The House of the Rising Sun

This is one of my all time favourite songs- no matter who sings it, though Muse, The Animals and Sinead O'Connor do my most fabulous versions. I think the sombre and almost macabre songs are appealing to be the most at the moment....

LYRICS:
There is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God I know I'm one My mother was a tailor
She sewed my new bluejeans
My father was a gamblin' man
Down in New Orleans
Now the only thing a gambler needs
Is a suitcase and trunk
And the only time he's satisfied
Is when he's on a drunk


Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done
Spend your lives in sin and misery
In the House of the Rising Sun
Well, I got one foot on the platform
The other foot on the train
I'm goin' back to New Orleans
To wear that ball and chain
Well, there is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God I know I'm one

MY Gaping Hole

I want to be that
I want to be that with
Such longing
But will never be.

It depresses you
And makes your life
Feel inadequate
And a pale ghost of what it should be.

It gasps and swallows you whole
That blackness clouding you,
Then blanketing you
Then nothing.

I strive hard but never enough
One day I will find that ideal
But not yet, not yet.
I have to earn it first.

Thoughts of A Dying Atheist, Muse

Eerie whispers
Trapped beneath my pillow
You won't let me sleep
Your memories

I know you're in this room
I'm sure I heard you sigh
Floating in-between
Where our worlds collide

It scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see
And it scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see

I know the moments near
And there's nothing we can do
Look through a faithless eye
Are you afraid to die?

It scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see
And it scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see

It scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see
And it scares the hell out of me
And the end is all I can see

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVolJX7hbvk

Irish Guards Get Their New Colours At Windsor!

'Tis the first time I have ever seen the Queen, and I was dead chuffed today for having been working where I was! Gave me a great outlook!! Shame I didn't get any great quality photos though :( *sad times* however.... here (above, because I can't get them anywhere else) are some of the photos of the queen personally giving the Irish guards their new colours today in the Quadrangle in Windsor Castle.

The Colours display the regiment's "Iraq 2003" battle honours for the first time. They were the first regiment to go into Basra during the war and have lost four soldiers since 2003. They last returned from operations in Iraq in December 2007. The Queen also recognised their service in Kosovo in 1999.

After their practice rehearsals this week, I have to say they looked marvellous in all their regalia. They were smart, all together in their movements, the mascot, an Irish wolfhound, was immacualately well behaved, and the music was apt. They played Auld Lang Syne which was supposed to represent the retirement of the old colours from service. It was a really nice ceremony.

The weather was sunny albeit a bit breezy- but I am sure the soldiers were appreciative of the breeze to keep them cool under the bearskins. The tourists were ecstatic to have seen the queen- they never expected to see her and they were soooo pleased. They are in some ways more patirotic than us Brits are.

All in all today I feel pleased for two reasons. One to British. I felt a surge of patriotism and pride in our armed forces (not that I agree that they are always applied to the correct use by the government, but I am sure that is more political than their fault!!!). Secondly, I am just so pleased that we have ended our reign in Iraq this past week or so. It was never right. Sadam Hussain mya have been what he was, but the legitimate reason this government put forwards for entering this conflict have been founded to be false. How is it we get away with this? Regardless, well done lads! The British population are proud of ya! As for the government..... you have your comeuppance (I hope) in the election for you have let us down!!

Well done lads again....

Twilight

I think I have a bit of an obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to books and films, I always watch and read the same books over and over again. I recently just got into this Twilight fad. ARGH!!! Bane of my existence. I am re-reading the entire series of books again for like the fifth time? I only got them two months ago!! Plus the film ahs been released on DVD so it is constantly playing in the background in my room!!

Mind you on reflection, 70% of book obsessions are in fact to do with topics that are out of this world. Twilight is about vampires and my other continuing obsession is Harry Potter. Wizards and vampires do not exost yet the appeal to me is absolute. I do not get it. I do not get me. Regardless I am going to blog my little heart about my current obsession....

The book/film critque of Twilight....

