One of three Momentous days in the near future...

Just a quick exclamation of pride, sadness and happiness (if you can imagine such a tone combining all three emotions!)

I handed my last EVER essay in today!! (well, indefinitely, until I a. come into a large windfall of money, and b. have had a break away from studying.)

Not to bore you in the details of the essay or ramblings in my head, but I feel proud because it was a tricky one to deliver- my brain was on strike, and it is for a guy that is by all means a LEGEND in the department, who is sadly retiring this year and our last lecture will be the last he ever gives at Essex. Hopefully my essay won't let him down, as he has goaded us students into performing well by calling us grammar-phobic, anally retentive twits (well in so many words, many of which I daren't repeat here- after all he does teach 'deviance' in society during the libertine culture; one can hardly expect much more!) Still, anyway, back to my main point...

Last essay!! wooo momentous day. yes, but really this comes with a warning...

Due to lack of essays, this blog will become the new form my essays will take *hahahaha* and it will be for fun with no deadlines!! YAY! see excitement?? and you unfortunate fools will, out of either loyalty and dedication or stupidity will have to read it!! mwhahaha

yeah, so be ready!! :P

(P.S. Thanks Mam for all the essay help- the poor lady had to read it!!)

Moving on...

It is a sad time of year for academics: exams, end of the academic year and finally.... the dreaded results. Thankfully the dreaded results are some way off yet, as the exams are only just impending. Perhaps my failure to begin revision (due to numerous coursework deadlines still outstanding I might add!!)I feel particularly apt for reflection, possibly trying to procrastinate on doing my last essay....

It is particularly a weird time of year for me this year as I am currently sprinting down the last strait of my degree. I am feeling only what I can describe as limbo, with no future long term plans than to revise, pass my exams, and then pay off my overdraft. Simple, materialist and rather selfish I guess in terms of the world's problems. But in my world, I feel in a very liminal position, with a place behind me that I can never return to (and in some cases do not really want to) and an abyss before me.

I have never been one to really fear anything. I have been certain in almost all my actions. This is the only time that I have felt really insecure. I have made (as we all do) a lot of daft decisions but I did it with what I know came from my mother, a tenacious stubbornness, which means once I have decided something I will rarely back down. Instead, I know that I will leap right into the fray without (ashamed to say) with out much thought. Now I have been told I am young and have a whole life in front of me... true, true, obviously unless some terrible thing should befall me- very doubtful, I might add, as I know some higher worldly power likes a little bit of a joke and making my decision up for me would be far too easy!! Still, I know, when I make my decision, right or wrong, I will do it with my whole heart, for good or for worse... I just only hope that, like all people standing unsure of what the future holds, eventually we will have to face the rest of the world and the rest of our lives and stop waiting for things to happen to us. So, after this rant, I will finish my last essay, I will study for my last exams, I will pass (because it is what I do- I prefer not fail in anything I set my mind to), I will go on holiday- rest, relax and recollect- then begin afresh with the whole world out there. I will, from now on, vow not to ponder what the future holds. I will make my future. And everything I will do, you know I will do with the same determination that I have done everything with...

Pity those who get in my way :D

Signing off my first ever journal-esque entry...