Sunday 19 July 2009

Book Review: The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova

"To you, perceptive reader, I bequeath my history...."

The blurb on the back of the book really tantalises you to think that this will be a book you just can’t put down. Unfortunately, I was all too aware that I did put it down more than is usual to help peel potatoes (at the supposed crucial climatic moment towards the end) and on reflection, I realised that I started reading it AGES ago and that it never really gripped me, though the concept and the plot were all ripe for my undying attention. As my family will testify, if I have within my hands a book that is really compelling, you will not get anything out of me until the concluding paragraph.

So overall I would say I am disappointed. I feel as if I have been educated on a part of history I didn’t know and that I have been preached to about the role of history and evil, etc in the world, but I have not been won over on this topic (as much as I would like to have been) or on the sometimes preachy tone. I am a historian, or would like to be. This book did not spur me on the course to find out more about Vlad Tepes/Dracula any more than Buffy, Twilight and Anne Rice’s An Interview With A Vampire did. I really am a vampire-fan and total saddo historian- WHY DID THIS BOOK NOT WOW ME????

Kostova combines the search for Dracula based in historical fact with the literary Dracula from Stoker’s Victorian novel. This combination hopes to make the reader feel that Dracula from Stoker’s pages was/is a real living thing because the supernatural is backed by historical documented evidence. This is nicely enveloped with the fact that this version of Dracula has a penchant for librarians, historians and archivists. YAY I say- let me join!!

The story starts with a young woman finds an ancient book in her father’s library, which catapults her into a dark past of bloody tales, secrets and mysteries that at the heart are connected to Vlad the Impaler a.k.a Dracula. The quest that unravels from the finding of this book is centuries old: to find the source of evil (I think) and wipe it out. To do this, the truth about Vlad the Impaler, the medieval ruler whose barbarous reign formed the basis of the legend of Dracula, needs to be uncovered. Three generations of historians (adviser, students (father and mother) and daughter (the narrator)) have and will search for clues all over the places from monasteries to archives in universities and large cities all over the world.

In what almost promises to be a gothic delight with Dracula, old dusty books and historians/librarians running amok I find it a heavy, clunking thriller that unfortunately never really picks up pace and can bore those not already converted to the greatness of knowing and learning about history.

Kostova has a good sense of time and place and knowledge of history moving from Amsterdam, 1970s Oxford, to 1930s Romania, 1950s Cold War Budapest and Bulgaria, France and Philadelphia, US, in the 20th century. Although her sense of these places and time rings true and certainly well researched, at times it fails to follow through into the text. For example an Oxford lecturer in 1930s sounds not so different from the narrator in 1970s. The tone and phrasing of the characters is not that different when it should be. When the difference is noted it is with an uneasy and faltering hand. Helen (principal narrator’s mother Romanian/Bulgarian) speaks with clumsy mistakes highlighted by a correction by another character such as “a blink of sleep” as opposed to “a wink”. It started off as a nice touch but it just became a way of singling Helen out as different when failing to mark all the other characters out as unique.

The Historian, as a novel, is a mixture of genres from gothic, to a thriller, a travelogue, and historical fiction whilst also being an adventure and detective novel. It has all the right elements to make this book unique and gripping. Kostova wanted to write a serious literary piece and it does have a didactic tone shown through the questioning of the role history has in society and how it is represented (something that has interested me for a long time). It is argued during the course of the novel that the knowledge of history is power, especially as it is written in books.... at this point I hark back to George Orwell as his famous quote that ‘the victors write history’ (paraphrased very badly I am sure by me- apologies).

The title of the book “The Historian” is very much that- a title. It displays power and knowledge. It can refer to any of the characters in the book, but most of all Dracula/Vlad. With history comes with it a lot of books (I know this to be true!!) and this novel encompasses a love of books. Each of the characters is drawn to books and the written word. Each character is a scholar. Even Dracula is a bibliophile and a wannabe scholar. Through Dracula we come to see what the price of this love of books and knowledge can be- Power, but obsession too.

There is one quote of this book I would like to insert here, which really alerted me to the underlying didactic purpose of this book:

“It is a fact that we historians are interested in what is partly a reflection of ourselves we would rather not examine except through the medium of scholarship; it is also true that as we steep ourselves in our interests they become more and more a part of us.”