As with all problems with books being turned into films, there is never enough time to fit in all the little details that made the book great like developing the slow moving relationship between characters. You don’t get to meet the character and to learn to know them. You are constantly aware that time is short and is forced into a breakneck speed. This is the same case for Twilight.
The book has some wicked and witty human traits picked out by the author and used subtly throughout the book. The human observations are marvellous. You believe they are real characters. In the film, of course, we cannot get this. The awkward relationship between Bella and her dad, Charlie, the more-a-friend-than-a-mother/daughter relationship between Bella and her mom, the shaky start to Edward and Bella’s love followed by the growing sizzling romance... this is integral to the plot. It is why Bella goes off knowing she is likely to die to meet the tracker vampire James- to protect her mom, why she feels so bad about saying things to hurt Charlie in order to save him and why she loves Edward so much she does not want Edward to be distroyed by James from anger at her death. From what we can tell in the movie- it seems out of the blue. There is no real explanation. I think it is a film made for the fans who can fill in the spaces with their knowledge in the book.

(However having said that, a mate at work went and saw this film never having read the books and loved every minute of the film, saying it was one of the most romantic films she ever saw rating it up there with Brokeback Mountain- which incidentally I hate.)

BUT having said this I did get a kick out of the use of pepper can spray/fiddling with his rifle before meeting Edward as Bella’s “date” as a vehicle to show how protective Charlie really is over his daughter. It was humorous.

I was a little disappointed about the visual display of the vampire’s special abilities like Edward’s mind reading and Alice’s seeing the future. It was always hinted at but it was not used to the best of its ability. It would have inflated the plot and bolstered the relationships between the characters especially when Edward is spying on Bella through her friends’ minds.Now I did love the set.

The forest, the green beauty versus the damp descending dizzle. I liked it a lot. The meadow scene was gorgeous. The conflict within Bella for her love of Phoenix (hot and sunny) to Fork which is basically the American version of the north of Britain is not demonstrated very well. But I can overlook that because of the beauty of the scenery. It appeals to the treehugger in me!!

The stylisation of the movie was great. These perfect creatures are aloof and beautiful. The lighting was tremendous. From watching the behind the scenes section on the DVD I saw how they filmed it and how it was changed. The way it has been changed makes the film. The contrast of light and dark, green and grey. It is a far cry from other vampire movies. I also loved how they included a shot in the film that looked like the book cover (to hands holding out an apple). It was a lovely touch.

I love Jacob- I am looking forward to the natural grace and depth he introduced in this film. It was understated, not over thought.

Edward- I am in love with Rob Pattinson like every other female teenager in the Western world! Not only can he act and is gorgeously beautiful, but he is a musical genius. He added to the sound track- which was immense anyway because it had Muse on it... but Jeez... he is the best thing since- well I was going to say sliced bread- but for me it is the introduction of tea in Britain by Catherine De Braganza in the reign of Charles II. The Soundtrack is truly terrific!! Damn... I definitely need more realistic love expectations...

Overall, an obsession worth having... fab film viewing for two hours and a great gripping read.

St. Martin Dividing His Cloak, by Sir Anthony Van Dyck

I hate this painting. Teriible I know. It is like a masterpiece apparently. But I loathe it. Plus it doesn't help that I have been working in a room with it for the past fews days with it looming over me.

Some of Van Dyck's stuff is amazing. But not this.

THE STORY OF ST. MARTIN:

Saint Martin was born in Hungary during the reign of Emperor Constantine, and spent his early childhood in northern Italy. He was drafted into the Roman Army at 15 and later became a member of the royal cavalry guard. While campaigning in Gaul, this famous legend of Saint Martin and the beggar took place.
One very cold day a beggar approached where Martin was stationed. Martin, wore a large cloak over his armour. None of his comrades took any notice of the beggar, so Martin cut his cloak in two with his sword and gave half of it to the beggar. That night Christ appeared to him in a vision, dressed in the divided cloak, and praised the young soldier for his charity.
Saint Martin was the most popular saint in France during antiquity and the early Middle Ages. It is said that French kings carried his cloak into battle as a spur to victory.

WHY DON'T I LIKE VAN DYCK'S REPRESENTATION?????

In terms of technique I ahve a few issues.... The foot of the beggar in white is mishapen, the toes unusually bulbous and indistinct. It looks overworked, as if it could not be quite captured properly. As it is at eye level it is very noticeable. Also the proportion of the horse to the people, particualrly if you compare it to the woman on the other side. It seems the whole scene is too big for the painting. I think in some ways this can work for the painting. It seems busy and a very active scene.

