eye shadow, huge eyelashes, bright red lippy and pan stick of the deepest orange you could find!! Then we were painting on a persona. I guess it has kind of continued.

Now today I am going without the make-up comfortable in my own skin!

It helps that my skin is really clear- an additional bonus for losing a stone since this 'hypnotise yourself slim' course I did at work. I have had a bit of a naughty week filled with mini Lindt eggs that I got for Easter and I had tea and toast at 11pm last night, which is bad but to be honest I stayed up till half two, first watching a scary horror movie called The Messengers, with Kirsten Stewart in (from the Twilight movies) and the cool dude from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Raising Helen, who was really evil in this film. Then I had to stay up an hour and a half afterwards to try and get over the repercussion of watching a scary movie so late at night!! I read a chick flick (Erica James of course) in an attempt to find my happy place again.

So apart from the bags under my eyes this morning, I feeling pretty damn good about noooooo make-up and I shall be visiting Tescos and the post office today so I shall exeunt house unlike yesterday.

So that's all for now folks, another rambling post!! Happy Tuesday!!

Something of a National Identity Crisis?!

2010-04-12T21:07:00.006+01:00

Spurred on my receiving yet another amazing gift from my Japanese pen-pal (this time the most beautiful book ever of photographic views of Japan and all written in English- so no need to bust out the ye olde Japanese dictionary!) but it made me wonder: WHAT IS TRADITIONALLY ENGLISH?

Now, I am not going all BNP on you or anything, but I am generally not sure what I can send back. We are such a mish-mash of cultures, which I personally love by the way- I like being able to get decent Indian curry paste and Polish poppy-seed cake from my high street- but it throws into question whether my friend will think I am being obnoxious/weird/odd/other to send her what is technically another culture's object (for want of a better word).

Now tea is a traditional English thing, but to be honest I think Japan has enough tea leaves to be going on with. Plus I am fairly sure we still import all tea leaves from Asia. Maybe a teacup??... Tis puzzling me... And in addition to me worrying about what to send and what is appropriate, I am also concerned at the same time by delineating this some much, am I being racist? ignorant? other? I am unsure. However, I am fairly sure my mother would say I am looking too deep into this!!

I am sending her a Cadbury's 'Creme Egg' for Easter (yes, belatedly so) but I thought that was fairly iconic English item, right? I also sent her some cute, kitschy English-related Christmas trinket things along with the necessary "Mars" bar- made in mine home town SLOUGH! Yay! Give it up for Slough... or... not? I also home-made the box it went in with all manner of ice-skating polar bears and cute Christmas-decorating penguins and ballet-dancing angels. You know. Real kitsch stuff. I like that kinda stuff and I think we English do that well...

Anyhoo the problem still stands, what is English and packageable to Japan? Shall I send her the entire collected works of Jane Austen in Japanese? Dickens? A teapot? A teapot probably isn't all that travel safe by royal mail to be honest...

Well, what really got me thinking about this was reading the foreword of the book I was sent. It is written by the fashion designer Kenzo Takada, and really highlights how he found his own national identity whilst in Paris, so maybe I should take myself off somewhere and find what is typically British or English... that would be nice, eh? :)

So this is a part of what he says: "2005 marks the fortieth year since I left for France to try my hand in the fashion world. At the time, I doubt I really gave much thought to Japan's traditions or the country's culture. Of course, Japanese culture has, like a cut diamond, many wonderful facets... Strangely enough, it was only after I had started living in Paris that I came to realise the value of Japan's traditional culture. When I had my first show as a designer and began thinking about who I was and what I was doing, I came to the conclusion that my identity lay in my home country, Japan, and in Asia."

I don't see myself as "European" as Kenzo locates himself not only within his country's borders but within his land, although some might, but I do consider myself as British but short of sending chicken tikka masala, fish and chips or bubble-and-squeak, or even alternatively some chintzy cushion covers, I am abashed at how to reply. However, as an aside, I think as a people, the British suffer severely from Island syndrome. We are part of the continent yet physically not really.

In addition, Masayo (my friend) always sends me the most amazing cards and letterheads ever! I mean really nice. Even in Paperchase and other fine stationary-related places I have been unable to find writing stuff to parallel this!! When I have a functioning camera again I shall be taking pictures of it all for you!! Please let me know of anywhere good to get great writing paper!!

And running simultaneously to this self/national identity crisis I/we are having, I am reading about Queen Victoria and how she made the national identity by being a passive female, yet a strong ruler and combining different levels of her own identity to fit in within that of society's and at the same time influence it. With that I am also looking into the Great Exhibition of 1851- I would love to go back and see this in the flesh; I think it would have been truly amazing! The Great Exhibition was about promoting market competition, providing 'rational recreation' for the masses i.e. education, it was to show off the best of what Britain and its colonies had to offer, to promote world peace (enter Miss World) and help all nations to follow Britain's great steps to 'progress' themselves and reach the ultimate civilisation. Modest, weren't we? Lol.

The Victorians really had it nailed what they were, what they wanted and quintessentially what was British. Foreign influences were introduced as part of the everyday culture of Britain (like the Great Exhibition) but yet it was always distinctly different. Perhaps I am not as confused as I thought- despite tikka masala being invented over here and not in England, I still realise that it is really an 'Indian' dish. That 'separateness' still exists in some ways, but hopefully that irritatingly superior tone of the Great Exhibition is absent from today's discourse. In fact on a political note, I don;t think we could lead anyone to "progress" and "civilisation" now.

On an additional and ironic note, the Crimean War ended the "world peace" and international trade competition fairly rapidly after the Great Exhibition had concluded... just under 3 years I think???

However, all thoughts and ideas welcome... I am going to stop waffling. I apologise for the very extended and weird rant. I have been sitting at this computer now for 8 hours researching into "civic publicness" of Queen Victoria and perusing hundreds of The Times newspapers :)

Nighty night, looking forward to a less-confused-more-happy-bunny tomorrow!!

FLIP FLOPS

2010-04-09T15:00:00.004+01:00

I was listening to Fearne Cotton's Radio 1 show, like I do most days, and the last couple of days she has been galvanising people to set their feet free and wear FLIP FLOPS whilst the sun is out. After all, we jokingly said last year, in the Spring, that this is our summer, and lo-and-behold our summer wasn't that great!!

So today I re-painted my toenails an electric blue and donned my most comfortable pair of flip flops- black with silver embroidery- after all it is the second time wearing them this year and you really need to break them in! It felt good. I busted them out in Asda and everything, though it was a mite chilly in the refrigerated section.

I was a late comer to the joys of flip flops, but now I have found them in my life I am enjoying them immensely. I think it harks back to the days of dancing ballet en pointe and having cracked toenails, blisters, and general ugly looking feet that I am now basking in their reflected light of joy!

So for those of you living in the British Isles and hoping to tempt the sun into staying out longer, wear your flip flops. Cast aside the sock, trainer, boot and closed-toe shoe. Let your feet breathe and feel the freedom of Spring!

Film Review: Alice In Wonderland

2010-04-07T20:53:00.004+01:00

I went to the cinema for the first time in AGESSSSS to see in 3D Alice in Wonderland, the latest Tim Burton/Johnny Depp/Helena Bonham-Carter team up.

It was IMMENSE despite some of the negative feedback it has received. I believe on IMDB.com one person has called it "the most generic and heartless Tim Burton movie since Planet of the Apes". OUCH! I am a huge Tim Burton fan and an even bigger Johnny Depp fan. In addition as lady crushes go, Helena Bonham-Carter is a hotty (Mainly due to her work in A Room with a View, Howard's End and Bellatrix in Harry Potter to be quite frank!!) SO despite the love going on there, as quality of films go, in short, I was not expecting a helluva lot from this movie. The tide of criticism was as high as the white cliffs of Dover from some people who are even bigger fans of Burton than me... HOWEVER. I was completely blown away by it. I really loved it and I will be purchasing it on DVD when it comes out!

A stellar British cast was involved including Barbara Windsor as the doormouse (Peggy from Eastenders for those commoners who do not know her for her Carry On movies), Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat (I bloody love that man!), Helena Bonham-Carter- of course-playing the Red Queen, Alan Rickman as the blue Caterpillar- I could recognise that man's sexy voice a mile off, and Matt Lucas playing both Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

We also have Anne Hathaway as the White Queen with some weird hand/interpretive dance gestures going on, Johnny Depp (phwoar) as the Mad Hatter with a pretty fabulous dance at the end (FACTOID: Hatters often when mad 18th/19th century; it was the mercury they used in the hat making process that had psychotic side-effects and often altered their hair colour, so Depp's exotic hair colour is not too far from the truth.)

As character's go, they were well developed for a big blockbuster. Depp played at times a deep and sensitive Mad Hatter; Helena Bonham-Carter as a "Just Wants To Be Loved" evil character- insecure and in deep need of psychiatric help; Alice was the nuts though. Played by Mia Wasikowska, a newbie to me as an actress, Alice came to life. She was a character that you could invest in... well emotionally I guess but then I think that maybe a bit too exaggerated, but because you believe her to be a real character with charm, wit and smarts that you kinda get involved with her working out the plot of the dream/world she is in. I read a review on a fellow blogger's site and she kinda nails it. There are no good, strong heroines out there in films or in books at the moment. There is a deficit of female gumption, as Eli Wallach's character (Arthur) puts it in The Holiday to Kate Winslet (Iris). Great film by the way if you want to see a great chick flick.

This lack of female strength and being a bit flimsy is kind of inherent at the moment in life, but Alice has managed to claw back some ground previously lost. I know I do go on a lot about femaleness and feminism and just the need to prove ourselves (of which my mam says to me I push too far and alienate people- which again may be true- but I shall avoid the delving into my deepest character flaws to another time) but there is just such a lack of gumption, and I really can't find a better word for it, that we really do need to alter.

BACK TO A LIGHTER NOTE! Artistically the film was a triumph. Absolutely stunning. I never got to see Avatar but I can imagine what it would have been like. Wearing the fifth-time-hand-me-down 3D glasses and eating jelly tots and 'lips and teeth' sweets whilst swigging Pepsi I had a thoroughly great time. Of course, the company really made the day *hugs*. The film was just the icing as they say, but of course any day with Johnny Depp is, by far, a wonderful day well spent :)

From "Poundlund" to free parking (always a bonus for the newly initiated driver) what an immense day. Epic triumph in sort. Slough didn't let us down :) Yay!

PS. Also a shout out to the costume designer- amazing!! Just Alice's dresses were fabulously thought out alone!!

Cliveden, Buckinghamshire

2010-04-07T19:58:00.009+01:00

Some photos I stole from Google. I forgot to take a camera/own a camera. Epic fail on my part!!

I remember visiting Cliveden for the first time when I was 15. I went with my best pal at the time and her father. She was, and still is, a last minute ninny and had to finish her GCSE art project. She had done the final piece, I think, but you had to have all the back-up research stuff, which, of course, she hadn't done. So we went to Cliveden to photograph trees- this is my friend who got me into my love of tree- and church-hugging. A great pasttime by the way!!

So we climbed hills and photographed trees and had chicken pie and scrambled over fallen trees trunks and slipped on slimy wet rocks. It was a great day.

The last time I visited it was to see a Shakespeare play in the outdoors, Much Ado About Nothing I think it was. I went with my friend's family again but not with her randomly. It was a really great night, sitting out in the last remaining sun of the summer holidays, having a sandwich or sausage roll and a bottle of beer.

Today I went again. It was glorious sunshine yesterday when we planned to go, but typical English weather as per usual it was a dull grey and drizzly. I had a cuppa tea at her house and chatted with her mam whilst catching up on gossip, new clothing purchases and drooling over the hunks in the Chippendales programme (they went to go and see them :>). We then went to Cliveden. We sat and chatted for ages at the "Canning tree" (named after the Prime Minister, who committed suicide in his bathtub I believe- WRONG= I just Wikipedia'd it- it was his enemy Castlereagh who did that... damn, giving out false factoids...). I gave some boring historical factoids and she some botanical info. It was all very anoraky and great! It rained a little and we frolicked in the fountains and larked around the trees and random buildings placed throughout the garden. I was a lovely day just chatting about boyfriend issues (her side naturally), friends, life, etc. It was like the old days but we felt more grown up now doing this without parentals.

I bought my nan a birthday card and sent her a flower from the garden. I hope she understands and doesn't think I am just being random.

That is my day in summary with a little harking back to some good old memories of my school years. I did nothing on my essay despite my good intentions, but I am absolving myself since I haven't blogged this month yet and I am making up for lost time.

Tomorrow I am getting up at 8:30am and getting straight on the essay. No shirking tomorrow. I will have done all my primary research and will be typing up all my notes from my secondary reading. I will make progress tomorrow!!

As for now, more posts to follow...

for more info on Cliveden House and Grounds: la voila!

SINGSTAR NIGHT

2010-04-07T19:35:00.002+01:00

So, I guess I have kept you waiting long enough to find out the climax of the much hyped SingStar night...

Well truth of the matter is, I do not remember much. I woke up with more bruises than someone been dragged over a pot-holed two-mile road, I had a hangover that allowed me to move, but want to throw up at the sight of alcohol/food, and finally the washing machine full of freshly washed bed linen, shirts and towels told me someone had a throwing up session.

On retreating back to bed after a momentous drinks-can-clearing and surfacing-wiping session, with floor-sweepage-and-moppage thrown in for good measure, I cleaned up the rest of my friend's sick. The flashbacks were really starting. My friend had thrown up in my bed and had tried to turn the pillow over to hide it. It covered a lot of my bookshelf too. My poor beloved books. Sometimes I wonder if I love my books more than people...
I remember the relationship breakup with resulting peoples going missing and the drunken mission to comb the streets finding them. I remember harrassing the pizza man and the unfortunate man who found us a 4 in the afternoon drunk as lords but still trying to sell us cleaning stuff.

I remembered having an hour or so clearing up the pools of sick around my room and on my mam's fairly new cream carpet. I remember scrubbing with all my life. I remember the frustration of everyone saying leave it till tomorrow. I wish I had but then I know it would have been so much harder to shift and it is all the more do-able when pissed yourself.

The bruises after a long batch of texting various friends I ascertained came from me falling down the stairs. Apparently I hit every step from the top to the bottom, punctuating the rapidly falling silence in the kitchen with a fuck, shit, bollocks and climaxing with taking my friend's feet out from under her and sending us both hurtling down the remaining stairs. Thus resulting in the bruises.

Before this I also thought it would be immensely amusing to try and beat up brother's mate in a play fight. He is karate trained. I lost. Badly. However, I found "Dangerous Woman" written on a bit of paper on my bed. :P I love my Lil Bruva's school friends; they're all like mini other brothers. Very odd kidz but I would take them all home when they have been out on the Razz with my brother- none of them are as large as my brother nor can hold quite as much booze. They really make me laugh, really like my brother. They are jokers in short. And as my mother keeps telling me- I am far too serious and need to lighten up "if you want anyone to like ya!" Thanks mam, but maybe she has a point huh?

So SINGING- it was a SingStar night right? Well, I don't remember what I sung but apparently my version of Amy Winehouse's Rehab was awful so I am told. I think we may have to do it again but with a little less booze and a little less sick, and also without the relationship breakup with which I had to deal amongst my other domestic duties. Man tears were something I could not handle whilst pissed as a fart. His girlfriend rolling around on the lawn being sick and crying was also something that perhaps gave me less time to participate in the Karaoke. However, all in all these are what makes the memories of the night. What a random night all in all.

Next time, we need more pizza, I need to eat both lunch and dinner. I need to avoid the whiskey, the blackcurrent "Sourz" shots, the vodka shots and Lambrini- yes, because girls do wanna have fun and just for the record, yes it may be a "Chavvy" drink but I can handle it a whole heap better than the whiskey I was drinking. I am shuddering now thinking about it!!

Also on a plus note, we have oodles of booze left. Two crates of beer, two bottles of wine, a bottle of Lambrini which has since been recently drunk :P, two bottles of vodka, half a bottle of whiskey and some cider. A good return I feel for my cleaning antics, although I doubt I will be touching the whiskey in a hurry. I may have to return it to the friend who broke up with his girlfriend. I fear he may need it more than us :)

Most of all the paper plate art and messages that were left were immense. They said thanks and sorry, etc. It was real nice touch. I think it went well. I had a good time!! Rob my bruva had a good time. I guess that is all that counts.

I have regained some of my dignity and my foot is now slightly less blue and more able to walk on (my latsing physical proof of falling down the stairs). We are almost recovered housewise and life is going back to normal. Next time I want a go on the Abba SingStar which I missed out on this time round!!

That is all folks on the SingStar partyness :)

Brief Update Before the Chaos Ensues...

2010-03-26T17:03:00.003Z

Okay so it is Friday, THE Friday before the SingStar Extravaganza. Am I hyping this up too much?

I think I may be.

I have been warming up my vocals by singing in my car to Abba, Duffy, Lady GaGa, Florence and the Machine, The Killers, etc whilst stuck in traffic in Egham/Old Windsor of all places!? However, there was a major crash, and little car is now a very tiny car that a dwarf possibly would not fit in. I am hoping the people inside were alright. The Van on the other side seemed pretty badly damaged but still van-shaped. I think we can work out who won the Van vs Small Car competition. It made me and Lil Beryl worried and very nervous. It could have been us, that little red car crumpled.