The characters of the book are interested in Dracula and his history because that in some way relates to a part of them. However, it is that medium which separates them JUST from being like Dracula. They look at it through the scholarly mind, but the lure will always be there. At the end, when the narrator returns to a library to research again (reminiscing) that the librarian returns her forgotten notebook and the book with a dragon inside it- like the one she first found. It begs the question whether Dracula lives because there is always someone interested in it, willing to dig around for the occult/supernatural/evil?

So this question leads me on to another theme of the book- the contemplation of the nature of good and evil. The book does make us think what is evil and why does it exist. Dracula’s thoughts on this matter are clear: “History has taught us that the nature of man is evil, sublimely so. Good is never perfectible, but evil is. Why should you not use your great mind in service of what is perfectible?...You will have what every historian wants: history will be reality to you.”

Dracula is the metaphor for evil in this book and it is implied that he has had a hand in what happened in Nazi Germany and supports socialism. Evil comes into many themes like socialism such as religion (Christians versus Muslims). Although neither side is exempt from evil deeds, it is Islam that comes out on top. Muslims, or a secret sect of them, have been trying to fight the evil Dracula, whilst Christianity in the form of monks has tried to help him. In the end Dracula is killed. Or is he? I am not sure, and although the book ends on this wavering question, the readers are just not that convinced. However, it has made me think and write this blog... so who knows?

A review on Amazon states, quite accurately I think, that “this is quietly a good book rather than a spectacular debut” and although I read it, I understood it and it made me think... it just lacks that special quality that will make me pick it up again.

The End of Summer Vacation

For many kiddie-winks and studenty types (of which I was one) their summer holidays are starting. For me mine is ending. Damn British weather with the rain and the clouds and the general urgh weather that brings out the hermit in me and have spent the last week watching DVDs and reading books as opposed to going to zoo *merecats and elephants* and Brighton *one rocking night out with the local LGBT delegates* EPIC FAIL.

I feel I have wasted a week but then I haven't had a proper do nothing holiday since... well Christmas (4 days off) and before then the few weeks just after I finished uni last year. Sigh... it harks back to the days of reading copious amiunts of books catching up on tv series I lost out whilst revising...

Still I am back at work tomorrow with the inevitable touristy rush post-school break-up ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH Two weeks of nothing then thrown into the pit of hell for the next two months and I mean BUSY! However, there are many social activities planned over the next few weeks which will surely make me regret writing this blog over my inactivity- I will long for the days of inactivity and lethargy!!

On a plus note- I am wondering whether I want to be come a teacher to enjoy these holidays once more.... but then I hear that you never really get those six weeks off. You are just doing paperwork.... hmmmm...

Anyway that is quite enough ranting from moi!

Saturday 18 July 2009

DESPERATION AT MY SLOVENLY STATE

Again I say it... I sooooo NEED to go on a diet. I am not obese but hell I have put on weight the two, and I repeat the TWO weeks I have been on holiday and not doing anything. I have also resolved to go to Halfords and out new tyres on my bike to cycle round Black Park once a week and also to swim once a week after work. I have also promised myself to get my "Tap Board" out from under the bed and start practising. I am woefully unpractised and haven't done "wings" in.... pfft how long?

It is funny how two weeks off and staying at home makes me feel guilty and I actually do less than if I was abroad... Next holiday- I don't care how cheap or dreadful it is I am going somewhere...

Thursday 16 July 2009

Movie Blog: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

So, I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince last night with my brother, affectionately known as BFG (Big Friendly Giant). He is my Hagrid of the muggle world. We went out for a few bevvies, an all you can eat Chinese to placate the boy's growing hunger so he could concentrate in the film (and also as a kind of bribe for him having to sit next to me throughout it as I squeal and cover my eyes ten minutes before 'it' happens because I already know what is going to happen.)

