I am not yours, not lost in you,Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.
You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.
Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.
The conflict between personal strength and the need/want to be completely enveloped by love is something that I think many late Victorian/Edwardian women felt. It had something to do with how they were brought up in the Victorian period (and yes, although Sara was american, the same moral standard applied in the U.S.). With the beginning of the women's movement and the liberating experience it produced for many middle class women there was a vacancy for how to act and a way to channel one's feelings. It had been a problem for a long time, but with changes like this occurring it is hard to know how to adapt. I like this poem because of the way she is battling with herself, her emotions versus her self-control.
Sarah Trevor Teasdale (08/08/1884- 29/01/1933)
Born in St. Louis, Missouri. Teasdale was always very frail, and caught diseases easily. For most of her life, she had a nurse companion that took care of her. Teasdale grew up in a sheltered atmosphere. She was the youngest child. Because of that, she was spoiled and waited on like a princess. She never had to do normal chores, like make her bed, or do the dishes. She was known to have described herself as “a flower in a toiling world”. Because she was so sickly, she was homeschooled until she was nine. She never had communication with her peers. Teasdale grew up around adults. She was forced to amuse heself with stories and things that she made up in her own lonesome world. When Teasdale was ten, she had the first communication with her peers. Her parents sent her to Miss Ellen Dean Lockwood's school for boys and girls. When she was fourteen, she went to Mary Institute. She didn't graduate there, but switched to Hosmer Hall when she was fifteen. There, she began to put the thoughts and dreams that amused her as a girl onto paper. Thus, she wrote her first poem. Teasdale's first published poem was "Reedy's Mirror", and it was published in a local newspaper. Her first collection, "Sonnets to Duse and Other Poems", was published in 1907. In 1911, her second collection, "Sonnets to Duse and Other Poems" was published. She published many other collections including "Rivers to the Sea", "Love Songs", "Flame and Shadow", "Dark of the Moon", "Stars To-night", and finally, "Strange Victory".
In 1913 Teasdale fell in love with poet Vachel Lindsay. He wrote her daily love letters, but she ended up marrying Ernst Filsinger in 1914 when she was 30; he was a rich business man. Teasdale and Lindsay remained friends throughout their lives. In 1918 her poetry collection Love Songs won three awards. Teasdale was a product of her upbringing and was never able to experience the passion that she expressed in her poetry. She was not happy in her marriage, becoming divorced in 1929 and lived the rest of her life only for her poetry. In 1933, Teasdale caught chronic pneumonia and it weakened her not only in body but also in mind and spirit. No longer able to see the beauty in simple things, Teasdale committed suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills at age 48 in New York. Her final book of poetry was published that year. Her friend Lindsay had committed suicide two years earlier.
Born in St. Louis, Missouri. Teasdale was always very frail, and caught diseases easily. For most of her life, she had a nurse companion that took care of her. Teasdale grew up in a sheltered atmosphere. She was the youngest child. Because of that, she was spoiled and waited on like a princess. She never had to do normal chores, like make her bed, or do the dishes. She was known to have described herself as “a flower in a toiling world”. Because she was so sickly, she was homeschooled until she was nine. She never had communication with her peers. Teasdale grew up around adults. She was forced to amuse heself with stories and things that she made up in her own lonesome world. When Teasdale was ten, she had the first communication with her peers. Her parents sent her to Miss Ellen Dean Lockwood's school for boys and girls. When she was fourteen, she went to Mary Institute. She didn't graduate there, but switched to Hosmer Hall when she was fifteen. There, she began to put the thoughts and dreams that amused her as a girl onto paper. Thus, she wrote her first poem. Teasdale's first published poem was "Reedy's Mirror", and it was published in a local newspaper. Her first collection, "Sonnets to Duse and Other Poems", was published in 1907. In 1911, her second collection, "Sonnets to Duse and Other Poems" was published. She published many other collections including "Rivers to the Sea", "Love Songs", "Flame and Shadow", "Dark of the Moon", "Stars To-night", and finally, "Strange Victory".
In 1913 Teasdale fell in love with poet Vachel Lindsay. He wrote her daily love letters, but she ended up marrying Ernst Filsinger in 1914 when she was 30; he was a rich business man. Teasdale and Lindsay remained friends throughout their lives. In 1918 her poetry collection Love Songs won three awards. Teasdale was a product of her upbringing and was never able to experience the passion that she expressed in her poetry. She was not happy in her marriage, becoming divorced in 1929 and lived the rest of her life only for her poetry. In 1933, Teasdale caught chronic pneumonia and it weakened her not only in body but also in mind and spirit. No longer able to see the beauty in simple things, Teasdale committed suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills at age 48 in New York. Her final book of poetry was published that year. Her friend Lindsay had committed suicide two years earlier.