So I was warming up vocals, passing by bits of car and bopping as I have been given to doing of late, and I was pondering life. As you do. It ain't half bad. So maybe like yesterday's post of "Happy Thursday", this is a bit of a "happy Friday!"

I am a bit of a gimp when it comes to social interaction with unknown/strange peoples but "The Crusaders" are like some of the nicest welcoming people ever on a historically based course in the world!! I haven't been to every historically based course in the world, but I still know that they would be tops! They really welcomed a stoopid, non-crusading, doing-this-for-a-lark-cum-it-interests-me as I was. Genuinely amazing to see them in Crosslands today :) Very nice bunch.
Also had a small amount of chillax time with Lucy and co. Will meet up with her over the Easter holidays for some Essay downtime and lunch procrastination- part of the university culture is to procrastinate by eating. I am down with this!

So yes, all round social thumbs up, all round vocal high five and also got thrown a couple of books by the legend that is Jonathan Phillips (Prof. btw) so I hoping these books will make my essay marvellous. One can only hope.

On a penultimate note, I am going to the pub tonight. I am driving = no drink = good for impending doom of the bank balance. I also have the wondrous sum of £9 to spend tonight on all manner of non-alcoholic beverages. That is my budget and I am sticking to it! We are trying a new pub which is called "The Vanny" by its regulars. Should be interesting. I will give full report Monday/Tuesday time. Right now, I am thinking I need to read those books and clean the upstairs bathroom before the party tomorrow.

And on a final note it is indeed SingStar Extravaganza tomorrow. I will also give you an update of how this goes with some possible photos and almost certainly no voice recordings. I shall not put you through the ear death that will be any inebriate singing at this party. Full update to come beginning part of next week!!

Signing off for the weekend...

HAVE A GOOD ONE EVERYONE!!!!

Happy Thursday

2010-03-25T21:09:00.004Z

I guess I need to start coming up with better titles than the ones I use.

But then again it is kinda to the point!!

I am thinking that today has been a good day.

I have procrastinated from doing history reading/historical thinking of essayness... that is pretty much standard.

I have discovered some CDs to bust out to pre-Karaokeness at Karaoke party- sorry, sorry sorry "SingStar" party. For the uninitiated it is basically Karaoke on the Playstation. We need to get drunk before any Karaoke is partaken of. These CDs my brother made for my mam's 50th birthday party but never bothered to write what is on each CD so obviously apart from listening to some ace tuneage (and also some truly shite tuneage) and having a bit of a bop along to old skool tracks, I had to work out what was what on each CD. We weren't allowed to go too new in June 2009 for the majority of the attendees were of the same ages as the rentals but without the updated taste in music (to be fair both my Rentals love Radio 1 like me :>).The non-Radio 1-ners would stereotypically bust out phrases such as "in my day music was not this loud...." "what racket is this?!" and "this is music?!" Some of which had been directly applied to my music. Muse was contraband item for her birthday bash and Queen for my brother was also a no-no, but still he managed to sneak not so subtly two Queen tracks onto pretty much every CD. Love his work, love it! Wish I had been so bold!

Anyway back to the point, so I was procrastinating with a little bit of dusting the lounge and tidying the sun room and also a bit of the downstair's WC U-Bend cleanage too whilst trying to work out what song was playing. It was a mix between "Never Mind the Buzzcocks" Guess the Tunes round whilst trying to hear the music over the gargling of the washing machine near the toilet and a Pub Quiz- of Guess the Track Before the Lyrics Start- ever do that?? Well I was goooood.... but then it does help that me and my brother tend to toe the same line where music is concerned. Well, most of the time. He did call Muse shit for a long time, but he came around in the end when I dragged his arse to see them live. That was a great day!! Without me Bon Jovi would never have been a love, nor Muse and Aerosmith. What can I say? I think for myself as a Demagogue of Music to my Lil Bro. He would kill me for saying that.

BTW- I had to make sure I was using the word Demagogue right- here is the definition: demagogues - Charismatic leaders willing to use emotionally-manipulative appeals coupled with simplistic and subjective explanations to mobilize constituencies... (from publiceye.com) I think ti may be fairly accurate :)

But on the other hand I also would like to claim ignorance when he starts on his uber cheesey style music- I am talking love ballads with eyes closed hand held out in front of you- those kind of love ballads. Oh yes.
There is a time and a place. For me... it is rare, verging on never. But then I am a love cynic so it fits my bill that I listen to Muse where we talk of "I can't remember when it was good, moments of happiness elude... and I feel my world crumbling, feel my life crumbling, feel my soul crumbling away.. watching the fantasies decay" (Falling Away With You) and "You will suck the life out of me" (Time is Running Out).

Anywoo I had a wicked time having a bit of a bop around the toilet this afternoon...

Now I am thinking I ought to get back to the Virgin Mary as a tool in the Crusades in Medieval times.

Sometimes the simple things in life can just be to easy to enjoy, so today, or rather tonight, I am going to grasp the simple things and enjoy them, for no doubt another day when I want to moan will be fast approaching!!

Paramore in Radio One Live Lounge

2010-03-23T21:43:00.003Z

Just in contrast to Cheryl Coles' debarcle in the Radio One Live Lounge, I was pondering what else youtube.com had to offer of the joys of Live-Loungeness... apparently a lot!! And it was here I found one of my fav bands at the moment performing really casually, and in relaxed and less hyped up setting "Ignorance", one of their singles. A-MA-ZING. Totally brill. Check it out. Best four minutes of your life.

And you can so see in the boys' faces half way through that they know that they had totally nailed this track. Hayley was singing with her eyes shut, knowing the timing, pitch and rhythm of all of the song without looking to the boys for reference or reassurance. It was the exuding confidence that is so captivating. She believes in what she is doing I guess. Cheryl Cole, on the other hand, bless her, had a hand constantly pinned to her ear-piece throughout the majority of her live version of "Parachutes".

It was a nice piece to watch. Young people have got it going on!!!

Cheryl Cole Radio One Live Lounge

2010-03-23T21:27:00.004Z

Now I have every single Radio One Live Lounge album, just because YES I AM that sad. However, it says something. I like people who can sing live and kinda put themselves on the line singing something out of their own lil genre. Cheryl, I think, did neither. She isn't the first, nor I doubt the last the fail to accomplish both these aims behind the concept of Radio 1's Live Lounge but there you are. As a high profile character she almost had a duty to do it well, especially since her 'singing', or rather more accurately miming, was so out of sync on the Brits. It is really her time to prove people that she is a music artist, not a WAG with marriage difficulties.

Now Cheryl... well, I do have a wee bit of a soft spot for her, but Jeez she can't sing. I know she has had bronchitis and all that jazz, but above is her cover of Owl City's "Fireflies". I think she sounds flat and a little bit out of her depth.

On a lighter note her songs "Fight for this Love" and "Parachute" I really like- to the point where I knew the words to "Parachute" without realising it was her singing it... She is a lovely lady who has done charity work and I do just like her personality. But her role on the X-Factor has gotta be called into question, surely? Judging live, raw singing talent... but then to be fair we haven't exactly heard Simon Cowell pipe out a few notes have we?

Anyway, try and enjoy the above video nicked from you del tube :)

SMILING DAYS

2010-03-23T11:53:00.005Z

I am glad to inform you that I have managed to find my happy place again!!

Money worries have been replaced by applying for more days at work which has been duly noted and things are in motion to get it going, so I will be working within the next month four days a week, which my bank manager will be very happy with. University work will be taking a backseat, or rather I will just have to get my arse into gear.... or a into g (my new favourite phrase of the week) and get my Victorian Essay done over Easter and get my Crusades one done ASAP and the horrid philosophy of history one done before end of May too. The project is gonna be a bit of a further delve into my undergraduate dissertation so I hoping that this is gonna be 'easy', maybe I should say easier??

In addition, I am two pounds away from losing a stone (which was my end of March target), which is immense. It is weigh in day tomorrow- so I may blog and let you know. However, if you don't hear anything, fear the worst.

I did have a little bit of a bad week this week- there was a Donner Kebab on Friday evening but the dude who now knows me and my brother gave us uber amount of chillies which are supposed to be amazing for digestion I heard from a mate this week, so yay- I am pretty sure it balances out. Also went for garlic "dough"- friend has given up bread- yes, bread for Lent. I have heard of chocolate, sweets, crisps and even God forbid alcohol for Lent, but bread? Well, let me tell thee, it is a first. SUMMARY: I had an amazing day.

Then I went to go and see Derren Brown (all this was occurring in Soton) and he was literally fabulous!! From making a bloke lay balanced between two chairs, tambourines & chalk and all manner of crazies it was just an amazing entertainment show that makes you come out singing (of which I can't and won't tell ya the lyrics- it is a big give away) and saying "how the fuck did he...." In short it was immense and helped friends get over boyfriend/getting made redundant dramas. It was a great night that I think I may dedicate a wee bit of a post to- I wrote one the morning afterwards on the train back home on a bit of paper and I just need to find it and type it up. Also need to regale the saga of my friends' flat which is a cross between Calcutta and Hiroshima. *shudders* bless their inner studenty soul.

Then I had a visitation from my friend who "lives up north" since I was 17. We went to the hell hole (which we universally agreed on yesterday over lunch and a pint). She lives in Southport now and I haven't seen her in 3 years so it was immense to catch up. Another of our "alternative corner" friends rocked up. It was an amazing afternoon of chicken and leek pie with chips and gravy for me, mash for them. It was just a nice catch up to be honest.

Also it is the last week of being taught for my Masters. I would like to say it had been all fun and frolics, but that is a lie. I am thinking I am glad it is over, to be allowed to get more work (ie. getting paid work- 9 to 5 kind, not the illicit street walking kind either- which has been conjured up several times over the last few months by mates- it makes me chuckle because I am such a prude!!!)and get on writing the essays I wanna write whether they receive a hugely personal character assassination or not. Either way, persevere and slog through it all!!

And lastly, I had a bootiful lie-in this morning. It was lush. I rolled over, fell off the propped up pile of pillows- I do have an insane amount of pillows on my bed- what can I say I am a pillow fiend- on which I had been balanced precariously on due to a cold- I have a scabby nose, which is really the worst of it to be honest, and the pillows just aid the breathing without snoring during the night thang- so there is a genuine excuse this time to have an insane amount of pillows on my bed MWHAHAHAHAHAHA! However, I feel pretty good. So yeah, now I am going to be a cool chick and tidy my bedroom and start getting bits and pieces ready for essays and also the SingStar extravaganza happening at my house over the weekend. Karaoke for the drunk. Good times. I am thinking The Brother (who is back in the good books again- bless his lil cottons) has invited enough people for me not to sing, so I can get merry in the corner and eat pizza. Whoop whoop!!

Roll on the Smiling Days baby!!

WOW IT IS MARCH

2010-03-16T22:11:00.003Z

Okay, it has taken me to the 16th to realise it is indeed March. I think it is symbolic of my state of mind. Half "Can't Be Arsed", half let's disappear into "Lala Land", my own little world of gremlins, trees, medieval dress and Johnny Depp.

Let's get the bad stuff over with shall we?

Okay, well, here I go... I warn you now it is full of self-pitying humour but without the humour... I have warned you...

1) I have fallen out the wagon on the weight loss front. I am sure as hell not eating as much but the exercise has taken a knock. Well, okay maybe this is not that bad. It is not the first time. But I was looking forward to our family summer holiday to Spain- okay it is the uber Brit/Paddy-ville of Spain but I am not in England. I was losing weight for this, now my impetus to look good in a swimsuit has vanished. I will just wear my "slimming black collection" of clothes for yet another summer. However it is good news for my bank account to not go on holiday, thus leading me to gripe #2...

2) I am broke. My car broke down and cost me £500 to get it up and running again and now have no petrol, with the view of petrol prices going up 3p a gallon. Depressing quite frankly to have a car. I do love Beryl with all my heart but she is literally sapping money out of me at the moment. I also owe some serious money, am owed some serious money, need to flog a few things (bought to flog) to earn me some serious dough, and at some point need to wage war with the TV Licensing company who ripped uber amounts of money off me. Bastards.

3) University. Well, enough said I think. I am definitely not doing a PhD now. I would rather saw my hands off. Essaying for my Victorian culture class is going well; not so much for my Women and the Crusades class. I have no idea of where to tap sources!! Literal nightmare.

4) My family are constantly irritating me, in particular my mam and brother, The A Team. Whatever I do, it is just not enough, for the proverbial sun will always perpetually shine out of my brother rear end for my mother. He 'didn't have time' to order flowers for mum for mother's day, so dad did (OK The Brother did pay for them)and then The Brother failed to pick them up because he was still in bed, so dad went and got them, fell over the step in the garden that has been there for an age and fell on the flowers. STILL he is a flaming saint. My brother, not my dad. My dad got told off for yelling at the brother. I, however, a week in advance bought card and gifts- PLURAL- and really put some thought into it. Humph. I did get a thank you so that is something.
Also on an additional note on the brother- his laziness kills me!!! He doesn't even wash his own shirts!! I sit on the sofa knowing he has none clean for the next day at work and I have to go and wash them because I know he will probably just re-wear the less smelly one!! Also someone (a bitch I might add) at work pulled me up about his deportment!! He is untidy and slovenly. Humph. Like what am I supposed to do about it? Well, I polished his flaming shoes at half seven in the morning and he took them off me and put them on without even a thank you.

Anyway rant on that front over!!

The positives:

1) Went for a cultural extravaganza in Southall- art exhibition and genuine curry :) twas amazing all round. Friend's exhibit was really good. Definitely the best but then I am biased. I am looking forward to the fotos coming onto Facebbok so I can show you some of the stuff there! Some pretty great art stuff going on... but some were a little bizarre like the "70cm Shutter" where you had to crawl into the warehouse to enter whilst apparently being filmed. A great laugh to the creation of that monstrosity but if I ever meet that unfortunate soul, tis beats for them! LOL! Overall, it was a fab evening!! I had a real great night out breaking out from the domestic sphere hemming me in atm!

2) I actually managed to give away some tickets for work!! Woohoo two mates came round the castle and we had a bit to eat and bevvie! Just nice to have a catchup and hang out with a different bunch.

3) Tomorrow I am heading off (spending even more monies but it is so worth it) to Southampton to have lunch with a pal and then see Derren Brown wots-his-name-person-thingy-me-bob with old school mates. That will perk me up.

4) I have a clean bathroom thanks to moi. It has been getting me down. It was a game of who will break first I think. I cracked, but the plus is a shiny clean bathroom though I forgot to scrub the toilet- crucial- I poured liberal amounts of bleach down it but I forgot about it. Went in there a while ago and found it smelling overwhelmingly of bleach. "Doh!" comes to mind!! LOL

5)I am downloading music I can ill-afford but it is making me smile. Check out the following:

a)Stay Too Long by Plan B
b)The Cave by Mumford and Sons
c) Devil's Spoke by Laura Marling
d)You and I; Die Alon; Glass by Ingrid Michaelson
e) The hereafter- haven't bought this yet as it is a bit odd and I haven't made my mind up!!

I am also liking the Radio 1 Live Long version of Halo by Florence and the Machine. Oooooo additionally The Dirtee Love by Dizzee Rascal and Florence is gooooood too!
Also recently downloaded- The truth about heaven by Armor for Sleep, Earth to Bella Parts I and II by Incubus- i forget how much I like Incubus... And also Rock n Roll Queen by the Subways- makes me think of freshers week when I tried to get into live music. I wasn't sure I liked them then but they have grown on me since...

Anyhoo I think that is a long enough rant to catch you up on my moans, grins and whims. Adieu for now...

Random Events Recorded...

2010-02-24T23:15:00.006Z

Yikes. What a week!!!!

1) What possessed me to take up a weight loss course based on hypnotherapy???

At work P. was in a previous life/pre-castle a hynoptherapist. He is now the one training a bunch of us tubby wardens who graze on the various snacks provided at work and pile on the pounds. In fact during one part of my Personal Development Review and being asked what was the best aspect of one of the items I did, all I could remember was the great food!! hmmmm.... but to be fair they had free mini Oreo biscuits!! They were immense :)

Anyhow so P is teaching us on the subconscious to not crave food. It has seemed to be working because I am not doing anything untoward i.e. eating snacks. However, whilst under the "trance" part lying on the floor surrounded by my colleagues, I gave an almighty snore, inhaled the blanket covering my mouth and choked cauisng a bit of commotion at my end of the room. Was the tranquility of the room interrupted? Pfft. Needless to say, most people were giving me a disapproving raised eyebrow afterwards.

Why can't I be graceful eh? Sometimes there just is not one bone of feminine grace and charm in me.

2) TEXAN MAN IN PUB

I went to meet up with my friend Em today and catch up. She has a lush new older boyfriend and her job at Ann Summers is going well- seriously this is like the ideal job for her- candid answers for every question! Anywho we were approached by a random Texan bloke working in Slough. I asked- couldn't he find a nice place in England to live? Apparently not. Anyhooo he was a little odd, kept saying fuck and trying to make me like 80s American music. It is not going to happen. It wasn't a particularly outstanding time for music to be honest and he was not making a very convincing argument. Anyhoo with some beautiful acting skills on my part and Em covering up her bemused face on picking up on my escape plan dove out of the pub ASAP. He gave me the creeps. Bless though, I think he was just lonely.