Now, I had heard mixed reviews about this film, and many say it misses too much out, the plot is not as exciting, it just feels like a lead up to the last films etc etc blah de blah. As my Mam pointed out to me last night, Harry Potter has been a part of my life for ten years now and I have been more than obsessed by it in my earlier years. It got me through some difficult times and therefore I think I should be the harshest critic of the films. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for me is the best film yet. Each HP film gets better and better than the last. The stunts, special effects and CGI was terrific, incomparable to any other film preceding this. Yes, things are missed out but it is a FILM. It is impossible to have everything in. What I look at in book/film ratios is does it capture the atmosphere, does it capture the book overall and does it have the integral plot structures in place?

The answer (in the Half Blood Prince) is yes.


RELATIONSHIPS:
Dumbledore and Harry's relationship is nailed to perfection. I love the touches that the screenwriter put in (Steve Kloves). Dumbledore's memories are used and captured wonderfully, although there are some that are excluded. Understandable I suppose, but it would have been nice to have seen them. However, the film manages to progress along without them (but I do wonder how the next film will progress without them being included in this film... those memories help Harry, Ron and Hermione find the rest of the Horcruxes- hello? The House of Gaunt? Why the ring was chosen by Voldemort to be a Horcrux?)

As Dumbledore acknowledges that Harry has grown up, so do we the audience realise that they have all grown up in front of our very eyes on the big screen. I have grown up with them. It actually transcended the cinema/audience perspective and made it all the more real.

It is the relationships that really flourish in this film and really makes this film great. We see the trio (Harry, Ron and Hermione) go through some tough challenges (namely hormones and a lot of snogging) and then get closer together. Harry and Hermione have a nice purely friendship relationship and you can really believe they are just friends (although Albus questions this- I loved that bit!!). The scene when they talk about love being semi-unrequited and seeing your "love" as it were snogging someone else and the hurt... really nice touch- and I know how you feel guys!!

I saw an interview with J K Rowling about the third film way back when and she said that she had wished she had come up with some of the ideas that the screenwriter had- namely in the Prisoner of Azkaban the talking heads. I think JK would have loved the touches that were brought to life from her book. The subtleties of the book are hard to bring to life on film. The Hermione-Ron-Lavender love triangle was funny, touching and very realistic.

Harry and Ginny- well, I did have a little squirm in the cinema when they kissed. It was a bit too lovey dovey but then I am a cynic!! BUT FINALLY GINNY GETS HER MAN!! The scene where Ron first gets with Lavender was what was supposed to have happened between Ginny and Harry but there you go...


COMIC GENIUS: Now, the comedy factor must not be ignored. It was actually belly-achingly funny! Ron/Rupert Grint was the comic masterpiece in this to Draco's emotional turmoil. The contrast between the two ensured that we do get the idea that a dark threat is ever present but the comedy really does lighten up the situation verging at times to making the film seem like a great Rom-Com.
From Ron's tryouts for the Gryffindor Quidditch team to Ron swallowing the love potion and everything that entailed was used to its full potential. The entire cinema was laughing, chuckling and at times roaring with genuinely good fun comedy.

CONTRAST BETWEEN DARK AND LIGHT: As I have already mentioned the contrast to this is Draco and the dark cloud of evil always presence. The clever way the film flicked between darkness and light was really effective. Draco the poor lad (and yes you really do feel sorry for him) is falling apart in this film. Bellatrix is deliciously evil and Fenrir Greyback was truly terrifying but I think underused- I look forward to him in the next two films being used more. Small touches like the Death Eaters testing the boundaries of Hogwarts as they try to get in shows that the school is very much under threat. Larger touches such as the Weasley's house being burnt down (not in the book!!!) does show how easy the Death Eaters nearly got to Potter and how they can punish the "blood traitors" if they so wish. It was shocking but it did serve its purpose. However, what is going to happen in the next book when Fleur and Bill get married huh?? I am sure the film writers have it all worked out... well they better had!!

Just a few more points before I round off.

I loved the Vanishing Cabinets. Great design.
I loved Professor Slughorn- not quite as described in the book, but Jim Broadbent was marvellous- the complete epitome of an eccentric, academic English professor. He was charming, crazy, amusing and pathetic all at once.

The Snape-Dumbledore relationship- perfect! I shall not reveal anymore on that one though... I do not want to be a spoiler!! OH SOD IT!! You could see the conflict in Snape's face as he killed Dumbledore. It was perfect. He so didn't want to kill him, and the audience getting a peep of Snape struggling against what Dumbledore has asked him is effective- we get to know Snape on a deeper level and at the same time are still mystified about who he really is.