5 comments:
Thankyou for sharing this. The conflict between personal strength and love I feel are issues still efecting women, and perhaps men as well, today, howeve ryou have localised it within the women's movement in particular.
This touchs on my reading of late. The conflict between the individual and society. On of my interests is socialism.
I forced my way through the BBc version of North and South last night. I wish I had taken it in smaller doses, I think I cried from bginning to end.
x
awww man, North and South is superb, probably best taken in smaller doses, but it is heart wrenching at points!
as for the internal conflict I was on about, they are still issues today- I am glad I am not the only one to think so! What have you been reading of late to provoke such thought? The conflict of individual and society is something I am combatting with too... so does Margaret Hale in North and South.
Thanks for your comments as always Psyconym.
I've been reading 'An Introduction to Political Philsophy' by Jonathan Wolff. Way out of my discipline, except the interest in political history. I had some many questions concerning what it was I experience in my head each day, as well as the ideas I'd encountered researching socialism in the 20th century (Labour Party history), that I found myself pulling out 5 different academic books and pretty much started up my reading again (reading as in reading for a degree, though I have long finished the Ba). SO far I've been taken through Hobbes, Locke and Rousseau and rational anachism (and how it doesn't work).
I'd studied the history but I realised I didn't have a complete (if you can)comprehension of the basis of the assumptions concerning human nature of these philsophers, and the political systems they imply, etc etc. The book makes it clear the theory is never completed in practice.
I'll cut this short because I could just go on and on, however my dissertation was on the culture of the working classes of as represented in three 1920s novels. I never really completed my dissertation (inside my head), though I finished it outwardly. Too big a topic. I was fasinated to learn that Rousseau, for example, thought the arts and scienes had done much to ruin the human mind. The opposite was the opinion of Robert Tressell a novlist I studied. So many challenges to the assumption.
Yes I did write the poem, one afternoon whilst board in the job before last. I found it the other day and was inspired to put it on the internet after reading 'I am not yours' on your blog. Glad you liked it. I have a freelance writer as a friend and she was most impresed by your poetry concerning Norwich, which I read out to her.
I need to read the novel of North and South, to relive that experience a lot slower and with my imagination engaged.
I hope this rant was interesting, I had better get back to work!
x
NSSM - It's lovely. It's not just a woman thing though - Edwardian or Victorian - a man might have felt the same (though wouldn't have dared express himself as she does - that's a man thing). Being liberated is not gender specific.
On the BBC version of N&S the moment which I find the most touching is when she kisses his hand - a lovely reversal of the normal expectation - and all the more affecting because of that.
Regards
OF
WOAH! Psyconym! That is some hardcore reading! It is a shame I never got that deeply involved in political history. I dont think it is my particular forte. BUT politics comes into every aspect of history I guess and I do like looking at class history and socialism. I read Hobbes, Locke and Rousseau for a course I did in the first year of university to open our eyes and expand our ideas. It was called the "Enlightenment" our course- we studied the enlightenment (funnily enough) but it was also supposed to expand our thinking beyond that of our ALevels- I suppose it comes coupled with going to a very very left wing university!!
you are right about not having a complete knowledge of human nature, etc. Your dissertation sounds amazing- I really like the topic and period you discussed! I do not think we ever finish our research on these things- I am doing a Masters to expand what I have started with my dissertation! Rousseau was a bit of an oddity bless him, but he had very intriguing ideas!
My dissertation, FYI, was on Marie Stopes from 1918 to 1939ish who tried to provide birth control info and things to women, and in line with her eugenics views, to the working classes to stop them "degeneratibg the race" as she called it. I discussed whether she was for the women/feminist or rather whether she was in it for her eugenicist ideals. Of course I sat on the fence and said it was a mix of both, that was indistinguishable for her, so it would be so for us too!
I really did like your poem! and I am also really pleased your friend liked mine- It was a random spell of creativity= doesn't happen very often!
OLD FOGEY- thank you for your comments as always :) As a man, I was not entirely sure if men did feel this so i thought I would put it more towards female thought. I think it is comforting to know for us women that it happens the same for "the other side" as it were. And as for Margaret Hale kissing Mr Thornton's hand in the BBc adaptation- really nails that scene for me. So moving.
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