3) Walking Home in Pouring Rain

Yes, well. That just about sums it up really. Following this event in pub we walked around Tesco's for a bit as the shops were shutting in the high street. In order to work off the large glass of wine I had supped in the pub I decided it would be a marvellous idea to walk home. It was only drizzling when I set out. HA!
Half an hour later I turned up at my doorstep, my woollen blazer (oh yes!) was drenched through, the coat was shrinking a little bit but mostly smelling of a wet dog, my cowboy boots it seems are not water proof but were more comfortable than I had previously given them credit for, and my once-afro-tastic-curly hair was now plastered to my head. Hmmmm. Enough said on that I think. Oh no, I forgot. I put on non-waterproof mascara this morning. I came home looking like (and also smelling like) a corpse which had just been pulled out of the river.

In short, bit of an odd week the last few days!! Made for some interesting blogging- well more interesting than usual!!

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

2010-02-24T22:38:00.007Z

I've recently discovered Death Cab For Cutie- who have been on the music scene for a good ten years, so contemporaneous with Muse and they have been Grammy nominated so it is not like they were unknown to the world. However I only discovered them through my love of the "Twilight" Soundtracks- I happen to know and like a lot of music already on them so its all good (for example they have Muse on them!!!!) Do not think less of me...

"Meet Me on the Equinox" was the song that first got me into them (on the NewMoon: Twilight soundtrack CD). I happen to like the video below because of its 'New Moon' aspects to it :)

I also like "I will possess your heart" and "Grapevine Fires and "You can better than me" too... when I get paid I shall be downloading some albums/buying some albums. I prefer to have the non-biodegradable, eco-unfriendly and space-taking CD to fill that materialistic physical need of the consumer inside me.

Anyhow, back to the band... I think they are really great... check them out... and I guess thanks Stephanie Meyer for getting me hooked on Death Cab for Cutie!! The review went a bit flat at the end there, but the music more than speaks for itself! Enjoy...

I LIED!!!

2010-02-19T17:26:00.003Z

I perhaps may have overexaggerated in my previous post. I have lost three pounds and I am celebrating by opening a bottle of wine to have with my spagetti bolognase (sp?). Yes, this is how we do it my style!! LOL and I wonder why on earth my diets never work?? lol

However on a point of interest on my part- a girl I thought was way healthy and slim and essentially perfect on the fitness regime belongs to weight watchers. She was a bit of a chunky monkey once, but now is a lithe slim line figure. It makes you wonder where I will be when I am 25. Will I finally make the "maintaining the weight" status on a weight watchers lifestyle? WIll I have just got a job managing the museum part of the Wellcome Library? Hmmmm we will see. Either way for her, I am sorry to see her leave today at work and it is such a shame I only really got to know her in December.

I guess that gives me a lesson to not listen to what others at work say about people and give them a second chance. Sometimes people have an off day just like me and somewhere underneath all the preconceptions and assumptions there could be a good friend. Good luck to her I say- I will see her when I am hanging around the library :)

Happy Weekend everyone- Enjoy your Friday night! Me? personally- I am going to enjoy my bottle of wine, my spag bol and watch Jonathan Ross before an early night and work tomorrow :D

"Weight Loss" Scheme Update

2010-02-17T09:58:00.003Z

I am not giving anything up for Lent because I think calorie counting is cutting out pretty much any fun I am having. LOLz

Well... has it worked?

*insert marching feet upstairs, insert the groan of the scales, insert marching back downstairs*

Sigh. Nothing. I haven't lost a bean. However, in the spirit of maintaining this positive personal outlook, I haven't put any on either. Woo hoo?

However, I am finding it increasingly hard to convince the parents that "No, roast dinners are not healthy... yes, there is a considerable amount of vegetables, but you have put butter into the carrot and swede, and the cabbage; the roast potatoes have been cooked in fat and sprinkled in a lifetime's supply of rock salt and the yorkie pudding is a heart attack in a cute round form "of eat me fatty eat me."" Then my dad said he would cook pasta salad for Monday night- YAY! I thought- FINALLY. Come home- he has put full fat mayo into it. *Sighs* Sometimes I think I live with the devil. So perhaps I should really marvel at not putting on any weight this week. Although fish fingers and chips tongiht- It is Ash Wednesday and my mam still insists on not eating meat. Meh. I don't mind, but battered fish and chips was not quite what I had in mind.

I would like to point out that I could refuse to eat this, but I am instilled with the sense of guilt and shame of not finishing my food- mainly from my Grandma who used to say I had to finish up to be a good girl, but she lived through the war years and it was like ungrateful if I didn't eat it all. That shame still lives with me and I have got to get over it.

In the hynotherapy class yesterday we had to think of one trigger that makes us eat so much- mine was either depression or guilt. Then come up with a positive image to combat that- "SWISH" movement it is called. It is the linking of the two that will make you get over that. I am still practising but fingers crossed.

So anyway, the positivity is ebbing and I need to keep being upbeat. I did my morning stretches and ab crunches.... no going to head up to do some weights and then bath and then historical reading. Victoria and Albert and their influence on the artistic culture for the masses. Interesting? Yes. Do I know anything about it yet? Nope. Better get cracking!! lolz

Have a good day!!

Thank F**k for today- FINALLY I realise a MA was for me!!

2010-02-12T17:00:00.006Z

Okay, you know I said I didn't really do any reading for my class?

Well, I didn't need to. I harked back to literature and painting for all things!! LOL as always.

We were talking about social observation and the popularisation of this as a form of media entertainment (like newspapers and books)- it kinda hit the spot for me. We were talking about Dickens (who I am not overly fond of) instead I went off into the world of Elizabeth Gaskell and her way of observing the manufacturing classes in the North and writing about in things like North and South (a very good BBC production of it if your prefer the short-hand version as it were- mind you I can read the book in two days- albeit not doing much else!!) She characterises the manufacturing part of the middle-class as barbarous in the beginning but by the end she realises there is an inherent nobility to earn money honesty by labour. Margaret says "I'd prefer to earn money honestly" rather then let it accumulate. Her aunt calls her "revolutionary" for thinking like this. I was wondering how Elizabeth Gaskell related to the poor- did she? I would like to think she did. She really gets to grip with the working-class issues yet maintains a sense of dignity, albeit of a feminine variety- Nicholas a labourer in Milton cotton mills is effeminised during the course of the book as the unions fail and Boucher dies- in effect he becomes a mother of sorts. Either way she shows a compassion that is masked in Dickens for example. Dickens is preoccupied with satirising and although shows plight of the poor in Hard Times, A Christmas Carol and Oliver Twist sensitively, there is an undercurrent of criticism that takes away the Victorian sentimentality that contributes to the pathos of the books. Then we moved onto Engels as a social observer and what his motives and perspective was on the situation.

Elizabeth Gaskell

Engels was a Flaneur(??)- a single man dressing down into a typical working-class person and walking the streets taking in all the information of what life was like in Manchester: "a living hell" as he had called it before writing his book The Conditions of the Working-Class. He was a social observer, but the question rose: were people like him, Mayhew and Booth (all social observers of the time) doing it for the improvement of mankind? For self-gratifing voyeurism? Morbid curiosity? To improve the plight of the working-class? Did they see themselves apart from the working-class? Was that a class apart or a race apart? The "Residuum" as the working-classes were called by Malthus I think were a "race" apart. This is what I am hoping to be looking at for my MA dissertation- what language women feminists used to describe the working-classes.

I love the beard, Engels.

Anyhow we came to the conclusion that Engels had a genuine interest other than an economic agenda to walking the streets. It was a good class... I may add to this post another time with some extra thoughts from the class... I have literally only just got back in... I shall ponder it a while whilst reading primary sources for my class on Monday morning on Women in the Crusades 1000-1300> I have never studied this period of history before!! It should be interesting.

Anyways in short I enjoyed today's class. The cuppa afterwards was also enjoyable. Summary: good day at the office. Rock on more days like this!!

PS. Alex the lecturer is such a dude!! he has a wicked laugh- his face creases up and he curls inwards. Really infectious!! It makes me feel better- I can have a real barking laugh when I want!! lol!! He is, in summary, a dude.

I am converted!!

2010-02-12T09:43:00.007Z

WOW! Okay, week 2 of 'weight loss' regime and I have woken up a) half an hour before my alarm, b) already done my sit ups and ballet stretches (feet, legs, back etc) and c) had brekkie with a cuppa tea and now blogging...

I also have woken up with clearer skin again (this has been going on all week- just one tiny lil spot this morning but man! that is nothing!!) and I have woken up with more energy.

So I have university today: "Behind the Veil": Victorian Culture. I haven't done all that much reading about social reality and "Observing the Victorians" as the class is called, but I am hoping a lot of my A-Level shiz will come back and get me going with some outrageous opinions. I have been focusing on my essay which I am thinking about basing on Queen Victoria and Prince Albert and how they influenced art etc, if in fact they did, and the gender constructions behind who was in the art, who painted it, who bought it/commissioned it and all that jazz. Debasing art by using it as a historical source. Secretly I am very excited. I love the Pre-Raphaelites in a big way. Bless their fluffy naturalist and beautiful pictures *sighs* "L'art pour l'art" = Art for art's sake was their motto. I like it. Sometimes it is nice to be a little bit erring towards the side of shallow to have pretty paintings (but of course there is always a deeper message than that, but still.... you get me!!)

"Flaming June" by Frederic Leighton. This is making me think of summer coming and banishing away this cold weather. It really made me happy when I was flicking through one of my art books last night rooting around for ideas. I like Leighton anyway, I have his print on my wall of "The Accolade". The Pre-Raphs had a bit of a thing about medieval themed and styled paintings- they wanted to hark back to the chivalrous code and protect everything that was right, fight for honour and glory and most of all defend the fair maiden. They had a thing about Victorian double standards and hypocrisy. Like, for example, I found out that Mrs. Beeton- you know... THE Mrs. Beeton with all those cookbooks- had syphilis which her HUSBAND gave to her because of his naughty indiscretions!!! Shocking...

Anyway, a blog that was supposed to be about dieting and exercise has turned into an art bog then into a historical criticism of slimy bastard men in the Victorian times. Just a typical day for me.

Toodles!!

Weight Loss Scheme #932 Ready to Commence

2010-02-11T10:24:00.004Z

Right, I have said this many times before but I have actually stepped up my plans for weight loss. It was my New Year's resolution to hit a reasonable weight by the time I go to Spain at the end of July and I have yet another target to hit by December (and before the Xmas explosion of eat-everything-you-can-lay-your-hands-on!!)

So I have joined a hypnotherapy weight loss course at work- a tenner for a four week course is dirt cheap. it is going to help visualise yourself slimmer, make you think positive and bolster your self will- of which mine is very weak- place a lump of cheese in front of me and I crumble!! My brother is my weight loss buddy, so together we are taking on the chain-smoking mother and father who thinks we will starve is the plate isn't mounted. Needless to say they are not that worried about their health in that way. My mam is slim and small, my dad considerably less so and they are happy in their bodies so yay for them. However for me and my brother- not so much. It is about choices. I am choosing to be slimmer and the ability to pinch less fat would be lovely!! haha!! All that "pinch an inch" malarkey!! Grrrrr.... my rowing friend does that... if it is a centimetre she will be lucky- I need two hands for mine man!! lol!!!

It has gotta be hard for RJ as he used to be so uber slim, ate like a horse and had the energy of a rocket launcher all the time. He had a bad kidney disease for a time and had to have these steroids which made his lithe form bulk up to a not so lithe form. Then he lost it all working in construction. Then he piled it all on again after he was made redundant and didn't have a job for 11 months. Me? Well, I have always been a bit of a porker. Played the boys in dancing shows, I was the building block of any pyramids etc. I have just had enough of being chubby. So why wallow when you can do somehting po-active?

I am not being hardcore about it, just calorie counting and I am exercising everyday during the week for half an hour whilst watching the tellybox and having a couple of hours practice a week on my ballet technique that has soooo gone to pot over my university years!!

I have even signed up to a calorie counting website and made a profile where I log in my pitiful exercise and also everything I eat. And when I weigh myself every week I can log any losses.

I will reckon I will let you know how I get on from time to time.

I am feeling very positive about this :)

Now I am going to get showered and changed before mam heads back for her work lunch break and I am still in my PJ's lol!!

Daily Mail Review II: Terry Pratchet and Assisted Suicide

2010-02-03T00:33:00.005Z

Euthanasia has been a contentious issue for a long time but with the recent focus in the media about it it has become of a hot topic of interest where everyone has an opinion. I am no exception. On reading the Daily Mail (please see previous posting for reasons of this) I came across two articles about "assisted suicide." In Religious Education at my convent school Euthanasia was an abhorent thing to support, although bless my teacher on this topic who was a nun- she was very fair and worldly in comparison to many backwards teachers (not necessarily nuns) at that school.

The Kay Gilderdale case- where Kay was charged with the attempted murder of her daughter after helping her to die- coupled with Terry Pratchet's two year campaign for his right to die when Alzheimer's affects him so much it ruins his way of life- have really brought to the fore the issue of whether someone should have a right to die if they chose their illness has become too unbearable.

Terry Pratchet delivered his 'Richard Dimbleby Lecture' and he outlines his choice in this lecture, which had been repreinted in the Daily Mail. In what is becoming his iconic statement: "When the time comes I'll sit on my lawn, brandy in hand and Thomas Tallis on my iPod. And then I'll shake hands with Death" he really nails that he knows what he wants.

He cites historical precedents for what we now term Euthanasia. And indeed he is correct. Before it was the doctor's duty to make sure his patient didn't suffer and if he was on the root to dying and was in such intense pain, a sip of laundenam or other drug would ensure a quick dispatch. It was considered all in a day's work. With the increase in medical advancement it is almost like we have come to believe we can beat everything if we drag it out hoping for that miracle cure that is only around the corner. Terry Pratchet locates this uneasiness of death and that as the length of life continues to expand how we become more uneasy about anyone under that age should die is terrible. He accurately states that "there becomes a time when technology outpaces sense, when we believe a blip on an ascilloscope is confused with life, and humanity unravles into a state of mere existence."

His upbeat tone considering the topic throws light onto the topic that it doesn't have to a labororious issue. As Professor Dumbledore states in The Philosopher's Stone: "To the well organised mind, death is but the next great adventure." For those prepared it isn't a hard task, no more so than coping with their illness. His chant: "My life, my death, my choice" summarises his feelings on the matter. God I suppose after all gave us freewill. But it helps he doesn't believe in God either. He is a humanist believing in "rising apes, rather than falling angels". Rather wittingly he refers to the Victorian poet Arthur Hugh Clough: "Thou shall not kill; but needst not strive unofficiously to keep alive" and this he says should sometimes be heeded. He says it is about compassion and that we need to be reminded that we are human and that "humanity is precious" and further still the humanity in life and the quality of that life is precious too. A death worth dying, Terry Pratchet states. Indeed I agree. Compassion and understanding is all they ask. And at the end of the day if it is that person's choice then so be it.

Within one paper we see the two sides of the story and the victor is so clearly visible. A few pages before Terry's speech is printed, the Archbishop of York "condemns the push for mercy killings" (HERE). Where is his compassion? Hmmmm.... very disillusioned with the Christian faith as a whole. Where is the tolerance, forgiveness, compassion and understanding advocated throughout the bible and the religion as a whole?

Terry Pratchet, you are a legend and I support you in your right to die with dignity, on your terms and in your own time.

Daily Mail Review: The Pope and Intolerance

2010-02-03T00:16:00.005Z

Now, I do not profess to like reading the Daily Mail or adhering to any of its statements/beliefs. However, it is an established purchase in this house for its double pull out section of puzzles. My mother is addicted to Sudoku- I am damned I ever got her into those!! I never get a look in now!

So anyway. She buys the Mail everyday for the puzzle pullout and casts aside the paper. I picked it up whilst chewing over my pasta salad for lunch whilst she proceeded to complete three sudokus and a crossword in her hour lunch break. Hot-Diggy-Duh-Dog she's fast!

Today I found two things, not just in the Mail, but also in the news and other newspapers too. The first one is the Pope's statement against the Equality Bill being processed through government at the minute. See Here. It is against "natural law" of the Christian faith. Humph. I am none to pleased with this. As a severely lapsed Catholic-cum-Agnostic-verging-on-Atheist I am not surprised I find myself in this vacuum of faith. I find it just appalling that such intolerance exists at high level institutions that provide a social and moral ethic code for people. Religious attendance isn't what it once was and looking at what the Pope said today, is there really any wonder?

What happened to all the acceptance and forgiveness preached in the New Testament huh? Seems that applies only to a certain section of society. The right section. Hardly seems fair some how. Times change, society changes and religion has to adapt to that. It has changed its stance so many times over so many things- do not get me even started on that!! The Bible is a historical text of sabotage and patriarchal and often misogynistic control anyway, but as the standard laws for the Christian faith it is the foundation and it does have (especially the second half) the assertion that a good Christian should be compassionate and understanding?? Go figure, huh? Maybe once you get to wear the robes you finally understand the hypocrisy.