The ending did annoy me a bit though. I think Harry should have been made not to be able to help Dumbledore- I was angry for him for not acting, but then he did as Dumbledore said- trusted him and followed his orders to the word, but I think if he was able to he would have tried to stop Snape. AND WHERE THE HELL WAS THE FUNERAL? WHAT ARE THEY DOING HAVING THAT WAND IN DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE??? HUH??? WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO IN THE NEXT FILM???

I also wished that the film makers could have explained briefly why Snape was the half blood Prince- I had to explain it to my brother (whoops if I spoilt it for you- sorry guys :S) It was a good ending after Dumbledore had died- Snape stopping Bellatrix from hurting Harry yet the venom he still feels towards Harry because he is James Potter's son. I also liked Ginny comforting Harry whilst kneeling at Dumbledore's body and all the students and teachers light their wands and raise them to the sky to dispel the Dark Mark. That was a really great idea. And it is here that I admit I shed a tear. (But where was the funeral??)


So what next? I think I will see it again and blog about the things I may have missed the first time round. The set from Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes shop to Borgin and Burke's shop, from Slughorn's house to Snape's house, the details of each set were as close to the book as humanly possible and at points the world of Harry Potter came to life.

Out of ten? I give this film ten :)

But then I would, wouldn't I?

TWITTER

Oh yes, or more accurately I say oh NO! I have gone and done it.... I have joined Twitter *sighes*

What have I done? *she wails!*

Wednesday 15 July 2009

Epic Fail/Win


EPIC FAIL 1: Okay, maybe not quite that epic but still... I still haven't started James Joyce AGAIN. It didn't fit in my bag on the way to Hatty's so it stayed behind. However "The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostova did fit in my bag. It is about history, vampires and books. What more can I say? A complete perfect book for me!!

I will do a little blog about it when I have finished methinks...

EPIC FAIL 2: driving post-driving test with the rentals = ARGH never again! It was like my first ever driving lesson all over again but without running over the wee child. However, on transporting myself to dance on Monday evening by MYSELF I was fine. I also have a list of errands to do today and I going to take my car out and give it a spin to do these errands.... however it does involve parking- ouch! I still haven't achieved parking within the lines as of yet. On the plus driving side, I have managed to reverse into our drive and avoid hitting the wall, fence and the other three cars on the drive so YAY!!

EPIC WIN 1: was my time well spent in Cambridge!! We had an excellent night out in which we managed to blag ourselves in free!! Vodka Revolutions whoop whoop! Had a bit of a boogie, I deftly dealt with some 30-something male pervs with a tact and polite approach of course and cheesy chips on the way home plus hare girly chats= epic win.
I punted... though I did end up finding myself doing it better whilst going "backwards". Personally I think they have been doing it wrong for years and that the right way was my way :P Then I did get stuck in a tree and the punt-stick-thing also got stuck in the tree and I was clinging to the boat-thing with my toes whilst trying to extract myself from the said tree. Hatty kept paddling forwards so the boat was very close to leaving me in the tree!! After untangling myself to the avid amusement of other (and more proficient) punters, we crashed into the bank and got stuck there. *EPiC FAiL* However it was the best fun I have had in ages! It was fun being a tourist. I have become so cynical whilst working at Windsor.

EPIC WIN 2: Bowling! I went bowling with my brother and rents for the first time in two years I think we worked it out as! It was great fun!! I hit like two strikes and a million squillion spares and won the first game!!! YAY!! I was really impressed though my mobile wouldn't take a photo so I could commemorate this victorious win! My dad was gutted as he is the usual big winner with a hundred strikes!! I nearly came last in out second game though. I still maintain the pint of beer in the interval was my downfall. I did manage coming second in the end because the boys cam joint first and I managed to his a couple of spares at the end to overtake Mam. Mama was not too amused. We had a real good time, and were a little naughty and had a Big Mac- it is the best Mac I have had in years- it was freshly made and MAN! could you tell!! We then had a game of pool in which the boys valiantly teamed up with one girl apiece. I potted the black ball extraordinarily well and won the game, but really me and mam were really BAD! haha... mam did miss the ball in fact of one occasion and I cheated so... good day all in all!

