So what is new in 2019?! Well, quite a lot as you can imagine has changed over the course of the last 6 years. I found someone who loves me and all my quirks complete with weirdness, baggage, clumsiness and severe self-doubt. I then broke up with him. I started my library Masters (still ongoing). Then I got back together with this Chap. I have changed jobs four times including most recently a promotion to head of academic liaison. Unexpected to say the least. In fact I am not sure what is more unexpected: my discovering love or my promotion to line managing a team of professional librarians. Anyhow. I digress. I moved into my own flat, then moved back home again (living solo near a train line 20 mins from London is expensive!!) I then moved in with this chap (P we shall name him) and we have now had a beautiful baby boy who is the light of our life (I shall henceforth call the apple of our eye, A). So in 6 years quite a lot can change.
I laughed at my last post, but also still feel that what I wrote then was true. I loved my singleness, but that is not to say that I do not love being with P, my co-habitation and co-parenting. Both states of being (singledom/coupledom) are completely perfect if you are in the right place and mind frame to enjoy them.
So, what has brought me back to blogging you may well ask... In fact it is motherhood and maternity leave. I feel as if I need a useful direction for my thoughts and a way to employ my mind (I mean I could use this energy to finish my Master's dissertation, but hey you know, 10 weeks postpartum, the only thing I feel up to writing about is A and my "transition" into motherhood.)
Now this word. "Transition". I have used this word with heavy irony. It is a total understatement of the actual process of becoming a mother. And I am not just talking about the birth, which in itself is quite a thing. You know what? I fully appreciate why it is called Labour. I also bow lowly to all the women that have born children. I can see why there is rather a "club" feel about it all. The pain in itself was unlike anything I have felt, but weirdly 10 weeks on it already feels like a distant memory. And I have A. Who really is. Quite simply. The light of P & I's life. And his Grandparents. And Uncles. And in the ever expanding A Fan Club. It is quite extensive. I mean I am biased, but this kid is seriously cute. He makes menopausal women consider having a baby. Enough said?
Still this "Transition" is something that just keeps rolling. It is not just a single event, like switching trains. And cliche alert (and I am using this with deliberate, sarky and cheesy emphasis): it is a JOURNEY. (See? I told you. Cliche/cheese alert.) Also that Initial Transition part? You feel like you have been hit by a bus. Repeatedly. Then told to get up, feed your baby and continue without any sleep. without context, one would think that is torture. I was ill-equipped to deal with the first few days post birth. I literally felt the most exhausted. I had swollen everything (9 months of pregnancy and not one swollen anything. One birth, I have cankles and no definition from the end of my fingers to the shoulder. Anyway. Enough about transition. I feel as though now I have got the parenting idea: you will never know all about keeping a child alive/happy. You just have to wing it and do the best you can. Take all the advice you get (which is absolute barrel loads!) with a pinch of salt. Trial and error is your friend. And believe me you'll know by the howling cries whether it failed. It is fun and do you know what? Getting that smile back when you've nailed it, is priceless.
So, hello 2019. Hello a changed, but still-me Me. And here is to the start of *hopefully* more blogging... about A, about motherhood, about my Masters (if anything ever happens there), my random thoughts etc...
On a side note: readership.I am seriously expecting this not to be read. Ever. More like an online journal with the view that maybe one day A will read it and laugh at his daft mother, or what is more likely: it just provides a sound board for my thoughts. To put them out into the ether. If you are reading this, what an unexpected delight. Thank you. Apologies for the typos and swearing in advance.
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