Anyway, off my soap box. Church- just get with the times, or be gone in time.

Film Review: Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day

2010-02-03T00:04:00.002Z

Set in London in the late 1930s, Miss Guinivere Pettigrew (Frances McDormand) is a down-and-out, strait-laced vicar's daughter, who has just been released from her former position but an alcoholic rich lady with bratty kids- the stereotypical governess' nightmare. She is the typical governess with her drab brown clothes, her tired/gaunt face and unfashionably frizzy hair. However, a stroke of luck for Miss Pettigrew who 'acquires' a post in desperation i.e. steals off a recruitment agents' desk and finds that Delysia LaFosse (Amy Adams) is it: a social secretary to the flighty, man-using but simply lovely Delysia. Three lovers to toy and manipulate is a hard task for Pettigrew to keep her charge out of trouble. The slimy Nick, clubowner and generally 'Nasty Nick' character similar to that on Eastenders, Phil the pretty-boy-slash-muppet-with-more-of-Daddy's-money-than-he-knows-what-to-do-with who is staging a musical- one in which Delysia wants the main part- and the heart throb Michael- guess which one I liked the most?- is a cabaret pianist in the club where Delysia sings at night. He is humble (with an odd accent- possibly American, maybe English with a hint of the Gaelic about him) but morally upright yet dashing and not boring (which is what you can sometimes get with those morally upright characters- dull dull dull!) so ensue love square (rather than triangle- sometimes there are just not enough corners on a triangle), and added to that some poignant moments for Miss Pettigrew and her tentative love interest (Joe) who is shacked up with a hideous monstrosity of a woman- played by the actress who is Moaning Murtle in Harry Potter and Bridget Jones' best friend- the crying one in the loo of the bank right?!- so he so ditches her for Miss Pettigrew the lovely lady that she is. Sorry for the plot spoiler there. Plus Joe this dishy man (ok so he is middle-aged- he can be very dishy- I think its the gruff voice lol) Ciaran Hinds, who plays a fab Captain Wentworth in BBC's '90s adaptation of Jane Austen's Persuasion).

Okay so that is a summary of the plot. As an aside it is based on a book, which is something I didn't know. Winifred Watson (the first name of my great-grandma- or as I knew her- just Grandma- the crazy lady who at 87 would still crawl around on the floor with us playing Doh-Nutters wearing the silly elephant mask too!!) wrote the novel in 1938 and I soooo know I want to read it, and probably will knowing me!! I need a lifetime to read all the books I want to read.

No what made the film for me? It was sharp changes from humorous and poignant that flowed together to make a really charming story, twee but not sickeningly so. That, I think, is down to the actors who really weight down the story and lift it up when the occasion arises. The New York Times simply swooned over Amy Adams in Miss P: "[Delysia] may be an amoral, sociopathic vixen. But in Ms. Adams's portrayal she is also an irresistibly endearing creature of moods and whims, one who melts the hearts of the possessive, egotistical beaus she carelessly juggles while pursuing the leading role in a West End musical." I quite frankly I agree. She is one of the best young actresses to come to the fore in recent years and a better icon than say Jordan and the like. Recently I have watched three very different films of Amy Adams. One was Enchanted- a Disney film (and one I have seen many times because I bloody love its cheese factor), Doubt where she plays a nun alongside Meryl Streep who accuses a priest of molestation and Miss Pettigrew. In each her acting was different and she played each character differently. I like. *Nods head emphatically*

However the New York Times' swooning, however, does touch on the sycophantic: "Beneath their wiles, Ms. Adams's princesses are true-blue souls who would sooner die than hurt anyone. They're just a little ditzy." Yet they hit a key note with me- ditzy. Maybe that is why I like her acting- there is that element of continuity throughout all her roles though different- that ditzy element that is so endearing and classically her. Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan and Sandra Bullock all have an endearing quality. This is her own style. And with the ditzy factor- I think I can relate to her, though she is approximately a third of my size, gorgeous and can act. Meh, trivial aspects teehee...

Yet you cannot forget Frances McDormand the lead role of this film. She is terrific. Believable and loveable. She capturs the time in the way she holds herself and conducts herself as Miss Pettigrew. No one will mess with her not even the slimy Nasty Nick and everyone wants and heeds her advice, an incredible phenomenon but again believable. She is the main reason that the story runs and flows so well juxtaposing laughs with poignancy. In terms of critical review the plot got a wee bit panned saying "[it] is an example of how a little nothing of a story can be inflated into a little something of a move with perfect casting, dexterous tonal manipulation and an astute eye and ear for detail" (NY Times). Okay so it is quite a nice, eloquent panning and accurate in parts- the act is terrific and the directing of the tone and nice nuances really make the film that extra bit special. But this review kind of misses out on the charm of the film. That unerringly jaunty and fast-flowing pace (the film is all set over the course of a day) and the nice sentimental touches that put you back into context that it was the Depression-era, not everyone one was having a fabulously exotic lifestyle like Delysia. The fact that Miss Pettigrew is always so hungry throughout the film and almost on several occasions manages to eat something more than an olive out of a cocktail glass and the cucumbers from her facial but is thwarted. At the conclusion of the film having gone all day without real food, she sees a half eaten apple left in the train station. She makes a lunge at it, but the train porter sweeps it up before she gets there. A moment after that lone shot of the look of grim desperation on her face, Joe turns up. As they walk off into the proverbial sunset together he asks her whether she has eaten- it is soooo sweet and we know that he must have seen her diving for the apple but was gentlemanly enough to let her have a moment to compose himself before entering her eyeline. It is the most amazing and uplifting scene I have seen in ages. The entire film ebbs and flows with such ease and doesn't seem in any way contrived, which can be hard for the kind of twee movies I like to relax to. I sat on the sofa and squealed and laughed and almost shed a tear during the course of this little mountainous film.

I loved it so much so I a) blogged about it, b) am fighting my Dad to keep it on the Sky Plus Box- something he likes to wipe down every day grrrrr- completely unnecessary really, c) am going to buy it on DVD meaning that this week Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day will be receiving plus one more DVD sale! I know Dad won't be able to resist seeing that "Viewed" sign and for fear of the memory being taken up by my stuff will delete it. Bless him. He is so fastidious.

But on a concluding note about the film, as always I recommend to watch all my blogged about movies. This one is for the light-hearted, only takes up a hour and 32 minutes of your time precisely and it will make you feel uber good for the rest of the week after watching it. After that you can watch Persuasion, Doubt and Enchanted XD teehee

Happy Viewing All...

MAUD ALLAN: Acceptable Sexuality? Part 1...

2010-02-01T18:45:00.004Z

Just a large snippet from a bit of research I did for one of my Masters essays- "Female Sexuality in Soho: "Foreignness", Public Decency and the Visibility of the Female Body in the 20^th-century". It just amazed me how a scantily-clad, orientalised woman was frolicking around on stage, decapitated head in hand, in 1908 West End of London and to boot the "Respectable"classes flocking to see her!! Maud Allan- what a woman huh?!

In 1908 the Palace Theatre, just off Shaftesbury Avenue and on the edge of Soho, welcomed Maud Allan to its stage. She was an interpretive dancer from North America and it was her almost nude performance of "The Vision of Salome" that thrilled the audience, whilst simultaneously arousing concern about her performance. Salome was a Jewish princess in the bible who demanded the head of John the Baptist after her spurned her advances. However, surprisingly Maud's portrayal of Salome did not provoke a public outcry despite the divisive storyline, a considerable lack of undergarments and a sexual undercurrent towards the "Oriental" style of the piece. Instead she received critical acclaim instead. One critic of the Times, a newspaper known for all things cultural for the well-to-do and the socially prominent (a large part of Maud's audience), could barely contain his praise:

"every movement was beautiful. There is no extravagance or sensationalism about Miss Allan's dancing; even when crouching over the head of her victim, caressing it or shrinking away from it in horror... [her performance] is absolutely free of offense." (March 10^th 1908)

Her performances in 1908-09 are not to be underestimated. Maud Allan's display of her body on the public stage was risky as it had only recently just become socially acceptable to be even on the stage, never mind with a stringy bra on, and there was also still a strong association between actresses and prostitution. As Salome, Maud enacted a sexually assertive female and her performance raised fears about female power and sexuality that were already developing due to the suffrage movement (which I shall mention in further detail later on....) Overall the performance did not threaten her audience because she displaced the errant sexuality onto a foreign woman. It was not a 'western' woman. This is an example of how 'foreignness'/cosmopolitanism exploded into popular culture during the Edwardian period and raised the spectre of the racial "other". Middle-class sensibilities could have been offended by the physical appearance as a half-naked woman on stage exuding aberrant sexuality towards the severed head of John the Baptist (at one point almost dry humping it!?), but Maud achieved a precarious balance of notoriety and respectability. She made the 'East' visible to the West, but kept the 'foreignness' separate from herself and the west, so was therefore not upsetting public decency. The cosmopolitan nature of this dance was reliant on a nationalist rhetoric depicting the colonies as female, weak and inferior. This "Orientalism", a discourse through which the "other" is represented by the West as subordinate thereby providing an intellectual foundation for domination, was present in the dance and the Western patriarchal social order of imperial power was maintained. In essence it was not subversive.

As a western woman presenting an 'eastern' woman on stage Maud was in an ideologically difficult position and there was a need to manipulate the rhetoric of separate spheres, of imperial power and of 'foreignness' to keep the "overlapping and mutually reinforcing categories of Western woman and native distinct" (Walkowitz). It is this nationalist discourse that promoted unity in a time of increasing challenge from women in the form of the suffrage movement during the first two decades of the 20^th century. With the increase of public violence from the militants there was a need to reassert clear boundaries of public order and gender roles. A common argument made against women's suffrage was that the female nature was ill-equipped to deal with the rigours of colonialism, therefore, despite the initial appearance of Maud being sexually subversive, the reason her first performances were considered "acceptable" and not contrary to public decency was that she upheld the separate spheres gender ideology.Allan's successful transformation of what was "Eastern" into "Western" and what was "erotic" into something "spiritual", she is permitted to continue performing her dance.

The pervasive imperial and nationalist discourse running through Britain in the 20^th-century had a huge impact on culture and society. The use of the dichotomy of masculine west and feminine east shows how Maud's performance was socially acceptable and 'safe' once placed within the confines of the pro-West nationalist discourse, or "Orientalism". There was such an omnipresent discourse in Britain at this time about race deterioration and national degeneracy that the foreign 'other' and race and what it meant to be British was already present in the public psyche.There was simultaneously a fascination with the cosmopolitan and a great deal of suspicion attached to it too. There was a "double-sided cosmopolitanism" towards dance in pre-war Britain (Walkowitz). There was a "convergence of disparate, even antagonistic, geo-political associations", which means that Maud Allan's place within society was subject to social changes. The binary oppositions of male/female, east/west is not static but jostling against one another for redefinition through the suffrage movement and later the First World War. The fact that Maud was a symbol of femininity yet portrayed cosmopolitan sexuality blurs the boundaries the separate spheres and places her in a luminal position. Maud's dance style was 'foreign' and her audience was mixed due to the Palace Theatre's location on the perimeter of Soho, yet she conducted herself outside the theatre, in public, as adhering to the ideology of separate gender roles denouncing the suffrage movement, thus separating herself from the militancy of the suffragettes and also distanced herself from the sexuality of Salome by calling her performance a spiritual awakening.

So, 'foreignness" was visible in theatrical culture but it was also attached to a dominating nationalist and imperial discourse that obscured the more 'sexual' and deviant themes. The way the negative aspects of the character are all ascribed to the character's 'foreignness' demonstrate how 'cosmopolitanism' was made 'respectable' by distancing the audience from that person. The publicly visible display of Maud Allan's scantily clothed body writhing on stage was seen as an acceptable form of cultural entertainment because it was supported with a nationalist discourse of superiority of the West over the colonial 'others' and that Maud personally distanced herself from the feminist movement. Here cosmopolitanism was an active part of the culture as long as it did not subvert the social hierarchy. Both men and women went to see Maud Allan's performance as a cultural experience and it was her performances that facilitated the entry of 'respectable' women into the cosmopolitan spaces of the commercial West End, which had hitherto been social suicide to venture into.

And this month's theme is "RETRENCHMENT"

2010-02-01T17:13:00.005Z

Ok, I failed.

Not to sound defeatist but I kinda failed, didn't I, on the blogging front?

Hmm, my humblest apologies.

However I am setting out to remedy that!! Aha yes I sure am!

It is a depressing state to be beginning the month still with that most hated monetary symbol ever to grace the ATM's screen- that dratted minus sign. Yup. So apart from cussing rather loudly in Bury St. Edmunds' high street on Sunday and scaring one lil old lady with wheelie shopping trolley I think I have dealt with it in a positive manner since. This new positivity (and believe me its hard to be positive for too long- I find in Britain that the sarcasm in humour and that belittling inherent in English culture does make it hard to keep that firm upper lip) so anyway this new positivity is standing me in good stead! I am saying yes, shit you have got no money but you are the one that spent and it is you who is going to be tightening that already tight belt. So voila. I am.

Retrenchment.

Funny that when I posted this title as a statement on Facebook that people wouldn't necessarily know what 'retrenchment' means. I then realised that I did spend most of my teenage years in my bedroom reading- Jane Austen, history books about 19th century politics and random crap that has weird words no longer used these days. So it is unsurprising that the cooler souls of my generation would not know this word. It throws into light my quirky little life 15-18 years :) I liked it, but I do come out with some awful shite sometimes!!

So it is with a quote from Jane Austen that I end this blog, apt I think:

"They must retrench; that did not admit of a doubt. But she [Lady Russell] was very anxious to have it done with the least possible pain to him [Sir Walter] and Elizabeth. She drew up plans of economy, she made exact calculations, and she did what nobody else thought of doing: she consulted Anne... 'If we can persuade your father to all this,' said Lady Russell, looking over her paper, 'much may be done. If he will adopt these regulations, in seven years he will be clear; and I hope we may be able to convince him and Elizabeth that Kellynch Hall has a respectability in itself which cannot be affected by reductions...'" (Persuasion)

Been a Long Time Coming...

2010-01-13T10:29:00.005Z

Hey,

It has been a long time since I have blogged. It was a new years resolution of mine to blog at least once a week to vent feelings, well mainly rages and stuff, enabling me to become emotionally balanced.

Well as you can see it is now the 13th of January and there is an auspicious lack of blogs. I owe you two. This one is one... I guess. Kinda.

Anyhoo back to the tedious inevitability of naming the list of impossible new year's resolutions that will have failed by the end of the month.

1) Blog more

2) Lose weight- I have set what I think may be achievable goals.

3) Lose my temper a little less often at the ones I love and more at the ones who deserve it.

Fairly easy.

PAH! I managed to fail the first two through the stresses of essay writing- I comfort ate-I wanna snog the person who invented salt and vinegar chipsticks- you got me through the trials of erotic dancing and prostitution in early 20th-century Britain. "Phallic symbol anyone?" "Yuck! Leazi, please!! TMI!!" *shrugs* what can you do?

Lol gawd love my family for their unwavering support these last three weeks. My mam read and reread my most troublesome essay groaning at raunchiness and my attack on "the patriarchal imperial social order that reinforced misogynistic display of females in adult entertainment in Soho". Yep. As she said to me, "my mother would have been shocked that I am reading this never mind you writing it."

Gawd love my dad for driving me to university at 2:32pm when the essay was due in at 3pm. Also bless him for sliding back down the hill on a patch of ice in car on university territory treating the milling students to a host of vibrant expletives that will educate them far more than that lecture they just attended.
I was still writing in my PJs at 2:20 and also showing my love and affection to the laptop in some expletives of my own :D and Dad didn't say a word but just started the car.

Gawd love the lil brother who came in with copious glasses of lemonade, offerings of sweets and other essay sustaining goods to the wee hours. He learnt never to ask how it was going, just to lay down the goods and rapidly retreat out of the office. He recognised that he was not getting onto the laptop until I was done and stopped nagging me to get on it. And last night he tidied his room so we could watch comedy DVDs have a glass of wine and celebrate the end of the essayness for this term.

So thanks guys. XXXX

I managed to not lose my temper at them but instead at the laptop that is sooooo painfully slow and at myself for not being more organised to have started this essay sooner.

So, that is why despite being a student and having four weeks off for Christmas I haven't blogged. And before then? Well, I guess I was being just plain lazy!! haha!!

So I hope you had a good Christmas and may it be a fabulous 2010 for all of us eh? Good luck to the resolution keeping :D

MUSE- THE RESISTANCE 12/11/09

2009-11-23T17:46:00.008Z

Ok,ok whilst it is still the same month, I am gonna blog on the best band to grace this planet since T-Rex!! (hmmmm perhaps need to come up with a better band maybe- T-Rex does not rock my world on the same level as Muse!)

I have been sooooooo intending to blog about this for ages!!! I have been literally snowed under with uni work and pressing social engagements! It has been intense, but Muse were immense so woohoo that balances that out (the work front that it!!)!!