TODAY- I have a feeling will be an EPIC WIN. I AM GOING TO SEE THE NEW HARRY POTTER FILM!!!! YAY! THE WAIT IS OVER. I AM GENUINELY VERY EXCITED AND WILL OF COURSE BLOG THE NECESSARY DETAILS DOWN WHEN I GET BACK. Rob (brother) has kindly agreed to see it with me (but secretly he has been watching all the bits and pieces on TV before I have and he is already trying to guess who the half-blood prince is). We are also going for all you can eat Chinese before too so this is going to be great!!

Thursday 9 July 2009

Movie Blog: Public Enemies


Public Enemies, July 2009
Starring: Johnny Depp, and Christian Bale
Directed by Michael Mann


Rather like my *failed* book review section of this blog, I shall try and do this *with more success* for films.

I saw Public Enemies yesterday with my mate Colette. It was bloody, it was well filmed, it was amazingly cast and ergo it equals one huge success. Mind you anything with Johnny Depp in I am a complete sucker for!! Whether it be Jack Sparrow in Pirates to Ichabod Crane in Sleepy Hollow, from Sweeney Todd to John Wilmot in The Libertine... Johnny Depp never fails to deliver. This is blockbuster stuff at its best. Romance, violence, a bit of a thrill and a bit of drama et voila! One ace film!

Hands up- I did groan at some of the bloodier scenes where blood splatters and especially the part were a bullet went through Dillenger/Johnny Depp's face. ARGH!
I laughed and I very almost cried at the end... *I shan't tell you anymore... though everyone pretty much knows what happens!*

SYNOPSIS: Based on a true story in Depression-era America, bank robber John Dillinger (Depp), whose armed robberies of banks made him the number one target of J. Edgar Hoovers new FBI whilst simultaneously proving himself popular with the masses as he flouted the banks that had caused the depression. The FBI's top agent, Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) has been assigned Dillinger. It is now his job to stop Dillenger. Purvis is outmaneuvered. From jailbreaks to bank robberies that looked doomed to fail Dillenger won over the public sympathy.

I loved the fact that they had the film Manhattan Melodrama with Clark Gable in at the end was a particularly sweet touch since it is SO ironic that Dillinger died on exiting the movie theatre after watching a gangster film. The other part I liked where he was in the movie theatre again and the commercials roll; the public there are asked to look to their left and right to see if "Public Enemy Number One" is sitting next to them. He is and no one spots him. That devilish grin says it all!

I am a fan of the 1930s and seriously love the music, risque-ness, the clothes, the attitude... This film completely captures the time and the crime. Blood thirsty, violent and completely compelling this film is definitely worth paying the cinema fees to see!!

Here... I couldn't for some reason add this photo to the prvious post...


Paramore....

Decode, by Paramore


How can I decide what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
Can't win your losing fight all the time
Not gonna ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
You won't take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time

How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know how

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And its hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out on my own
(I'm screaming "I love you so...")
On my own
(But my thoughts you can't decode)

How did we get here?
Well, I use to know you so well
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know how

Do you see what we've done?
We're gonna make such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we've done?
We're gonna make such fools of ourselves

How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
Yeah, yeah
How did we get here?
Well, I use to know you so well

I think I know
I think I know
There is something that I see in you
It might kill me I want it to be true

http://tr.youtube.com/watch?v=CxUwJE9MPcA&feature=PlayList&p=893104FAD0116232&index=6


 

The lyrics are just poignant at the moment. This Indie-Rock, Angst-Love band have it going on. I first became acquainted with this band through my falling in love with Edward Cullen from "Twilight" movie. The soundtrack is amazing and of course has nothing to do with the fact that Muse and their "Supermassive Black Hole" is on the movie soundtrack either J Check it out on youtube if ya like... great catchy instrumentals and great lyrics accompanied by a unique voice *can you believe she is only like 18??*

Pre-Raphaelite



I am having a bit of a Pre-Raphaelite lurve at the moment. I bought a book of poetry and Dante Gabrielle Rossetti's poems featured in this book. He intrigued me. I love Christina Rossetti's poems and on realising that Dante was her brother and he was an artist got me sidelined into Pre-Raphaelite art.


