A Fan or Foe?: Emily Dickinson on Marriage

Old Fogey and I had a bit of a debate about Emily Dickinson a while back about her attitude to marriage (see here). Her feelings towards marriage vary from poem to poem offering a controversial and a confusing narrative, which means it is difficult for the reader to get a definitive answer on whether she was a fan or a foe of marriage. Dickinson's "I'm 'Wife'" poem, which sparked the debate has already been discussed, so check out the OF's blog on it! Needless to say it seems this poem portrays Emily as unfavorable to the idea of marriage, that it confines women to a title, but she also intimates that after girlhood, what else is there for a woman but marriage? OF believes behind this bitterness there is an element of accommodation, that she would not have minded being married

Now, to further Emily Dickinson's confusing narrative further on the state of marriage I will look at a few of her other poem...

So to commence: -

Wild nights! Wild nights!
Were I with thee,
Wild nights should be
Our luxury!

Futile the winds
To a heart in port,
Done with the compass,
Done with the chart.

Rowing in Eden!
Ah! the sea!
Might I but moor
To-night in thee!

This I think has more to do with love, passion and sex rather than marriage, despite it rarely being distinguished separately in Emily's era from marriage. For a woman to describe these sentiments is not unique but definitely rebellious!

This poem, an extended metaphor of sex, is relatively easy to get to grips with. "Might I but moor//To-night in thee!" cannot be mistaken for anything that talking about carnal knowledge. Still, I think the shortness of it shows passion, and of course it is Dickinson's passion. The short outburst of longing for it shows a regret of a sort. Dickinson's 'feminist' stance, so often against marriage, here shows that she is not against men or about the 'luxury' of love. In fact she is rather for love, shown by her mimicking Keats and the themes of Romanticism in "I died for Beauty-but was scarce".

I think for Dickinson marriage was not desirable, but the idea of love she seems to regret more than anything in her poetry.

In her poem "How many times have these low feet staggered-" the image of the "Indolent Housewife" dying in a state of drudgery does not show the role of women as housewives positively and in turn sneers at marriage for confinign women to this role.

How many times have these low feet staggered-

Only the soldered mouth can tell-

Try- can you stir the awful rivet-

Try- can you lift the hasps of steel!

Stroke the cool forehead- hot so often-

Lift- if you care- the listless hair-

Handle the adamantine fingers

Never a thimble- more- shall wear-

Buzz the dull flies- on the chamber window-

Brave- shins the sun through the freckled pane-

Fearless- the cobweb swings from the ceiling-

Indolent Housewife- in Daisies- lain!

I love the imagery of this poem- the typical imagery of sewing to define a domestic setting and housewifery: "Never a thimble-more-shall wear-". The creepiest image Dickinson uses throughout her poetry is the fly (or flies) in this case. They seem to represent death (see "I heard a fly buzz- when I died"). Here they also help to show the house as falling in disrepair after the death of the housewife- the flies at the window, the window dirty or "freckled" and the cobwebs boldly dangling from the ceiling. It almost shows the limits of her work but also that the man won't or can't do the work she did.

He put the Belt around my life-

I heard the Buckle snap-

And turned away, imperial,

My Lifetime folding up-

Deliberate, as a Duke would do

A Kingdom's Title Deed-

Henceforth, a Dedicated sort-

A Member of the Cloud.

Yet not too far to come at call-

And do the little Toils

That make the Circuit of the Rest-

And deal occasional smiles

To lives that stoop to notice mine-

And kindly ask it in-

Whose invitation, know you not?

For whom I must decline?

This triples up almost on themes; it encompasses marriage, class and also possibly a commitment to God. In the case of the first and last idea, patriarchs at the helm controlling what the woman should do. It is ending the woman's life : "My Lifetime folding up-" by marrying for a "Kingdom's Title Deed" and also for religious reasons her life would fold up, the "Kingdom's Title Deed" being instead for heaven rather than actual material wealth. The sharp violent sound of snap on the second line after "He put the Belt around my life" is jolting and draws attention to the woman being controlled, inferior and unable to escape. I prefer the primary idea that thios poem is more to do with marriage than religion, though a dual meaning is rather more likely.

The "He", the first word, the condemning word illustrates where the blame lies, who is being discussed and sets the tone for the rest of the poem. The woman must meekly follow his lead and do as her social status requires ("make the Circuit of the Rest").

Another more disturbing poem Emily Dickinson penned was: -

He fumbles at your Soul

As Players at the keys

Before they drop full music on-

He stuns you by degrees-

Prepares your brittle nature

For the Ethereal Blow

By fainter Hammers-further heard-

Then nearer- Then so slow

Your Breath has time to straighten-

Your Brain- to bubble Cool-

Deals- One- imperial- Thunderbolt-

That scalps your naked Soul-

When Winds take Forests in their Paws-

The Universe- is still-

This poem is again about sex, but I think this time it definitely more violent than the soft passionate lulling of the sea imagery in "Wild Nights! Wild Nights!" This poem is about rape crafted by the aggressive vocabulary selected: "fumbles", "Drop", "stun", "Ethereal Blow", "scalps" and also the line "Deals-One-imperial-Thunderbolt-". The dashes aid the dramatic effect and adds to rather unpleasant reading I think. Again this poem starts with a "He" and deliberately shows the culprit: of course, a man. In this case I am unsure whether it is a husband, but it seems likely. It was typical for this 'without love sex' to be considered within marriage. "Wild Nights!" mentions no "He" in the poem. It infers that a man is present to be "moored" in her harbour, but the lack of presence of a gender allows Dickinson to praise passion, romance and love of its own accord rather than marriage and the conjugal duties accorded to the husband.

So, to conclude... Emily Dickinson is a fan of love and passion but a foe of marriage. Her circumastances in her own life had obviously made her bitter but at a time when she was socially graded by her status, married or unmarried, she would have felt keenly that she had no role in society. Unlike today where women can have a role within and without marriage shows how time has changed. It also makes it hard for us to understand Emily, but essentially we can summise that Emily missed to closeness and happiness love and romance gave but was not sorry to be unmarried. Marriage, she thought, would not allow her to conceive of her passionate ideals of love. Whether she was right, I am unsure, but she penned some fabulous poetry!