This is where our seats were, behind the stage. I was not a happy bunny on seeing these!! However the cloth on the towers droped to reveal Muse inside!! Immense!! I was so close to them and they really walked round the circular stage to make sure that everyone got an great view- they are the ultimate players live!! They are the shiz, the cherry, the nuts, the creme de la creme, the booty, the thang! They were just incredible! The atmosphere was simply electric as cliched as it sounds!!

My uncle was the stage dude/head trucker bloke- he was one of the guys filming for the cube things (see picture 3). The best shot of the evening goes to me and Matt Bellamy giving it large on his knee- fricking amazing moment!

This band genuinely give the best live gig in the world. If you wanna dispute me, get me a ticket for the rival band. They will have to eat the static frizz coming out of the amps if you think they can beat this band! Seriously guys check them out! PS. Concert tickets for Muse going on sale on Ebay (courtesy of yours truly) for Sept 2010 in the next couple of weeks- keep an eye out!!

So in summary: It was the best night's entertainment, live music and just frickin' unbelievably fantastic that I believe it is beyond words!!

Pictures are copyrighted babes X (Sorry, my friend once had her's nicked and they were used in the band's next calender- not that my shots are the best in the world but you never know!!)

Muse- The Resistance!

2009-11-06T10:30:00.003Z

Just under ONE WEEK I shall be seeing them!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

If only my tickets would arrive NOW!!!

Haha!!

Oh, it is gonna be the best ever!!!

This Is It!

2009-11-06T10:02:00.005Z

Ok, as I said in my previous blog, I went and saw this last night in Leceister Square (very swish- a far cry from the cinema of Slough with seats missing, rips in the screen, playing forty minutes of the wrong film before anyone could be found who knew how to change the reel, and so on.)

I have to say I was really impressed. The show would have been amazing, although I am unsure whether MJ could have done all 50 tours he set out to do... it is far to much for anyone! He sung and danced amazingly, the set design was fab with aerialists on chandeliers and demo trucks and cherry-pickers, some funky dancers, great guitarists, fab dance moves, 3D effects, pyrotechnics and VTs- it would have been breathtaking. And there was very few of the cheesy annotations or people saying how wonderful Mj was. I know he was. Don't ram it down my throat guys, ok?

In some ways I wonder if MJ had lost a little bit. Creative genius aside there were a few instances where I was wondering what he was going on about "simmering" and "nourishment" and "it's about love, L-O-V-E".

On the train back home, I listened to those songs again on my Mp3 player- I loved the Earth Song and Smooth Criminal (they had an old movie and put Mj in it- very classy)- and I listened to those songs again and just thought what a waste of a life eh?

Still, from my first tape (being Michael Jackson Thriller) to MP3- Mj has lived through an era of great change. What a great show...

All in all I think I shall be buying the DVD when it is released. I wanna get on done with some of those moves, baby!!

OMG! It's November!

2009-11-04T17:22:00.007Z

When did this happen?

Humph. Who knows? It may have possibly started back on the first of November?? Hmmmm... I have lost all sense of days... I divide my week not by weekend/weekday but by work day/uni day/library day... it is a never ending circle of days, or irritatingly "cyclical" as one of the really and I mean REALLY smart boys (emphasis on the word boys here by the way) keeps repeating...

"History is so cyclical... the philosophy of history and the history of philosophy being one and the same thing according to Hegel has a cyclical element..." Someone for Christ sake buy him a Thesaurus... in fact I will and place it in his pigeon hole!!

BTW before I get back to the point of my blog- when I say one of the boys- I mean so much for mature men on Masters courses!? They are all in the gang dominated by Cyclical Guy, who are all still proclaiming the wonders of Marxism (which by the way FAILED) and they seem to be much the same as boys in first year. Go figure huh? Needless to say, that is another added annoyance of the university course.

However, on a finally positive note- the girls have been great and Tom too (who I shall put in the girl category). Went to lunch with them today and yesterday and everything seems hunky dory :) Yay! It is nice to have a mutual rant of a historical and course based nature without people thinking I am a moaning ninny!

And tomorrow I am meeting them at the Wellcome Library for history of breasts, cross dressing and mental deficiency= jokes!! - what a weird and wonderful bunch we are!! haha!!

PLUS I am seeing This Is It tomorrow- I am soooooo excited and I hope its good!

So yes November... Halloween was a wash out cos I got so drunk Thursday night I was still recovering on the Saturday and had to work both Sat and Sun so was probs not a great idea to go out and give the kidneys and liver another bashing!! But I dressed up as a witch again (it may be cliched but I love it with my tarot cards and runes and all!!) I tried scaring children at the door too but failed. Plus there was a definite lack of Trick or Treaters this year due to Upton Court Park firework display!! Grrrr... that should have been tomorrow!!

This is Mum, RJ and Dad wearing my very cool witch's hat!! With a glass of wine or two :)

I am going to no firework displays (again!) but I am indeed as I said going to the cinema to see This Is It which by far makes up for it!

So all in all, good summary of life up to now...

So I shall blog some interesting stuff when I can be arsed :) No offence intended! lol and I suppose I ought to get on reading about Crime in the 1930s for "Public Decency Private Morals" Course and also the effect of the shift of the one-sex model to the two-sex model had on views of cross dressing of both men and women in early modern England and France :)

One Cross-Dressing lady as a man... ok, ok, it's from Shakespeare in Love! Don't hate me for it, you know you love it!

Have a good evening one and all XX

The Children of Huang Shi

2009-10-21T18:14:00.007+01:00

WAR MADE THEM ORPHANS, ONE MAN MADE THEM LEGENDS.

I recently watched this film, and yes, primarily I was attracted to it by the fact that Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and Chow Yun-Fat play central parts in it. They are both pretty hot in my mind. So as I began watching it the story really struck me and like all things wondrous and therefore pondrous I have researched it more and have subsequently blogged it.

First, I shall begin with a brief synopsis of the film, I shan't put in any spoilers for fear it may ruin the film for you!!

The film is about a young British journalist, George Hogg, who with the assistant of a courageous (in this film American, in real life New Zealander) nurse and a Chinese Communist fighter, saves a group of orphaned children during the Japanese occupation of China in 1937. Basically. In short. That is the precept. However, it is essentially a build up of how this journalist and friends came to lead sixty orphaned boys on a journey of over 500 miles across snow-bound Liu Pan Shan mountains (or the Silk Road as it is otherwise known) to safety in the Mongolian desert from the advancing Japanese forces in China.

Along the way to this epic voyage he meets Lee, this American/though really New Zealander nurse who he falls in love with, Chen Hansheng the communist, Madame Wang the aristocrat turned merchant of opium and other narcotics in light of the economic displacement of the war, and of course the kids, who each have their own tale and personality of which we see a few of in the film.

On researching this film and the actual history of the story, there are of course some absences and playing around with the facts. Hogg was appointed headmaster, as it were, of these orphaned schoolchildren by Rewi Alley, a communist New Zealander, who has celebrated in China's revolution. It was his idea, in fact, to take the children to a safer place apparently, but it seems Hogg has taken the credit for it in this film by the total omission of Alley as a character. He was a communist and suspected homosexual so, for these reasons, it is suggested that he is omitted from this Hollywood film.

Regardless of these facts, it is, by the by, a "true" story as much as we can say such a thing. It was an eye widening film and made me look at a history, other than British history, of which my knowledge is lacking due to my unfortunately short-sighted nature (not that I don't enjoy other history- I just prefer to stick with what I know!)

It is appearing now and then on Sky, so catch it if you can. Personally I am going to go on Amazon, if the postal strikes don't get in my way, and buy this film to watch properly from the beginning, no interruptions!

Meet Harry The Ragdoll

2009-10-21T17:57:00.004+01:00

This is Harry Potter... obviously not the real one, but my little Ragdoll. Embarrassingly enough he has been with me since I was 13. He was given to me on my 13th birthday,the summer before my parents split up, by my dad. I still have my two Harry Potter mugs and Quidditch night lamp used for reading late at night (which I did a lot- my mam wasn't too impressed at my dad buying that but I was!! I need a miniture lightbulb though... like those ones you used to get for doing physics experiments with at scholl when making circuits etc). As you can see I have been a Harry Potter fan for a loooong time *sadly*. But dear lil Harry has been with throughout those horrible years as a teenager, he has absorbed many tears, he has travelled with me to university and back witnessing all the messy hangovers and tantrums there, and many an adventure besides.

Isn't he beautiful?

He still kips somewhere in my bed though he often disappears down the side, back or under a pillow for reasons I haven't yet fathomed. He has been a great comfort and gets hugged a lot whilst chewing things over in mind like whether to give up this Masters shiz or to do this or that. Subsequently he gets very grubby through his well loved owner.

Today I gave him a wash.

A la machine de wash.

This is him coming out after being washed. I think I was rather sick in the head on constructing this thing... I trussed him up like a man being buried at sea (see here) and popped him in the wash. He is now sitting on the kitchen radiator where the above photos were being taken, to dry out whilst I cook Chilli Con Carne for tea :) YUM!

Maybe I need to see a shrink?

Nah, for now Harry will be the ear I can bend!!

2009-10-21T17:29:00.004+01:00

OK, let's face it. It has been over a month of blogging absence.

I have started university (my Master of Arts degree), I have gone down to two days a week at work and all my friends have drifted back off to university or home etc. They only seem to come out in the summer. It happens every year, that sinking feeling. To be honest this year it was worse than last year and I am not sure why.

It didn't help that I don't like doing my Masters at the moment, well that is till today- I feel I made a breakthrough. I really enjoyed my "Body in the Renaissance and Early Modern Europe" course and followed it by lunch (or in my case carrot cake with a huge mug of tea :) yummy) with two of the girls in my course. It was good. We were all in the same boat. All from universities that are not Royal Holloway. We are all finding some of the other courses weird and not really suited to us. None of us necessarily want to be archivists or librarians we idealistically want to bring history to the masses.... make what we find fun and exciting fun and exciting for everyone else. In some ways I hold out for a female presenter on a documentary- they are still mostly male!! Though I do not think for one moment I shall be the face that launched a thousand documentaries, I shall hope to help someone do it. Historical research- research Jane Austen period clothing and eating habits, the Tudor sex life, the Flapper girls and Tommies, and the Romantic poets... oh the possibilities. Today is the first day I think I may have actually made the right decision to go back to university.

Yay!

On a plus note I am getting used to working all the time now (at work I mean). It has been tough. Work has been a huge part of my life for over a year and now it has taken a backseat. Now my brother works there and is getting into the whole thrall of it leaving me behind, or as I am starting to think of it, not behind just adjacent and not necessarily on the same course. This time last year I was unsure of what I was going to do. I was applying for jobs I didn't really want but I didn't really know what I wanted... a whole heap has happened since then. I am more settled. I know what I want, or perhaps more accurately what I don't want.

In short, the world is good now. Before the world was bad thus bloggeth I not.

Ode to Death of a Pod Boot

2009-10-21T17:14:00.005+01:00

It has been awhile. Apologies. I shall get on to why the long delay soon enough. For now I want to talk of my love for my favourite Pod boots.

They have died. There has been a hole just at the back near the ankle forming for quite some time and this week a zip fell off one of them. They are slowly making their way to shoe heaven. My mother tried throwing them out this weekend. I managed to secret them out of the rubbish pile before she could catch me!

Why do I love these hideous monstrosities?

They are hardly sexy, feminine, gorgeous boots everyone longs for. They make my toes poke holes in all my favourite stripey socks because of the platform's incline downwards, they look ridiculous with all skirts, my mam calls them my Oliver Twist boots as I look like a street urchin when wearing with cropped trousers (oh yes, I bust them out with cropped trousers!!) and they are so unfashionable they warrant being advertised in Grannies R Us outfitters store.

But alas I do love them so. I have begun a search for a new boot love of equal comfort and hideousness. :( But I just want them.

They have been with me through the traumas of Sixth Form, the wild nights and crazy days of university and on the North Terrace at work in the depths of winter... that equates to about 6 years altogether.

So here I blog here to praise my "Pod boot", the highlight of shoe comfort and major "mother annoyance" and platform fantasticness. Praise be Podness!

Lethargy

2009-09-15T22:06:00.002+01:00

I have let many days pass now without having contributed something on my blog about many things that have struck me... I wonder if I am becoming more sedate in voicing my opinions... or just lethargic??

The anniversary of Sept 11 passed, political inaptitude of handling the economy, the ongoing US argument about NHS/Insurance policy- which I feel pretty strongly about, archive experience, finishing books, films and poems which have pricked my notice but I just can't be arsed quite frankly.

I feel very tired, and fed up, and apprehensive about looming MA start date. I am literally petrified and I am just wondering whether I am going in above my head and whether I should just get a proper job and sort myself out. Hmmmm.... nice idea but what shall I do?

Also serious money issues at the moment due to my total inability to budget and just say no to things...

I promise to write soon a happy, cheerful and marginally informative blog but for now can I just say rest in peace and bless Patrick Swayze...

I remember my mam sneaking a sit down on a Sunday afternoon when I was young... say perhaps 9 or 10... I think 9.... she secreted me out to have my ears pierced at 10 (which was definitely after the sneaking into the lounge to see/ ...) to watch 'Dirty Dancing' whilst my dad was out at the pub. It was in the middle of a roast dinner cooking and she said to me "Don't you let your Dad know I am letting you watch this!". I asked why and she just said it was probably a little grown up for me... but I remember being entranced by it. I loved the slightly unusual looking female lead, I liked the music, I loved the danced and I adored the ideal of this rogue love interest in the form of Patrick Swayze. From there I guess you can say it is a slippery slope into RomComs and Ideal Romances never deemed to last! But I never forget that day when I sat down with my lemonade with my mam and curled up to watch that film. I guess it has been since then we have shared this love of soppy movies as some would call them, but for me they hold very dear memories, which I would like to say still happen- my Mam and me have a great many movies that are just quintessentially us!

I asked my Mam recently about why she let me watch Dirty Dancing- we saw Patrick pop up on screen talking about his illness etc in a fairly recent interview and her reply was that I loved dancing and this ideal notion of romance for so long that she thought it would be something I would like to watch. Needless to say I have never looked back. From dancing with my friend who was bullied in primary school in the adventure playground on a fairly high log bridge mimicking the scene where they dance on a log bridge... to me and my mam singing all the hits... Thank you Patrick Swayze for giving me idealistic notions of love without which I guess would have been a very lonely maths and science class without!!

Rightio...

2009-09-02T22:46:00.001+01:00

I am officially off to bed now!

Blogs to follow: -

The Time Traveler's Wife

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Work Experience in Chapel Archives

Young Victoria film blog

night all XXXX

MUSE

2009-09-02T22:15:00.003+01:00

SEPTEMBER 14TH

NEW ALBUM

"THE RESISTANCE"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK

EXCITEMENT :D

Ha! Now I just dance for me!

2009-09-02T22:05:00.003+01:00

Strike out on the stage, and fix that ruby lipped grin
Strike out onto that stage, the limelight searing

leap with vitality

turn

shuffle

kick

spin

jump

lunge

pirouette

Stretch- to the crowd

Sweat- earn their approval

Use the cane, flip the hat

express a bow and receive a dainty clap

Exeunt stage, pleading

"be memorable"

ha!

now

i just

dance

for me :)

On a lighter note :)

2009-09-02T21:42:00.004+01:00

I think I have almost finally decided that it may be possible that I might actually consider in attempting to do my assessment for tour guiding at work :)

I think.

I will promise to practice more tomorrow on my day off!

I am so glad that I got tomorrow off- I think a 7 day week would near have killed me!!

I am enjoying my time at the archives and I am uber lookign forward to starting my Masters, and the preliminary reading is rolling in already *yikes*

I better dust off my old ring binders and dig out my school supplies.... don't you just love buying school supplies? I do! I love the pensils, the different coloured pens- I love being able to get away using them at uni, and the erasers in various shapes and sizes, my Harry potter pencil case a must, a little ruler, a stapler, a hole punch, paper... the varieties of lined paper... sigh... it makes me think of a quote from "You've Got Mail" with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in *yes, it is a chick flick*:

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."

Hmmm bouquets of newly sharpened pencils :) It is that autumn time as well and nearly back to school time... hmmm it is just that season to be jolly... fa la la la la la la la la!

Mind you, was it just me or did the novelty of school and the new supplies wear off in about a week... whereas at uni cos I loved it so much the novelty was all year round :) I hope it will be the same this time too...

The world is full of possibilities sometimes:)

I would like...

2009-09-02T21:27:00.002+01:00

I would like people to see me
and say that's "arresting",

the two smooth streaks of mascara on my cheeks

where that last finished novel's

words imprint on my mind

I would like people to see me

and sigh 'how adorable'

when I sleep with my mouth open wide and

a sliver of drool and an "in bed" aroma

to complete the scene

I would like people to see me

and think that's unique

how I dress, that my hair's unbrushed and

I chatter to myself and hum

in a world of my own

I would like, not people, but one

to see just that

I would like to not want that one

as much as this

The Romance of Churches, Chapels, but not so much Cathedrals...

2009-09-02T20:34:00.008+01:00

St. George's Chapel (inside) and Monument of Princess Charlotte above... St. Bernard's school and the grand staircase above ^

I often wonder why I love churches. I am pretty sure now that it is not some inherent religious desire I visit them and admire them so. It is still a puzzlement but this snippet of a poem I found in a book- "The Romance of Saint George's Chapel, Windsor Castle"-hits the nail on the head.