There was a slo a really goodprogramme about this period of Art History on BCC4 that really grabbed my interest. I liek the airy-fairy, mystic naturalist concepts of the art.


The Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood's early doctrines were expressed in four declarations:
1) To have genuine ideas to express;
2) To study Nature attentively, so as to know how to express them;
3) To sympathise with what is direct and serious and heartfelt in previous art, to the exclusion of what is conventional and self-parodying and learned by rote;
4) And, most indispensable of all, to produce thoroughly good pictures and statues.



I dabbled yesterday painting. By no means am I ever, I repeat EVER, going to be an artist or any great shakes at trying to reproduce an image I see, but I find it theraputic. My first problem was though that I didn't know what to paint. I had no "genuine ideas to express" (number 1). I can see why this idea is a foundation to their Brotherhood. A lot of paintings sometimes have no apparent idea behind them except that the artist could do it. (Argubly that is an idea- proving/showing they can... but still...)

At the top of this blog is Dante Rossetti's Venus Verticordia (1867). He liked the idea of the femme fatale and quite frankly I do too... this is one of his best (in my opinion). Alluring yet dangerous! ROARRRR! lolz

I prefer it in the chalk than the full bodied, all out painting.

More on Pre-Raphs coming up :)

Holiday Objectives


Well, I can tick one of my holiday objectives ticked off- Passing my driving test :) yay!!


Here are some of the other objectives of my Staycation:


1) Holiday destination for later on in the year. I want to go somewhere... it is currently a toss up between Rome or New York... rock on the city breaks!


2) Read James Joyce Ulysses. It has been sitting staring at me since Christmas and I haven't managed to start it yet. My trip to Cambridge tomorrow should hopefully be able to set me off reading it... two and a half hours by train... I thought driving (M25ness-argh!!) was a tad before my time!!


3) Learn how to park. Apparently passing your test does not automatically instill within you an ability to park in a multi storey carpark.


4) Blog regularly- yay! I am trying my hardest on this one!!


5) Buy camping gear for V Festival- I am soooo ridiculously excited about V Festival. I bought two foldable chairs today... just need a tent... there is a great deal at Halfords of all places so I am gonna head over there... YES, IN MY CAR to purchase it on Sunday.


6) Go to garage and get a new radio fitted free of charge. Alas mine has died in my car :( And I had tapes and everything made up for it.


7) Make tapes for car... any good driving songs? I have my obligatory Muse requirement, Guns and Roses' Sweet Child of Mine, a bit of Oasis, Razorlight, The Killers, Dolly Parton and Dusty Springfield, combined with some classical stuff... Debussey, Beethoven and Tchaikovsky.


8)I forgot to actually insert this one... I am visiting Hatty tomorrow in Cambridge!! WHOOP WHOOP!! There is punting involved and a bit of partying and more touristy stuff :D


9) Visit grandparents in Devon :)


10) Start researching venues and hotels and things in Birmingham for a Boland/Workman Cousins Reunion *hopefully before Christmas* yay!! Wowza!!


That is all for now... updates on all the following are sure to follow!!

GIRLS HOLIDAY SAGA CONTINUES ONE YEAR ON


What is it about girls that makes them so catty? (by the way- I love 1950s posters/jokes like this... I have a whole set of coasters ripping men to shreds... It is the insane smile that gets me!!)

I am a girl and I know I do it, but thankfully a lot of tomboy tendencies slash unashamedly 'My Mam' qualities, i.e. speaking your mind come forth more often than the catty side of bitching, talking about people behind their backs, falseness, making snide remarks or remarks so thinly veiled sometimes you wish they would just speak their mind and get it off their chest rather than harbour resentment.

Of course, then there is the argument that if you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all. This is my approach at the moment. When it is inappropriate to say what you think, say nothing. Full blown argument or walk away and draw a line underneath it. That's the two options. Fair and easy.

I went on an 'All Girls' holiday last year and the bitching was catastrophic. It ruined friendships never to be resolved and the harbouring resentment between fractions is still very prominent. I was in the middle, and really, I am quite naive and had no idea what it was all about. I still don't if I was honest. I just wanted a good time. I wanted a holiday, fun, and general letting down of hair after one heavy year of essays, deadlines and exams.