Now the characterisation of the figues in the painting are unsuitable I think. The agressive nature of the beggar in the forefront trying to grab his half of St. Martin's cloak is violent and I think unnecessary. The way they are dressed shows their desperation and poverty. I do not think that the violent possessive nature of the beggar creates sympathy. The beggar in white has what is supposed to be a supplicating plea of desperation on his face but he appears angry. Martin is no better characterised. His face is a mixture of piety and apathy, veering more towards apathy. He seems aloof and looks like he is doing his duty rather than wanting to commit a charitable act.

The sword precariously looks like it could be used to help divide the cloak or spear the beggar who is far too close to Martin for comfort. The sword looks like it is helping keep the distance between the two main characters. Not very charitable, is it now, Martin? It go either way if we didn't already know the story. Perhaps Van Dyck was counting on everyone to know the story.

Overall... not one of my favourites....

It has been nearly a month...

I have yet again been remiss in my blogging duties. I shall use this time (arguably) wisely in a little bit of a rant.

RANT 1:

Now I love my family hugely. Like really a lot. From talks with pals and things I really don't think I know all that many people who get on as well with their parents as I do. I think we are more friends really now that I am grown up (ish) than parents/daughter, brother/sister. It does remind me in some ways of living back at uni. We only put out the trash when it really gets ridiculous, there will be those who avoid doing the washing up/stacking the dishwasher, the same ones do the cooking, there are those who do their laundry more often, and finally there are those who will not clean at all be it lounge, bathroom, kitchen, or other....

Of course, it raises the same contentious issues as it always has. There are little wrangles about people doing more from time to time, and arguments about the state of a room *not naming names -RJ's bedroom-gross!* I think some of us have to come to an equilibrium. Dad cooks, Mam washes clothes (except mine- my clothes always come back far too small- even so my mam can't get into them!), I will stack dishwasher, do my ironing and washing, occasionally clean the bathroom and lounge as and when the scummy-ness dictates! It is not as gross as it seems... I promise... I am just a bit of a neat freak- although I have far too much clutter to be really tidy all the time, I do have to have everything CLEAN and in the right place. It annoys me when I can't find something.

Anyway there is a point to highlighting the strange housework arrangements... I am feeling a little bit aggravated at the moment with my brother, who is still unemployed but doesn't seem to do any housework unless he is getting paid for it. Now, I pay housekeeping and I do my own washing (which he doesn't) and I still have to participate in household chores without payment. I am just a little bit bitter about it, so I have been on strike for the last few months and have refused to do anything but my own washing.

This week I crumbled. I cleaned the bathroom. I could stand it no longer, especially since I like baths. I am annoyed at myself. Now I know why my Mam and Dad give up trying to make things happen by striking. Like strikes in general.... they rarely pull off the desired results. :(

OK rant 1 over. Love ya Bruv, but sort it out....

RANT 2

Another rant on the reason I haven't blogged in a while. As weird as it sounds, I find blogging a rather personal thing despite broadcasting it on the Internet to a mix of some random strangers and those I know. I used to use my laptop in my room and blog there for privacy and space to think. Since my Mam has changed jobs, her company laptop had to be returned and my laptop has been put in its place in the office. I am not used to sharing my laptop and I do not like it. I usually share well but not my baby, Ethel. Having had two crashes since it has been downstairs in the office, once because someone had "accidentally" downloaded cartoon porn *unimpressed face*, I have been unable to get on it...

my Mam works on it for her private Health and Safety jobs she doe

+

my Bruv is addicted to Facebook, Bebo, Friendz (?), and other Internet activities

+

my Dad is always playing either poker or snooker on it

=

No time for me to get on it

Pants.

Sucks.

:(

I need to learn how to share.

I think that is the only two problems I am having difficulty adapting to. Considering I have been home for ten months these are the only two things I have a problem with, one of which was constantly a problem whilst I was in digs whilst at uni. I guess it is just a case of flexibility and adaptability. I feel better for just getting it out of my system!

Love ya Family really XXXX

De-Fuzzing My Hair Brush and Auschwitz...

What on earth....

Ok, so I was de-fuzzing my hair brush this morning, washing all the crud that hair products leave in between the bristles- it is a time consuming job, plus the enthralling nature of plucking wilting, greying hair that has merged to become blobs of grey matted stuff is a pleasure I could well forgo. In addition it has a very ominous connotation for me.