In the elder days of Art,
Builders wrought with greatest care

Each minute and unseen part;

For the Gods see everywhere.

Let us do our work as well,

Both the unseen and the seen;

Make the house, where Gods may dwell,

Beautiful, entire, and clean.

Well, the book only contains the first stanza, but I looked up the rest and it just captures it perfectly. It is called "The Builders" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It is a rather nice poem, but these are by far the two best stanzas.

St. George's Chapel really does just take your breath away. It is just that history, the adoration and loving care given to this building, a living monument to devotion, faith and hope. What a marvellous thing, eh?

One of the few great things about my secondary school was the 'olde worlde' part of it, the part that used to be an old manor house with its own private chapel attached, the crooked steps up to the history rooms, the terrifyingly steep spiral staircases and the huge, high-ceiling, shuttered windows. The chapel was beautiful, except when it came to the 'whole year gatherings' where we would be forced to sing, both badly and embarrassingly alongside our peers, and kneel, and pray and then get back up again. I am definitely irreverent!!

Hmm... anyhow I am deviating. Apart from the horrors of singing that the walls no doubt still harbour, its the sanctuary, the love and the dedication put into this small section of the building that is breath-taking. Every time I step inside a chapel/church (not so much Cathedral- that seems to be built more with a flair to show off and be impressive but impersonal. However there are some exceptions...) I miss that sense of certainty, of omnipotence of a greater being, that these fellows who built the chapels, who commissioned them. They may not have been devout or stuck to all the rules in the bible but it was a way of life... few said that they didn't believe in anything.

Today, as the news keeps telling us, Britain is falling apart. The ironic thing is they have said this for hundreds of years... On working in the Chapel archives and Chapter Library, the number of tracts, sermons and books I have found on how the Popish threat is sure to ruin the country and how Protestantism is sure to come to a sticky end, and how if we disobey the bible we are going straight to hell. Society would fall down without these rules they thought. It makes me wonder whether they may have been right. I am a keen example of how irreverent a society the British nation is. However it is a depressing route I shall forgo this evening...

I am sure you will be glad of that.

I conclude this "half" blog "half" rant "half" pondering... well maybe that should be in thirds?! with what Blackburne of "The Romance of St George's Chapel" says:

"Let worshippers and sightseers catch the message that rings out from these stones, laid so gracefully and carried up so high; let them take this message home and try to live it out in their lives, in order that that which was once a pious dream may become a reality."

I may not be a believer but surely this is why I wrote my blog? That the comfort, safety, awe and grandeur of the building spoke to me... I guess I must have 'taken the message home' in some form or manner! Hmmm... maybe I won't go to hell after all...

BIRTHDAY FUN

2009-08-28T17:35:00.002+01:00

Meet Teana the Teapot. Isn't she beautiful?

I have always said that I am an 80 year old in a 22 year old's body! This is my first ever teapot and I am very excited about my tea lurvin'!

I also received "Woof", a mini teapot and cup all-in-one job! I used it in bed this morning whilst watching Slumdog Millionaire that I got for my birthday also.

When I got home Monday night after V Festival I could finally get to open all my cards and presents! It was really hard not actually getting anything on your birthday but I coped. Just about! I opened the Amazon box that I had and gave the books I ordered to Rob, my brother, who proceeded to give me the money and then the books back (symbolic present giving!!lol) I got The Kite Runner, The Bookseller of Kabul (there is a theme running there), The Time Traveller's Wife (which I am reading at the moment) and Windsor Castle by Olwen Hedley which I need to use to swot up for work and my assessment at work so I can tour guide (this a long story and owed to another blog! Emotional trauma isn't in it!!)

I also got in addition to Slumdog Millionaire the DVD, The Young Victoria- I watched it last night with my mam and it made me go all squee and believe in love again... gawd I love historical romances... I feel a film post coming up on this film! And I also was given Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- from where my blog's name really comes from. My copy has gone all grrr and doesn't work anymore- I was devastated!

My mam (I know it was my mam because my dad doesn't do gal's clothes!) gave me a wicked new outfit, cardigan and a cobalt blue V-neck top (which I tend to suit (yay big(ish) boobs!).

I also got some money to spend when I go into London with my mam on 12th Sept to see the musical Oliver! in the West End (this was my present to her for her 50th!)

Now... my friends... My friends from uni who I have only known for three years got me down to a tee. (Now this isn't about whether I got presents or not...) Hatty gave me a book of poetry, a bottle of wine, the prettiest shell bracelet ever and a Piglet car smelly thing. This is SOOOO me! I spend half my blog posting away about poetry and my wine drinking prowess which she has seen in action. I have also adopted a bit of a thing for buying air smelly things for my car- the latest one is a monkey smelling like bananas. I keep buying them everytime I see them. I am sure this is a new car owning thing but Hatty obviously got my obsession there!

SJ gave me a book token (again duh! how me!) Plus I always feel guilty about buying books when I should buy petrol or more sensible items or even save *gasps*. Plus this pair of earrings soooo me and dark and gothic :) She said it was a cop out present because she had to send it and had to buy practical things, but to me it just shows she knows me.

My two best friends both forgot it was my birthday and failed to text me or contact me in any way. Now I forgot SJ's birthday but I text her and then visited her to make up for it. It was at the time when I was dealing with work experience/unpaid leave issues as well as my Master's funding application was going through. She understood. Thankfully.

One of my-best-friends-who-forgot text me four days late with just "sorry I forgot, happy birthday!" Not even what did you do or did you have a good day! The other has since text me and we are meeting up tonight but no acknowledgement... I guess we drift apart and it is a silly thing to be all grrr about but I just thought as my supposed good friends they would take a bit more of an interest in my life. :(

I will get over it though I am sure in the end! I can't hold grudges- I have a memory of a sieve/goldfish/amnesiac etc!!

Other than that I had a wicked birthday! Thanks everyone (for a great weekend, a great post-birthday curry with the rents and post-post-birthday drink and dinner with workies :P Love ya Paddy ;>)

V Festival

2009-08-28T16:55:00.005+01:00

1) The Music
What did I see? A lot, but I missed a lot too.... There is just no way you can see evrything! It is nigh on impossible! We saw James Morrison, Keane, The Killers, Lily Allen, Taylor Swift, Razorlight, The Wombats, The Enemy, Katy Perry, The Ting Tings, Ocean Colour Scene, Paolo Nutini, Starsailor, Bjorn again and the end of Elbow I think!!

My top five acts were:
1) The Killers
2) Lily Allen
3) The Ting Tings
4) The Script/Keane (becuase I do not want to miss either one out!! lol)
5) Bjorn Again (ABBA tribute band)

The Killers were fab! They played all their best songs and my voice was soooo unbelievably horse afterwards! We were drunk, my friend Hatty and Bradders were there with my cousin and brother! We were jumping around like loony toons (sp??) and singing the lines at each other!! AMAZING!! This was one of four bands I wanted to see and they did not disappoint!

Lily Allen was frickin' awesome! I mean exactly like the album and she sung "Fuck You"- a great song on her album as well as covering "Toxic" by Britney Spears and nailed that too! It was a complete Me moment :)

The Ting Tings- a new band that I have loved from day one and I knew their album off by heart and again they played exactly like their records- fabulous stuff! Really got the crowd going in the hot heat!

The Script were a real surprise. I wasn't that fussed but boy! They were great! They were a little drunk but having a ball on stage and it was contagious! Keane were my back up choice because Oasis failed to turn up. (A sore point- don't get me started). They were GREAT! They played my favourite song of theirs (and it is in my top ten favourite songs of all time too)- Bedshaped! It was birthday and it was the ideal gift (the only one I got on that day apart from shots of alcohol :P). They finished on a cover of "Under Pressure" by Queen which really pleased my brother who is a huge Queen fan and compensated for me dragging him to see them!

Now Bjorn Again is a little bit of an odd entry. They were just a watcher while we drunk beer and got warmed up or the bands we actually came to see but they were amazing and it was where this photo was taken! We were all up and dancing to the ABBA classics and it was just a real motivator for the day! A good kick off for my birthday! Plus it coincided with a little celebratory dance I had on sneaking in a bottle of vodka, lemonade and lime in (they weren't allowing any alcohol in!)

2) The Company
I went with my brother, my two cousins and all their friends and this was just an ideal group of people who all loved music and were a great laugh. Considering my brother and I only really knew most of the group from a couple of nights out in London we got on really well... especially since we were all living together so closely!!

From using plastic bottles as loo paper (yes, you did read that correctly) to severe drunken frolics of collapsing chairs, incomprehensible banter and bad singing we had a ball.

3) The Toilets

Eeewwww. Enough said I think. But I survived it just about!! They were gross though and definitely worse than I expected! It is the summary of the condition of man back in the Victorian slums for me with these out houses as iot were and a pile of tents/slums lol!! I did enjoy the camping part though and am considering adopting it as a method of holidaying in the future!

4) The Aftermath
WE ARE GOING AGAIN! The tickets are booked, so V Festival 2010 here we come! It is going to be immense!

Another side effect of this is (on the negative side) I have been left to do all the washing and tidying up. Grrrr.... And I still haven't been paid back by my brother. I am far too nice a debt collector... I need to employ someone else to do it for me!! lol

But what a weekend, and what an unusual birthday!! Great times!!

The World of the Victorian Naturalist

2009-08-28T16:42:00.005+01:00

On pondering Old Fogey's comments on Christina Rossetti's poem in my previous blog, it come to mind of my friend's (Slarky) art work. For her degree, where she "only got a Desmond" as she put it (2:2)- outragous if you ask me!!- she did this piece on the "Victorian Naturalist". It is amazing, and I am duly posting it here.

This is what she says about it:

"THE WORLD OF THE VICTORIAN NATURALIST.

Using the 150th anniversary of the publication of Darwin’s The Origin of Species as a starting point, I wanted to visually explore the idea of the Victorian Naturalist and the paraphernalia associated with it, to show to what extent Victorian naturalists were harming the environments and species which they sought to learn about with their obsessive collecting for both acedemic and decorative purposes."

Old Fogey says that the poem instructs us what to do, but that Christina may not have followed it herself, which is entirely possible. However, I said that her sentiment in the poem is completely at odds with her time. The Victorians, as Slarky says, were harming the environments around them for knowledge and decoration. Even if Rossetti didn't always avoid squatting the odd fly or squashing the odd spider, she voiced an opinion little held and even less liked.

Check out her website here: http://www.charlotteslark.co.uk/index.html

POEMS FOR CHILDREN

2009-08-17T19:18:00.005+01:00

OK, so we probably know that I like Christina Rossetti's poems A LOT. Like a lot, not as much as Emily Dickinson, but a lot right?

I was in a charity shop last week and bought a 1969 copy of Christina Rossetti's poetry "for young readers" called Doves and Pomegranates. It is a really nice book. It is the sort of book that I would have loved as a child. At primary school we were always having a poetry day or something so I had this one book of poetry and I always HAD to pick something out of this book as it was the only one I had. It served me well, but by year 6 it was a little immature and I had used all the good ones! This book I am going to keep for my kids (if I have any) and they can use this book to death too.

HURT NO LIVING THING

Hurt no living thing:
Ladybird, nor butterfly,
Nor moth with dusty wing,
Nor cricket chirping cheerily,
Nor grasshopper so light of leap,
Nor dancing gnat, nor beetle fat,
Nor harmless worms that creep.

> This was particularly apt as I was lying in the bath reading this poem when I noticed a spider *eugh!* scuttle in through the slightly ajar window and I was wondering whether to kill it, capture it and throw it out the window to certain death or to just let it go but watch it wearily.

I watched it wearily for ten minutes before I couldn't take it any longer and got out the bath. And the water was still warm and the book unfinished. What a very rude spider that still lives.

Book Review: A Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini

2009-08-11T19:54:00.007+01:00

A Thousand Splendid Suns is written by Afghan author Khaled Hosseini (followed his debut The Kite Runner which I haven’t read- but I have ordered from Amazon based on how magnificent this book is!)

The book has two main characters- Mariam and Laila. It is through these two women we get an insight of the female world of Afghanistan. Mariam, as an illegitimate child, had a fairly unhappy childhood and when her mother hangs herself her father and his wives marry her off at the age of 15 to Rasheed, a much older shoemaker from Kabul. After she miscarries a child, Rasheed becomes abusive towards Mariam. In contrast to Mariam, Laila has a fairly happy upbringing to begin with. Although her mother is a depressive and idolises her sons too much, Laila enjoys a great relationship with her dad, has a great friend Tariq (who becomes a constant reminder of the child casualties of war- he lost his leg as a young child to a mine) and is highly intelligent with a good education. After a series of striking but brutal plot forming events (including the death of Laila’s parents) Laila ends up marrying Rasheed and living with Mariam. The brutality and torment Rasheed puts the women through is horrific. He makes them burqas to hide their identities (it is one of the most soul destroying parts of the books when Laila mirrors Mariam’s words when they both admit to feeling safe behind the burqas.

(To show how this novel struck me was when I was at work a lady with really pretty eyes came in wearing a burqa and her husband was really rude and brushed past her, shouted at her and left her to deal with the kids it made me wonder... what is her life like? I only finished the book the night before but it made me wonder and it still does...)

Anyway, back to the point... Hosseini vividly describes what life is like for women in a society where they are valued only for their reproductive ability and home-making skills. The marriage of both Laila and Mariam to Rasheed just becomes daily torture and their home is a prison that they are charged with to keep by fear and physical recrimination if they fail.

What is particularly novel about Hosseini is how he depicts the two women and their burgeoning friendship. For a man he really nails the relationship between women on the head and also how females’ minds work. It is hard to write from another gender’s perspective and many women fail to write a good solid male character and men find it hard to write a convincing female character. However, Hosseini really wins this one. In fact I thought he was a woman until I read the author’s blog bit on the back cover. Just an aside here: The bit that finally made me, the hard old nut crack, was when Laila returns to the village and reads Mariam’s father’s letter that he left for her. Only the reader knows the significance of the videotape and it really wrenched at my heartstrings. Anyone who has read the book and not cry at that... well, heartless is what you are.

Anyways, I shan’t reveal too much more of the plot as I do not want to spoil it for you, but it is a real eye opener and a terrific story. Read it. This book has already made it into my top ten I think. Or at least the top ten books that opened my eyes. The last one I can remember doing so is The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood so I am going to make a few comparisons between the two (plus they have a similar story plot of a) an oppressive patriarchy, b) female protagonists, c) they conjure up a world that is recognisable in some manner but not really known of, and d) they have deep psychological, bloody and violent content within.

What Hosseini has got right about this book with I think Atwood failed in was making it seem real. I suppose that Hosseini had the added benefit that the war in Afghanistan is still raging. There is no conclusion in sight in the real Afghanistan, unlike in his book where he actually paints the reader a picture of how he would like Afghanistan to be. For all the brutality, evil and death there is that underlying buoyancy that makes the reader feel that something has to go right. (Believe me I had to keep going to find a good happy bit to finish reading on for the night otherwise I would have a nightmare!!) Atwood never intends for The Handmaid’s Tale to be happy or optimistic. When she concludes her story with the protagonist escaping the chauvinistic and sexist society she lives in (a futuristic look at where hardline feminism will end up- in a world dominated by men), so the reader thinks “Yay! It is all over!” Nope. The epilogue completely shatters that view. Like a hundred years later the tapes she made of her story are played back the reader sees the beginnings of oppressive patriarchy rearing its head again. Bam! That happy ending is over. We are doomed to repeat ourselves.

Natasha Walter (hardline feminist too by the sounds of her) of the Guardian notes that Hosseini is particularly skilled in telling a story that seems unbearable but his direct tone and “the sense that you are moving to a redemptive ending” makes it “slip down easily”. I agree with her on this point, but she soon turns on this “sense (of)...moving to a redemptive ending” and says that Hosseini’s desire to believe in the deliverance of Afghanistan means that “the ending verges on the schmaltzy”. She continues to write that “Hosseini's understandable longing for a beautiful return to life for the oppressed people of Afghanistan has made for an ending that is just a little flimsy”.

I disagree with her here. This book has been more than a story in some ways. Hosseini has given us a history lesson, a real, down to earth, based on people, society and life in Afghanistan, a country that the West has little or no understanding of. I will hold my hands up and agree that I knew next to nothing. This book has educated but it hasn’t been rammed down our throats. It is just fact, story, fact, story. The combination of both working well and the ending- well, the book was published in 2007 and there is still no end to the story now in 2009. He ends it with that sense of prevailing optimism that has been present throughout the book and he ends with his own idealised version of his home country. He has transcended the real world and has given us his view of what Afghanistan should be, or perhaps more accurately, what it could be. The ending is a statement of one Afghan’s dream for his country. Schmaltzy? Flimsy? I don’t think so.

So at the end of the book I was shook up, battered and bruised (figuratively speaking) myself. Sleepless nights from either reading what happened next so gripped to the story or not being able to sleep for having finished on a particularly harrowing part... my oh my... what a novel.

