It is a sad time of year for academics: exams, end of the academic year and finally.... the dreaded results. Thankfully the dreaded results are some way off yet, as the exams are only just impending. Perhaps my failure to begin revision (due to numerous coursework deadlines still outstanding I might add!!)I feel particularly apt for reflection, possibly trying to procrastinate on doing my last essay....
It is particularly a weird time of year for me this year as I am currently sprinting down the last strait of my degree. I am feeling only what I can describe as limbo, with no future long term plans than to revise, pass my exams, and then pay off my overdraft. Simple, materialist and rather selfish I guess in terms of the world's problems. But in my world, I feel in a very liminal position, with a place behind me that I can never return to (and in some cases do not really want to) and an abyss before me.
I have never been one to really fear anything. I have been certain in almost all my actions. This is the only time that I have felt really insecure. I have made (as we all do) a lot of daft decisions but I did it with what I know came from my mother, a tenacious stubbornness, which means once I have decided something I will rarely back down. Instead, I know that I will leap right into the fray without (ashamed to say) with out much thought. Now I have been told I am young and have a whole life in front of me... true, true, obviously unless some terrible thing should befall me- very doubtful, I might add, as I know some higher worldly power likes a little bit of a joke and making my decision up for me would be far too easy!! Still, I know, when I make my decision, right or wrong, I will do it with my whole heart, for good or for worse... I just only hope that, like all people standing unsure of what the future holds, eventually we will have to face the rest of the world and the rest of our lives and stop waiting for things to happen to us. So, after this rant, I will finish my last essay, I will study for my last exams, I will pass (because it is what I do- I prefer not fail in anything I set my mind to), I will go on holiday- rest, relax and recollect- then begin afresh with the whole world out there. I will, from now on, vow not to ponder what the future holds. I will make my future. And everything I will do, you know I will do with the same determination that I have done everything with...
Pity those who get in my way :D
Signing off my first ever journal-esque entry...
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Blessed are the forgetful, which I am, so here is my blog to note down the various ponderings, rants and curiosities that strike me.
About Me
- The Not-so-Spotless Mind
- Newbie mummy, a fully-fledged ardent librarian, still a keen ex-history student and part time renegade feminist. I have many titles, but these are the most pertinent :)
3 comments:
this is a really great post, very eloquent :)
x x x
OK Spotless, you're not going to solve the world's problems this year. Save them for next year. When I was in your position, in my last year at university I was about to volunteer to fight for Israel in the 6 Day War till someone said I had exams next week. So I though I'd wait a bit to see how my exams turned out and then volunteer. Of course the war had finished by then. I wish too I hadn't had five pints the night before my penultimate exam - I would have acquitted myself better - lesson for you there! No there's only one thing for it. That's to finish your exams now, get the best degree you can. Don't worry about what comes afterwards. Keep your eye on the exams. The world will still be there when you've finished. Then the rest of us can watch out!
I'm still not decided, by the way, what I want to be when I grow up.
A lovely post!
Best wishes.
Jen and OF, thank u!
Aha!Consider my lesson learnt well- no beer before an exam and then I will conquer, of course in a very nice manner, the rest of the world!
Thanks both! :D
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