So... as I was de-fuzzing the hair brush this morning... it reminded me of the stacks, piles and hills of hair in the Auschwitz museum that I visited when I was 18. Now I went round this museum looking at the bits and pieces and of course it was horrible, but the amount of stuff that was around you, you did kind of become sensitised to it. In the end, at about ten o'clock at night when I was on the plane home, a sense of disappointment welled up in me. It didn't move me like I thought it would. Millions of people had died there. That was their stuff. That was their hair that was cut forcibly from their heads. Nope. Not a tear. And I am quite an emotional person, though I have realised over the years it will come into play at the most bizarre and inconvenient time for me. Other times when I could really do with a bit of a cry I stow it up and appear uncaring.

I went home, went to school, began writing the speech to present to the school about "our experience" of Auschwitz. Huff. Well, I was merely jumping through the hoops of what the teachers wanted to hear, what the first years wouldn't think too traumatising and what the older years would think boring.

I was still fine. So come Monday morning I brushed my own hair and went to go and do this stupid little oratory number. There I was standing in front of the school and WHAM! Bloody wonderful timing. Photos were being shown I think, or I remember looking at some photos before I went on to do my bit and I think I was saying my part when my mind went blank. I hated speaking in public then. It was all a blur, all I know was it didn't go very well... I think a traumatised rabbit caught in the headlights with a very annoyed fellow student who had gone on the trip with me, saying "What IS wrong with you!"

I think it had something to do with my brushing my hair in the morning and then seeing the photo being paraded in front- then, just like in the movies, the fast forwarding effect with flashes of memories taken like photographs. A pile of shoes. Knitted baby clothes. Suitcases. Hair brushes. Glasses. Etc.

So on defuzzing my hair brush, like today, it always reminds me of the greying hair that had been lopped off those poor individuals- once brown, blond, red, black- now sits in a museum slowly rotting whilst unfeeling people parade past it with some ignorant dutiful sense of importance.

Another thing that often sparks me to remember a) the horrors of Auschwitz and b) the humiliating spectacle in front of the school is my friend Jenny's porch. They used to have shoes piled either side of the doorway as you walked through their front door. Really creeped me out. There were old shoes from when they were kids stacked just like those in the cabinets in the museum.

I suppose it makes me feel bad when looking at those shoes or de-fuzzing my hair brush that I associate mass slaughter with half an hour of intense humiliation at school. No comparison really is there?

Anyhooo that is all folks. I think I have probably depressed you all enough for the time being :)

Five Updates

1) I have decided not to apply for Newcastle Uni funding thing for studying a MA in the History of Medicine. It is too far away, I have neevr even been there and I think I was doing it for the free scholarship rather than actually wanting to go there/study that, so I think some other deserving fellow can have the spot.

2) I STILL have not accepted Royal holloways unconditional offer :( in a dilemma you see- they have postponed, for some reason, the fundign deadline till 29th june which puts back when we find otu about whether we are funded till it is essentially too late to accept a place there, so essentially we have to accept it with or without knowing our funding application was a success or not. *anger* So in summary, I am still dithering. Should I put it off another year? Do it part time? I havethe money now to pay for one year of a part time Masters course, but the funding will still be an issue next year when I still can't afford to pay for the second half....

3) I PASSED MY THEORY TEST TODAY. Enough said.

4) I have been feeling really rather ill lately but I am getting better- just a little sniffle and a cough now, so I have been proactive today. So apart from passing my Driving theory test, I have hoovered, bought my nan a birthday card, intend to sort out a huge pile of filing (bank statements, pensions information (yes, I have a pension at 21), and toher bits and pieces that have been building up on my desk for quite a while... so yay! Proactivity!!

5) I have learnt how to sell tickets at work, though I am awful and tend to lose in the region of £5-£10, I do make a profit (I think) with gift aid and books so yay! However, cashing up = nightmare :(

Right, thats a summary for you...

BTW, can't believe I missed my Blog's first birthday.... twas at the beginning of March, so Happy Belated Birthday, Blog!

Remiss

Sorry, I have been remiss in my blogging of late.

I have been reasonably busy and the thought has not crossed my mind to blog, though I think i will post something properly soon. I am still alive! Work and overtime has been manic of late, and I could really do with a break away from work and life and clear my head, but that shall have to wait! Back to domestic duties liek washign my work clothes haha!!

hope you are all ok!!

speak soon!