The Humorous and True Story of Beryl the Breakdown

2009-08-11T17:58:00.002+01:00

Beryl is my car. I love my car and I keep her clean and well stocked with sweets and cool tunes. I give friends lift in her, I pop to the shops for Mam in her and I like driving myself to work. I make her go fast and I make her go slow, I take her round corners in fourth gear (okay, okay so maybe that wasn't a great idea) and I forget to take my handbrake off on hill starts... but otherwise she is a very well looked after lil automobile and leads a happy existence.

However.

One Thursday night whilst travelling to a pub in Iver with travelling companion JR, the rain lashed down and the windscreen wipers whooshed back and forth in a blur. We were traversing down some windy rural roads when Beryl hits some pretty big puddles and I think "ARGH". But she lives. An hour later on winding our way to another pub following some other school mates, Beryl dies on a corner of a road in a place with fields all around with no lights.

JR, who I promised a lift to had to go out in said lashing rain and heave/push/ stagger against/ generally curse at the car to get into a pub car park. On sitting back in the car again, drenched and less than amused. Well, OK, this is JR. He was cool about it and more worried about the car. We thought it may have been the puddles and all. Sean came out and we tried "roll starting it". To be honest they could have done with a better and more experienced driver and some street lights to help the matter. (I didn't know what a roll start was.) This was interesting, After pushing it up the inclining car park and letting me roll whilst I pump the accelerator and do various things with the keys and clutch only to fail and repeat pushing her back up the car park again to let me go and do it all again when she failed again (!!). Needless to say it failed. AGAIN. About an hour later, drenched, fed up and in need of a pint we left car in pub car park and proceeded to pub. Good night was had by all.

On returning to car with Daddy the next day, would Beryl start?

Nope.

Thankfully Iver MOT place was ten minutes drive from there and we dropped keys off with the strict instructions to fix it. They have. It was the foot pump (?) and it wasn't injecting petrol to the engine blah de blah it wasn't the huge puddles I drove through blah de blah gobbledygook etc etc...
£207 later she is at home and well. On the plus side though, they did fix my central locking system for which I am eternally grateful. One button and I can get everyone in the car!! yay!

What a palaver!

Spendaholic

2009-08-11T17:50:00.003+01:00

Okay, I think I may have to admit that I am a spendaholic.

Sigh.

I am again facing the prospect of my overdraft. Yes. It was pay day only 11 days ago. Grrrrr. However in that time I have had to pay for car repairs (yes, my car is two months in my possession). On the other hand, I think the inner tubes for my bike, the four books I bought off Amazon and two new CDs were not as necessary. Damn! lol yet I know I will do it again next month!! But next month I will be going down to two days a week *argh* so money troubles really start for real!!

However, books keep me entertained = not going out = not spending money = cheaper in the long run???

*coughVFESTcough* Yeah... that is another hole in the bank... and I almost bought new tap shoes today *why oh why!* I think it was spending time with my fellow spendaholic friend who, despite now working, still has a monthly subsidy from her rents, her car was bought for her and her insurance is being paid for her too...

Anyhow... wails of woe of wads of £$£$£$£$ have thus ended....

Piercings/Tattoos

2009-08-01T17:57:00.007+01:00

LEO VIRGO

Now I have a clamouring to get a tattoo done... Well, it isn't so recent and I even know what I want and where... I want there above star signs tattoo'd on my wrists (little finger side).

HOWEVER.

My Mam will actually kill me and bury me in the back yard if I got one. So. Really it is not an option.

Therefore... shall I get my ears pierced again? I have just been paid, I am not affluently rich but there is dough to play around with rather than save it??? Hmmmm... I shall investigate tomorrow methinks...

I want second holes on my lobe and a single piercing through the middle of the lip of my left ear...

Anyhow... I am born on the cusp meaning that I am both Leo and Virgo... I think that I am very much both of these star signs although they are definitely very different. I think this is where I often run into trouble when knowing what to do or who I am.

Here is the "synopsis" of being a Leo:

Characteristics:
Leo’s may have strength and courage like a Lion, but they can also have egos too, and like to take control. Their protectiveness can also come across as being bossy and interfering. On the positive side, a Leo can be generous and protective to those around them. They also have an optimistic, enthusiastic, outlook on life. One of their most important leadership qualities is good organisation.

Leo people are grand, confident and generous, although you tend to be egocentric and can be somewhat overbearing. Glamorous Leo enjoys a thoroughgoing love of life and all its pleasures. As the Sun bestows light and life without favour, the benefactor of every living thing on this earth, so you, genial host and natural entertainer, get inordinate pleasure from helping others enjoy life as much as you do. Though full of ambition and enthusiasm, Leo has to admit to a lazy streak and, given the opportunity, will take the easy way out, especially when a situation offers little fun or glory. This is something lazy, luxurious Leo needs to watch.

Determined Leo, a fixed sign, can be rather stubborn and resistant to imposed changes. In many ways this is a plus, for it gives you the stamina to accomplish things in life, due to your tenacity. You can stick with projects when other more easily distracted souls lose concentration or interest. This stubbornness, which you prefer to think of as consistency and determination, is, however, dictated more often than not by your ego.

It is easy for pleasure-loving Leo to become addicted to rich food, and as the cat gets older you find yourself putting on weight. Your gregarious nature makes it hard to enjoy or stick to boring, solitary physical fitness routines. Dancing, swimming, and tennis are your favourites, though you are quite keen on sports of all kinds.

Compatibility:
Leo’s don’t always like to share the spotlight, and are also very competitive so get on best with star signs that won’t overshadow them. A Leo will generally be compatible with other Fire signs (Aries and Sagittarius) and Air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius).Although Air and Fire signs seek it for different reason, both find common ground in their love of freedom.

Symbol: The Lion
“They swagger about displaying the fruits of luxury- but the sentiments of their honest hearts are without guile.” (Manilius, 1st Century)
Throughout history the Lion has been known as the king of the jungle, and revered for its strength and courage. Similar qualities are seen in a Leo, who also enjoys leadership and being the centre of attention.

Element: Fire
Those born under Leo are associated with Fire, and thus a fiery personality. It can also indicate creativity, and a great enthusiasm for life. Although on the flip side, fire signs can easily burn out of control.

Here is the "synopsis" of being a Virgo:

Characteristics:
A Virgo likes routine, which enables them to be practical and industrious workers. They are also very good at absorbing information. On a personal level, Virgo’s are at their happiest when looking out for other people. Virgo’s can also be mistaken for introverts, as they are very shy and modest, partly due to an awareness of their own short-comings. Although modesty is a known aphrodisiac, few Virgo’s will react to any love interest without some self doubt. The negative side to their character can also find them too conservative, and weighed down by the details of a project. Disappointment, however, can harden you into a cynic and a skeptic. Virgo consequently becomes quite critical with self as well as circumstances, due to the effect of such disappointments on a sensitive and discriminating nature.

The planet Mercury, governing our intellect and communicative faculties, rules Virgo, where tradition also places the house of its exaltation, so Virgins have a truly intellectual, critical and analytical approach to life. Communication is important and you love books and writing.

A critical eye for detail, combined with your ceaseless pursuit of perfection, endows you with an irresistible urge to improve everything and everyone (whether they need it or not!). Although you often have altruistic motives in helping others, you do have a teensy tendency to act the martyr when your offerings are ignored. It is not unheard of for you to use guilt as a weapon. Helping others to improve is one thing, my dears, but pushing them toward goals of perfection they cannot hope to accomplish is quite destructive, as well as impossible.

Health-conscious Virgo makes an effort to stay physically fit and you don't mind repetitive health routines.You enjoy tennis, racquetball, swimming, sailing, fishing, and biking, even though athletically you are not overly competitive. It's just that you always seek to perfect whatever skills you may have, primarily for the sake of doing a thing well.

You are also subject to black moods and despondency from time to time, which can adversely affect others in your vicinity.

Compatibility:
For centuries the zodiac elements have been used to describe basic personality traits in human nature, and this can be quite accurate in predicting which star signs will be most compatible. Virgo’s are known for their dependable natures and it’s this trait they look for in others. They will find this in the other earth signs, (Taurus and Capricorn). The water signs of Pisces, Scorpio, and Cancer are also compatible with earth signs. The nature of earth signs means they are often ‘guiding’ water signs towards achieving their goals, while in turn, water signs can help mould or release emotions in an earth sign.

Symbol: The Virgin
“She has a tongue which charms, a mastery of words, and not so much wealth as the impulse to investigate the causes and effects of things.” (Manilius, 1st Century)
The true origins of the name are unknown, but Virgo has most often been associated with the symbol of a virgin, or specifically the Virgin Mary. As the sixth sign of the zodiac, Virgo is known not only as the god of fertility, but of agriculture too, as its sign falls in harvest time.

Element: Earth
Linking a star sign to an element occurs mainly in Western astrology, with Virgo being an Earth sign. Earth is also a strong indicator of stability and grounding in a star sign. Another buzzword associated with Earth signs is ‘physical’, which refers to their nature and a need for physical security. They share a need for security with water signs, but these signs seek it on an emotional level.

Well, I think summarises me quite nicely....

As someone said to me at work the other day after discussing horoscopes... that each star sign must have like a billion people of that same sign and that we can't all be like that... hmmm I wonder whether people are all that different inherently... We have all got to get along for a reason, right?

So it is August eh?

2009-08-01T17:01:00.006+01:00

Where has time gone????? It is now August!! That means it is 1 month and twenty days till I start my Master of Arts degree in History, 22 days to my birthday, 21 days to V Music Festival...

They seem to have been deadlines way ahead in the future and actually it isn't. Startling stuff huh?

Anyhow, updates of my life so far...

Two "Leaving Do's".

Now I do not adapt well to change it must be said, but two proper full on characters of the castle have left and it is sad. Pete and Johnny D were legends and the castle is most definitely quieter (I feel I have gone deaf!!) Anyways apart from the ansgt at them leaving, their leaving do's were fab! I really enjoyed having a good booze up with the students and fellow work mateys after work resulting in two people gettigng ridiculously drunk on whiskey shots *shakes head* and then who gets lumbered sitting in the middle of the inevitable puke twins? MOI! haha!! It was Olly with his dry wretching and bellowing belches- he is tiny!! Where did it come from!? It was a good night and oodles of food to go round!!
Johhny D's leaving do was a night filled with dramas!! One had a fit before getting to the restaurant and then there was an argument over the bill!! GAR! However, all was well in the end. It was certainly a do to remember.

BOOKS.

I am reading again. Four books this week. Okay, none of noteable worth most would say, but they were complete escapism. There was one about horse racing and love (okay all my books are romances!!), one about illegitmate child and unmarried mam/farming people post-World War Two in Yorkshire, one about a woman who has a car crash, loses her family, fiance and use of her legs and then falls unsuspectingly in love with a man who was in the other car... and the last one was an Erica James novel- God! I love this woman! Complete holiday reading!! A widowed woman facing up to her husband's death, finds new love etc.... blah de blah! You know the rest!!

DRIVING!

Yay! I am beginning to love the driving. Apart from a small scuff/prang/crash with a jeep which the rental do not know about, all is good!! I can park on our driveway now with speed, grace and ease!! No mean feat I will tell ya with four cars on the drive!

MANAGEMENT SUCK!

One minor falling out with one manager and he is STILL ignoring me slash giving me evils. Men. They are such children. He is a bit of a tit at times, though a pretty fair and cool manager. And I was rather waspish- I told him to start acting like a manager *ouch*. I blame my father for this trait and my mother for speaking whatever I think coming uncontrollably out of my mouth (and also for my temper).
However, epic backfire on this though from my point of view- I am no longer to wear my trousers (not uniform issue) so I have to wear my skirt regardless of weather. I though yesterday was going to be cool and windy (so said mr. weatherman with his 14-16 degrees!!) so I prepared myself with the most ridiculously thick tights imaginable (Laura Batty would have been proud) and nobly stood in the same post where the argument first took place. The bloody British weather decided to be sunny so was consequently baked by 2 o'clock (20 degrees at least!) and the stupid manager wasn't even in!! Grrrrr... I also have sinking feeling that ticket staff have been told of rebuttal and there is definitely some frostiness on their part. *yikes like I care* Well obviously I do, 'cos I am blogging about it but you know... I will get over it.

SILENT DISCO.

This is the best concept ever! It was a really good night. We went to "Sceince Museum Lates" In London. It was slightly marred by my brother getting a little odd towards the end of the evening and not wanting to join in with some murmuring protestations that he had swine flu, to which I laughed and said "Sure, but you still feel well enough to go and buy yourself another beer". (And lo and behold, no swine flu has appeared since...) There was some heartbreak though for one guy- unrequited love-poor thing. Also because we a large group there was issues deciding what we should do. For future reference ('cos yes, we are going back!) we will know what to do- divide and conquer as they say! All that said I did have a really good night out and it was fairly cheap too with 2 4 1 burgers at Gourmet Burger Kitchen, a Young Persons Railway Travelcard, and free entry into the event = EPIC WIN! I especially enjoyed the Michael Jackson dance competition! It was just cool to hang with the young wardens.

ITALY.

I am definitely planning on a solo trip to Italy when I have found out the dates of my university course. I have been really wanting to do this for ages and so I bloody well am! I just need to decide a course of action. I want to see it all, but I may just have to stick to one city for the time being!!
I have been wanting to travel so much! There are so many places to see and to experience, but I just do not have the balls to do it! But Italy has really been nagging at me for the last two years. Spurred on my a friend who has just toured Italy and then southern Europe over two and a half weeks I think I will do it myself.
Any suggestions of what to do, where to go are gratefully accepted!!

DAD'S BIRTHDAY.

It was my Dad's 49th Birthday yesterday. It was good. We had Chinese, drunk copious amounts of wine, ate The Extremely Chocolatey Colin the Caterpillar from Marks and Spencer with make sift candles because Mam had misplaced our 'Candle Box' where keep decorations from cakes spanning twenty years!! We still have the ballerinas from my birthday cake I had when I was 5. My Mam had made me a stage! It was pretty fab!! I am still impressed by it now!! And a castle, a teddy bear, trains, football pitches... she was pretty damn good!!
My Dad is notoriously hard to buy for. So he got a bery cool pair of new jeans from me, a cool pair of new Nike trainers from Mam, some Roos Kemp DVDS from Rob (long story to be dictated in a new post!!), gardening stuffs like kneeling pad, a brand spanking new and very hot trowel, items for his 'shed patio' where he will duly hide out forever with a cider and his fishing gear... He also does most of the cooking in this household so a Best of British Cookbook and a mortatr and pestle to knock up his sauces and ground up his new herb garden he was given too.
All in all I hope to think he had a good birthday. In contrast to Mam's 50th it was definitely quieter and snaller in scale so I hope he didn't feel too hard done by.

Signing Off...

It is my one weekend off of three weeks so I am going to enjoy it. I had a long lie in this morning to catch up on all the partying of the last week and a bit, a good old long soak in the bathtub- that was great, texted people... still need to text others... I am just chilling really and being lazy... Next week it is dissertation research preliminaries and a lot of exercise... I am thinking Swimming Friday morning and a nice long walk round Black Park...

Ciao For Now XX

Book Review: The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova

2009-07-19T15:27:00.004+01:00

"To you, perceptive reader, I bequeath my history...."

The blurb on the back of the book really tantalises you to think that this will be a book you just can’t put down. Unfortunately, I was all too aware that I did put it down more than is usual to help peel potatoes (at the supposed crucial climatic moment towards the end) and on reflection, I realised that I started reading it AGES ago and that it never really gripped me, though the concept and the plot were all ripe for my undying attention. As my family will testify, if I have within my hands a book that is really compelling, you will not get anything out of me until the concluding paragraph.

So overall I would say I am disappointed. I feel as if I have been educated on a part of history I didn’t know and that I have been preached to about the role of history and evil, etc in the world, but I have not been won over on this topic (as much as I would like to have been) or on the sometimes preachy tone. I am a historian, or would like to be. This book did not spur me on the course to find out more about Vlad Tepes/Dracula any more than Buffy, Twilight and Anne Rice’s An Interview With A Vampire did. I really am a vampire-fan and total saddo historian- WHY DID THIS BOOK NOT WOW ME????

Kostova combines the search for Dracula based in historical fact with the literary Dracula from Stoker’s Victorian novel. This combination hopes to make the reader feel that Dracula from Stoker’s pages was/is a real living thing because the supernatural is backed by historical documented evidence. This is nicely enveloped with the fact that this version of Dracula has a penchant for librarians, historians and archivists. YAY I say- let me join!!

The story starts with a young woman finds an ancient book in her father’s library, which catapults her into a dark past of bloody tales, secrets and mysteries that at the heart are connected to Vlad the Impaler a.k.a Dracula. The quest that unravels from the finding of this book is centuries old: to find the source of evil (I think) and wipe it out. To do this, the truth about Vlad the Impaler, the medieval ruler whose barbarous reign formed the basis of the legend of Dracula, needs to be uncovered. Three generations of historians (adviser, students (father and mother) and daughter (the narrator)) have and will search for clues all over the places from monasteries to archives in universities and large cities all over the world.

In what almost promises to be a gothic delight with Dracula, old dusty books and historians/librarians running amok I find it a heavy, clunking thriller that unfortunately never really picks up pace and can bore those not already converted to the greatness of knowing and learning about history.