Unfortunately, I do not talk to one of the girls anymore, which is a real shame and I am sorry that we did not stay in touch. Another we keep in good Facebook contact. It remains that the two divided sides remain. I have been sitting on the fence. Sitting in the middle hurts. For one, you do get an unbelievable wedgie.

On the one side, the 'catty situation' was always avoided, but present in every conversation, meeting and night out. An overhanging cloud that invaded and almost ruined my 21st birthday. The other side- well, they have let it go. It has been discussed, marvelled over and resulted in a "Well, what can we do about it? Well, nothing really, so let's move on" conclusion.

I do love my girls a lot.

But I want friends who get along with everyone. I want friends who are honest and who I know I can trust. I want friends who will tell me I look like shit when I have bags under my eyes, will not be jealous when something goes right for me, someone who, if I say, I really need to do this they will support me one hundred and ten percent. AND I am so lucky to have two great girls, or perhaps ladies I should say, for that. It is not a chore to stay in touch and we have a wicked time.

I love my other friend to bits and we have had amazing times over the years. Maybe there will be again. We have been through a few rough patches and come out of it on the other side. We will again no doubt, probably when we have all matured some more and let the past go. There is nothing more that we can can do to change it. As a historian I know. Studying the past is one thing, but there comes a time when we have to let it go or it will swallow you up, especially if it is tangled up with any of the following: resentment, anger, vengeance, grief, love and pain.

So I end this with a hope for renewed friendships and the lasting of others.

Wednesday 8 July 2009

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST TODAY


TODAY AT FIVE MINUTES PAST TWELVE (GIVE OR TAKE) I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST OFFICIALLY :D YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!


Yeah, so as you can see I am pretty chuffed about this. Until an actual photo of my car can be downloaded on to my laptop please see a likeness of Beryl, my automobile for general useage as of today... but she has 'P' plates on and a duck sitting up front! heehee....


Renault Clio, 12years old, red (a far nicer deeper red than the one showed above! More like this colour of text...) and she is lovingly named Beryl... my lil auld ladies' auto :) Gawd I am in love... first drive out by myself tomorrow *squeals* I couldn't quite face up with it today- I was all shakes, squeals and shivers = not driving compatible nature :)


Love, Heart, Hug driving ability!!

Tuesday 7 July 2009

BLOGS TO COME....

Beryl, The Renault Clio

Holiday Objectives

I wanna travel places... Italy has to be on the agenda!!

err.... that's about it but I am sure there was more.... Keep your eyes peeled guys and gals!

Signing off for the night! XX

RONI'S 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY!

24th June 2009, RJ, Mam and Dad sitting outside in the fine weather! Silly Bobert getting in the way of a nice shot! Grrr....
Conversing on serious matters...

"I am dead chuffed with this!"


And Billy is triumphant on Singstar!

We are so NOT understanding the rules of Singstar! Poor Sausage Richard

Chuckles... Me, RJ and Dad

Nice photo if I do say so myself!!



24th, after the vast amounts of alcohol :)

Cousin Simon^
Sausage Richard, Robbie the BFG and Lyn ^

Mum advocating Health and Saftey to the masses and cutting her pink hard hat birthday cake!

Puffing out the one and only candle... 50 proved to be too much of a fire hazard
A sample of booze :)

WHAT HAVE I BEEN UP TO? WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN BLOGGING? Well now. There is a story for you. Not a lot I guess it would seem to me looking back on the past month but there had been many a sleepless night and anxious moment spent worrying about my Mam's 50th Birthday party. AND I mean really worry about it. Trying to rally the troops and then organise and clean with my brother more anxious to reach the top score on his play station, my mam flower arranging and my dad hosing down the patio. The fact that food needed to be done and the kitchen and bathrooms cleaned... sigh. It got done and we had a really wicked night- it was worth the effort, although sometimes I wish my friends that I had invited would integrate more with other people.
Anyway, my mam had a wicked time she assures me and it certainly did seem so. I really loved hanging out with my cousins. We are a cool bunch actually. We can't help it :P It was a genuinely fab birthday. Far better than mine, but then it was mine and I hate birthday parties!!

