Mortality

As if there isn't enough grim stuff floating around in Britain without me adding to it today with the recession and all... I guess it has gotten to me too... plus this is a really shitty time of year, if you forgive me for my use of profanities.

I had a great day out today in Cheltenham with my History gals! It was a really ace day and long overdue! Yet there have been two deaths at work in two months, and OK, they weren't my bestest pals and not the youngest spring chickens at work but Jeez, they were far too young to be shuffling off this mortal coil, I guess subconsciously that today, whilst on the train, I did begin to ponder my own end as it were. Extremely grim I know.

Read no further if you like. I understand. I wouldn't want to either.

So, I was sitting on the train at half eight tonight in Reading just before it left to take me (personally!!haha!) home. A sign came up saying the 1916 train from Gatwick was terminating here. For some reason it made me think back to 1916 and the people then waiting at train stations. Perhaps I should explain here that I think a lot while on trains and would spend a lot of time on them if I could afford the extortionate fares because I do really rather like to think about life and people watch! People are curious creatures. I have had some of best epiphany on trains and now I carry a diary around with me to note down these various ponderings I have... *saddo I hear you cry!*

Anyway, I am deviating yet again.... focus, girl!

So then the sign said that the 2048 train was due shortly... and I thought will I be around, still getting on trains in 2048? I will be three years officially from retiring then, will I have been run over and killed by then? Or will I still be working? And if so where? Will I have died from cancer? Or will I have fought it off? Will I have an early onset of Alzheimer's? Or will I have published a novel by then?

I thought there and then: Who knows? I have no clue what lies ahead. None whatsoever, so that no matter what I may plan for my future today, nature (because I am having some issues with the God ideology thing which I will get around to on a later blog) could puff me out like a candle.

So then I thought, what if medicine came up with an alternative? Would I try it just to avoid the inevitable? Would I freeze myself or something? Would I ever change my mind of how I feel right now? I do not want to grow old, but I wouldn't mind being a little bit wiser. So I thought if vampires are out there, I wouldn't mind being one of them. I do not grow old, but I could become wiser. I wouldn't do the whole eating humans thing. I am feeling rather too humane at the minute for that but I do like chicken and lamb so maybe I will just live off that like they do in Stephanie Meyer's Twilight or something, though the vamps in that tend to live off slightly larger animals....

But with the getting wiser thing I guess I would become more disenchanted with the world or not liking the changes I experience within the world if I lived forever, so I wouldn't want to live forever...

Anyway, in the end, I got home, poured myself a glass of wine and I decided it was all a bit too deep for a Friday evening and it is probably best left to my next train journey.