Kostova has a good sense of time and place and knowledge of history moving from Amsterdam, 1970s Oxford, to 1930s Romania, 1950s Cold War Budapest and Bulgaria, France and Philadelphia, US, in the 20th century. Although her sense of these places and time rings true and certainly well researched, at times it fails to follow through into the text. For example an Oxford lecturer in 1930s sounds not so different from the narrator in 1970s. The tone and phrasing of the characters is not that different when it should be. When the difference is noted it is with an uneasy and faltering hand. Helen (principal narrator’s mother Romanian/Bulgarian) speaks with clumsy mistakes highlighted by a correction by another character such as “a blink of sleep” as opposed to “a wink”. It started off as a nice touch but it just became a way of singling Helen out as different when failing to mark all the other characters out as unique.

The Historian, as a novel, is a mixture of genres from gothic, to a thriller, a travelogue, and historical fiction whilst also being an adventure and detective novel. It has all the right elements to make this book unique and gripping. Kostova wanted to write a serious literary piece and it does have a didactic tone shown through the questioning of the role history has in society and how it is represented (something that has interested me for a long time). It is argued during the course of the novel that the knowledge of history is power, especially as it is written in books.... at this point I hark back to George Orwell as his famous quote that ‘the victors write history’ (paraphrased very badly I am sure by me- apologies).

The title of the book “The Historian” is very much that- a title. It displays power and knowledge. It can refer to any of the characters in the book, but most of all Dracula/Vlad. With history comes with it a lot of books (I know this to be true!!) and this novel encompasses a love of books. Each of the characters is drawn to books and the written word. Each character is a scholar. Even Dracula is a bibliophile and a wannabe scholar. Through Dracula we come to see what the price of this love of books and knowledge can be- Power, but obsession too.

There is one quote of this book I would like to insert here, which really alerted me to the underlying didactic purpose of this book:

“It is a fact that we historians are interested in what is partly a reflection of ourselves we would rather not examine except through the medium of scholarship; it is also true that as we steep ourselves in our interests they become more and more a part of us.”

The characters of the book are interested in Dracula and his history because that in some way relates to a part of them. However, it is that medium which separates them JUST from being like Dracula. They look at it through the scholarly mind, but the lure will always be there. At the end, when the narrator returns to a library to research again (reminiscing) that the librarian returns her forgotten notebook and the book with a dragon inside it- like the one she first found. It begs the question whether Dracula lives because there is always someone interested in it, willing to dig around for the occult/supernatural/evil?

So this question leads me on to another theme of the book- the contemplation of the nature of good and evil. The book does make us think what is evil and why does it exist. Dracula’s thoughts on this matter are clear: “History has taught us that the nature of man is evil, sublimely so. Good is never perfectible, but evil is. Why should you not use your great mind in service of what is perfectible?...You will have what every historian wants: history will be reality to you.”

Dracula is the metaphor for evil in this book and it is implied that he has had a hand in what happened in Nazi Germany and supports socialism. Evil comes into many themes like socialism such as religion (Christians versus Muslims). Although neither side is exempt from evil deeds, it is Islam that comes out on top. Muslims, or a secret sect of them, have been trying to fight the evil Dracula, whilst Christianity in the form of monks has tried to help him. In the end Dracula is killed. Or is he? I am not sure, and although the book ends on this wavering question, the readers are just not that convinced. However, it has made me think and write this blog... so who knows?

A review on Amazon states, quite accurately I think, that “this is quietly a good book rather than a spectacular debut” and although I read it, I understood it and it made me think... it just lacks that special quality that will make me pick it up again.

The End of Summer Vacation

2009-07-19T15:20:00.003+01:00

For many kiddie-winks and studenty types (of which I was one) their summer holidays are starting. For me mine is ending. Damn British weather with the rain and the clouds and the general urgh weather that brings out the hermit in me and have spent the last week watching DVDs and reading books as opposed to going to zoo *merecats and elephants* and Brighton *one rocking night out with the local LGBT delegates* EPIC FAIL.

I feel I have wasted a week but then I haven't had a proper do nothing holiday since... well Christmas (4 days off) and before then the few weeks just after I finished uni last year. Sigh... it harks back to the days of reading copious amiunts of books catching up on tv series I lost out whilst revising...

Still I am back at work tomorrow with the inevitable touristy rush post-school break-up ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH Two weeks of nothing then thrown into the pit of hell for the next two months and I mean BUSY! However, there are many social activities planned over the next few weeks which will surely make me regret writing this blog over my inactivity- I will long for the days of inactivity and lethargy!!

On a plus note- I am wondering whether I want to be come a teacher to enjoy these holidays once more.... but then I hear that you never really get those six weeks off. You are just doing paperwork.... hmmmm...

Anyway that is quite enough ranting from moi!

DESPERATION AT MY SLOVENLY STATE

2009-07-18T19:10:00.003+01:00

Again I say it... I sooooo NEED to go on a diet. I am not obese but hell I have put on weight the two, and I repeat the TWO weeks I have been on holiday and not doing anything. I have also resolved to go to Halfords and out new tyres on my bike to cycle round Black Park once a week and also to swim once a week after work. I have also promised myself to get my "Tap Board" out from under the bed and start practising. I am woefully unpractised and haven't done "wings" in.... pfft how long?

It is funny how two weeks off and staying at home makes me feel guilty and I actually do less than if I was abroad... Next holiday- I don't care how cheap or dreadful it is I am going somewhere...

Movie Blog: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

2009-07-16T14:24:00.007+01:00

So, I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince last night with my brother, affectionately known as BFG (Big Friendly Giant). He is my Hagrid of the muggle world. We went out for a few bevvies, an all you can eat Chinese to placate the boy's growing hunger so he could concentrate in the film (and also as a kind of bribe for him having to sit next to me throughout it as I squeal and cover my eyes ten minutes before 'it' happens because I already know what is going to happen.)

Now, I had heard mixed reviews about this film, and many say it misses too much out, the plot is not as exciting, it just feels like a lead up to the last films etc etc blah de blah. As my Mam pointed out to me last night, Harry Potter has been a part of my life for ten years now and I have been more than obsessed by it in my earlier years. It got me through some difficult times and therefore I think I should be the harshest critic of the films. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for me is the best film yet. Each HP film gets better and better than the last. The stunts, special effects and CGI was terrific, incomparable to any other film preceding this. Yes, things are missed out but it is a FILM. It is impossible to have everything in. What I look at in book/film ratios is does it capture the atmosphere, does it capture the book overall and does it have the integral plot structures in place?

The answer (in the Half Blood Prince) is yes.

RELATIONSHIPS:
Dumbledore and Harry's relationship is nailed to perfection. I love the touches that the screenwriter put in (Steve Kloves). Dumbledore's memories are used and captured wonderfully, although there are some that are excluded. Understandable I suppose, but it would have been nice to have seen them. However, the film manages to progress along without them (but I do wonder how the next film will progress without them being included in this film... those memories help Harry, Ron and Hermione find the rest of the Horcruxes- hello? The House of Gaunt? Why the ring was chosen by Voldemort to be a Horcrux?)

As Dumbledore acknowledges that Harry has grown up, so do we the audience realise that they have all grown up in front of our very eyes on the big screen. I have grown up with them. It actually transcended the cinema/audience perspective and made it all the more real.

It is the relationships that really flourish in this film and really makes this film great. We see the trio (Harry, Ron and Hermione) go through some tough challenges (namely hormones and a lot of snogging) and then get closer together. Harry and Hermione have a nice purely friendship relationship and you can really believe they are just friends (although Albus questions this- I loved that bit!!). The scene when they talk about love being semi-unrequited and seeing your "love" as it were snogging someone else and the hurt... really nice touch- and I know how you feel guys!!

I saw an interview with J K Rowling about the third film way back when and she said that she had wished she had come up with some of the ideas that the screenwriter had- namely in the Prisoner of Azkaban the talking heads. I think JK would have loved the touches that were brought to life from her book. The subtleties of the book are hard to bring to life on film. The Hermione-Ron-Lavender love triangle was funny, touching and very realistic.

Harry and Ginny- well, I did have a little squirm in the cinema when they kissed. It was a bit too lovey dovey but then I am a cynic!! BUT FINALLY GINNY GETS HER MAN!! The scene where Ron first gets with Lavender was what was supposed to have happened between Ginny and Harry but there you go...

COMIC GENIUS: Now, the comedy factor must not be ignored. It was actually belly-achingly funny! Ron/Rupert Grint was the comic masterpiece in this to Draco's emotional turmoil. The contrast between the two ensured that we do get the idea that a dark threat is ever present but the comedy really does lighten up the situation verging at times to making the film seem like a great Rom-Com.
From Ron's tryouts for the Gryffindor Quidditch team to Ron swallowing the love potion and everything that entailed was used to its full potential. The entire cinema was laughing, chuckling and at times roaring with genuinely good fun comedy.

CONTRAST BETWEEN DARK AND LIGHT: As I have already mentioned the contrast to this is Draco and the dark cloud of evil always presence. The clever way the film flicked between darkness and light was really effective. Draco the poor lad (and yes you really do feel sorry for him) is falling apart in this film. Bellatrix is deliciously evil and Fenrir Greyback was truly terrifying but I think underused- I look forward to him in the next two films being used more. Small touches like the Death Eaters testing the boundaries of Hogwarts as they try to get in shows that the school is very much under threat. Larger touches such as the Weasley's house being burnt down (not in the book!!!) does show how easy the Death Eaters nearly got to Potter and how they can punish the "blood traitors" if they so wish. It was shocking but it did serve its purpose. However, what is going to happen in the next book when Fleur and Bill get married huh?? I am sure the film writers have it all worked out... well they better had!!

Just a few more points before I round off.

I loved the Vanishing Cabinets. Great design.
I loved Professor Slughorn- not quite as described in the book, but Jim Broadbent was marvellous- the complete epitome of an eccentric, academic English professor. He was charming, crazy, amusing and pathetic all at once.

The Snape-Dumbledore relationship- perfect! I shall not reveal anymore on that one though... I do not want to be a spoiler!! OH SOD IT!! You could see the conflict in Snape's face as he killed Dumbledore. It was perfect. He so didn't want to kill him, and the audience getting a peep of Snape struggling against what Dumbledore has asked him is effective- we get to know Snape on a deeper level and at the same time are still mystified about who he really is.

The ending did annoy me a bit though. I think Harry should have been made not to be able to help Dumbledore- I was angry for him for not acting, but then he did as Dumbledore said- trusted him and followed his orders to the word, but I think if he was able to he would have tried to stop Snape. AND WHERE THE HELL WAS THE FUNERAL? WHAT ARE THEY DOING HAVING THAT WAND IN DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE??? HUH??? WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO IN THE NEXT FILM???

I also wished that the film makers could have explained briefly why Snape was the half blood Prince- I had to explain it to my brother (whoops if I spoilt it for you- sorry guys :S) It was a good ending after Dumbledore had died- Snape stopping Bellatrix from hurting Harry yet the venom he still feels towards Harry because he is James Potter's son. I also liked Ginny comforting Harry whilst kneeling at Dumbledore's body and all the students and teachers light their wands and raise them to the sky to dispel the Dark Mark. That was a really great idea. And it is here that I admit I shed a tear. (But where was the funeral??)

So what next? I think I will see it again and blog about the things I may have missed the first time round. The set from Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes shop to Borgin and Burke's shop, from Slughorn's house to Snape's house, the details of each set were as close to the book as humanly possible and at points the world of Harry Potter came to life.

Out of ten? I give this film ten :)

But then I would, wouldn't I?

TWITTER

2009-07-16T14:23:00.001+01:00

Oh yes, or more accurately I say oh NO! I have gone and done it.... I have joined Twitter *sighes*

What have I done? *she wails!*

Epic Fail/Win

2009-07-15T10:46:00.006+01:00

EPIC FAIL 1: Okay, maybe not quite that epic but still... I still haven't started James Joyce AGAIN. It didn't fit in my bag on the way to Hatty's so it stayed behind. However "The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostova did fit in my bag. It is about history, vampires and books. What more can I say? A complete perfect book for me!!

I will do a little blog about it when I have finished methinks...

EPIC FAIL 2: driving post-driving test with the rentals = ARGH never again! It was like my first ever driving lesson all over again but without running over the wee child. However, on transporting myself to dance on Monday evening by MYSELF I was fine. I also have a list of errands to do today and I going to take my car out and give it a spin to do these errands.... however it does involve parking- ouch! I still haven't achieved parking within the lines as of yet. On the plus driving side, I have managed to reverse into our drive and avoid hitting the wall, fence and the other three cars on the drive so YAY!!

EPIC WIN 1: was my time well spent in Cambridge!! We had an excellent night out in which we managed to blag ourselves in free!! Vodka Revolutions whoop whoop! Had a bit of a boogie, I deftly dealt with some 30-something male pervs with a tact and polite approach of course and cheesy chips on the way home plus hare girly chats= epic win.
I punted... though I did end up finding myself doing it better whilst going "backwards". Personally I think they have been doing it wrong for years and that the right way was my way :P Then I did get stuck in a tree and the punt-stick-thing also got stuck in the tree and I was clinging to the boat-thing with my toes whilst trying to extract myself from the said tree. Hatty kept paddling forwards so the boat was very close to leaving me in the tree!! After untangling myself to the avid amusement of other (and more proficient) punters, we crashed into the bank and got stuck there. *EPiC FAiL* However it was the best fun I have had in ages! It was fun being a tourist. I have become so cynical whilst working at Windsor.

EPIC WIN 2: Bowling! I went bowling with my brother and rents for the first time in two years I think we worked it out as! It was great fun!! I hit like two strikes and a million squillion spares and won the first game!!! YAY!! I was really impressed though my mobile wouldn't take a photo so I could commemorate this victorious win! My dad was gutted as he is the usual big winner with a hundred strikes!! I nearly came last in out second game though. I still maintain the pint of beer in the interval was my downfall. I did manage coming second in the end because the boys cam joint first and I managed to his a couple of spares at the end to overtake Mam. Mama was not too amused. We had a real good time, and were a little naughty and had a Big Mac- it is the best Mac I have had in years- it was freshly made and MAN! could you tell!! We then had a game of pool in which the boys valiantly teamed up with one girl apiece. I potted the black ball extraordinarily well and won the game, but really me and mam were really BAD! haha... mam did miss the ball in fact of one occasion and I cheated so... good day all in all!

TODAY- I have a feeling will be an EPIC WIN. I AM GOING TO SEE THE NEW HARRY POTTER FILM!!!! YAY! THE WAIT IS OVER. I AM GENUINELY VERY EXCITED AND WILL OF COURSE BLOG THE NECESSARY DETAILS DOWN WHEN I GET BACK. Rob (brother) has kindly agreed to see it with me (but secretly he has been watching all the bits and pieces on TV before I have and he is already trying to guess who the half-blood prince is). We are also going for all you can eat Chinese before too so this is going to be great!!

Movie Blog: Public Enemies

2009-07-09T20:30:00.004+01:00

Public Enemies, July 2009

Starring: Johnny Depp, and Christian Bale
Directed by Michael Mann

Rather like my *failed* book review section of this blog, I shall try and do this *with more success* for films.

I saw Public Enemies yesterday with my mate Colette. It was bloody, it was well filmed, it was amazingly cast and ergo it equals one huge success. Mind you anything with Johnny Depp in I am a complete sucker for!! Whether it be Jack Sparrow in Pirates to Ichabod Crane in Sleepy Hollow, from Sweeney Todd to John Wilmot in The Libertine... Johnny Depp never fails to deliver. This is blockbuster stuff at its best. Romance, violence, a bit of a thrill and a bit of drama et voila! One ace film!

Hands up- I did groan at some of the bloodier scenes where blood splatters and especially the part were a bullet went through Dillenger/Johnny Depp's face. ARGH!

I laughed and I very almost cried at the end... *I shan't tell you anymore... though everyone pretty much knows what happens!*

SYNOPSIS: Based on a true story in Depression-era America, bank robber John Dillinger (Depp), whose armed robberies of banks made him the number one target of J. Edgar Hoovers new FBI whilst simultaneously proving himself popular with the masses as he flouted the banks that had caused the depression. The FBI's top agent, Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) has been assigned Dillinger. It is now his job to stop Dillenger. Purvis is outmaneuvered. From jailbreaks to bank robberies that looked doomed to fail Dillenger won over the public sympathy.

I loved the fact that they had the film Manhattan Melodrama with Clark Gable in at the end was a particularly sweet touch since it is SO ironic that Dillinger died on exiting the movie theatre after watching a gangster film. The other part I liked where he was in the movie theatre again and the commercials roll; the public there are asked to look to their left and right to see if "Public Enemy Number One" is sitting next to them. He is and no one spots him. That devilish grin says it all!

I am a fan of the 1930s and seriously love the music, risque-ness, the clothes, the attitude... This film completely captures the time and the crime. Blood thirsty, violent and completely compelling this film is definitely worth paying the cinema fees to see!!

Here... I couldn't for some reason add this photo to the prvious post...

2009-07-09T19:23:00.001+01:00

Paramore....