There was people my Mam used to work with- and ergo me too. Robin was there- this kindly bespectacled man with a love of history and a very dry wit. Some others who were really weird- well okay, their wives were really WEIRD. OK, correction.... one was really weird. Actually looked as if she had walked out of Grimm's Fairy tales as a witch. I am being catty but she let me real off a list of drinks of water before declaring that she only wanted water. I don't mind people not drinking as long as they don't stop the fun! She stopped the fun.

Louise and her girls were great. Annabelle is a little prima-doner but my dancing background has given me enough experience to deal deftly with the prima-doner tantrum that soon follows. Kimberley was ace- loves Cheeselets and Mamma Mia, but she too can be given over to fits of tears. She didn't want to leave was the long and short of it. She was my little stooge for the night. Bless her. I need to send Kimberley's hairband back actually...

Ron, our next door neighbour, from which we suffer RDT a lot from *Ron Down Time* It is the time we spend talking to Ron- we seriously love this guy to bits! He is seventy odd, loves his football and gardening and lives by himself in a five bedroom house- absolute legend! He had to meander his way out of our house via bumping into every chair and table and surface to the exit of our house. He emerged from his house at half 12(?) bleary eyed and groggy to feed his fish that he usually feeds at 9am prompt each and every day. We know this because we were out suffering in the garden longing on reclining chairs.
Simon and his wife Lyn (my cousins) came from Bolton- what a sound lot!! You couldn't ask for better dudes (and dudette!) Lovely lovely lovely!! Mary, Bill and Dave came too (hi Dave!)- how wicked of it was for you turn up! I hope you had a great time and weren't too hung over!! It really made my Mam's birthday to have you guys all around her and having so much fun.

My cousin Mary and I fell asleep after an absolutely hair-splitting round of Karaoke on my brother's PlayStation 3 "Sing star" at about 3am. My brother RJ and cousin Si had to try and drag me up to bed off the sofa whilst I was firmly declaring that I didn't know either of them. It explains me waking up with a dry mouth and in full party attire at half eight the next morning with my contact lenses still in. CLASSY LASSY!!

There was booze, oh so much booze, music, dancing, singing... oh God! The singing... I was so drunk that when singing the wrong words and it was pointed out to me- I realised that I couldn't see the words on the screen and as aforementioned I DID have my contact lenses in, so I was just too drunk to be able to read the words. The singing was beyond out of tune!! The poor neighbours!!

I really really hope my Mam did have as good a time as I did!! And of course the people that came! I shall sign off from telling anymore stories!! Fab night! Awesome! haha!!

Michael Jackson


I am harbouring no delusions that I will be the first or last person to blog about Michael Jackson and what he meant to them personally, but since I haven't blogged in over a month I think it is an apt time as any to re-emerge myself in the blogging world.

I remember the first time I was given my own tape player. It was this chunky black box thing with two cassette players in it. It was bought so I could practice my dance lessons to. My first tape my dad gave me (no doubt from hearing far too much 'bar' work ballet music) was Michael Jackson and Thriller. I loved it. (He gave me another tape soon after having been sick of hearing Thriller on repeat for the last week over AND over again!! The other tape was Bruce Springsteen- one of my Daddy's favourites- Tunnel of Love.)

The death of Michael Jackson didn't hit me hard when I heard about it. I was fairly apathetic. I was apathetic towards the media explosion. However, on seeing his songs performed tonight by some people like me, too young to really have known him in the beginning, who just listened to his music and HEARD.

His memorial tonight was beautiful. Overdramatic in parts, but I just associate that with Americanism and their ability to tap into their emotions (and simultaneously their tear ducts) with such apparent ease. I guess it is here, in England, the stiff upper lip comes into play, but even then I should probably admit I did shed a few tears to the man he was and the man he could have been.

The highlight for me was the young lad off Britain's Got Talent singing a MJ song that has propelled him into hitherto unknown stratospheres of celebrity-ism (as I call it) and, of course, Stevie Wonder- my absolute singing highlight. Queen Latifah was my personal talking tribute highlight. Maya Angelou's poem was fabulous. *I love that lady!!* I related to Queen Latifah as the distanced admirer of MJ's stuff.

Well Michael Jackson, Rest in Peace. You deserve it. Let your music reign.