Marital Reflections

Ok, so maybe all I have to say on this topic is not necessarily about marital statuses, more on relationships or lack thereof. It appears as if I am on a one-woman band wagon wondering what happened to feminism *please do not roll your eyes in that tone of voice* I refer to the bit where we are all equal, and that we do not require a relationship status to make our lives valid. 

I am not anti-relationship, but I do not see the need to be defined by it either. As so many of my friends are. I mean, how can you know yourself if you are always seen in reference to who you are with- I mean if you continually have the one partner, or even just keep moving from one to another, how do you know yourself? How would you fill your time? What hobbies would you have? Surely you can have a partner and still maintain a certain individuality within that relationship?

My friend recently broke up with her long term boyfriend and even before him, she was in another relationship- in essence, she has not been single since her teens. She said "I don't know what I like doing anymore". Her life was based solely around the relationship. Whilst this is all very well and good, but I wonder, aside from what happens if it all goes wrong, what could you bring to the relationship? You need to know yourself, be yourself (surely?) to be an equal in the relationship. She said she would discover herself again before seeking another relationship. Two weeks later she is on a dating website seeking another beau wondering what to fill her "hobbies" section with. 

I rest my case.

Well, not quite. There are many people who equally have a strong relationship, who have hobbies, who still maintain friendships and have a strong sense of self. Of course, this is wonderful and EXACTLY how it should be. This post is more of a rant at those who seek to impress upon me their needy requirements of a "relationship status" to settle us down in a nice comfy psychological box for their own peace of mind.

Now, what's spurred this tirade on? There is one recent incident which I maintain is responsible for this. Bowling for 3 and half hours. An unlikely situation for this discussion to be broached, don't ya think? But nonetheless it was 3 and half of the longest hours of my life and ones where I kinda wanted to follow the bowling ball down the gutter or throw the aforementioned ball at the soon-to-be-mentioned-well-meaning-woman.

Now this very well-meaning, if very highly-strung, lady could not fathom why I was OK without having a boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee, husband/wife or *gasps* that I am not even actively dating. 

"But you do date, though?"

Non-committal verging on the side of a negative reply.

"What? You don't date? But WHY?"

I merely shrugged and said I didn't care and how would I have time for it even if I did?! The fail safe answer when confronted with a bold mother of 2 trying to ensure every singleton aspires to be in the same conjugal state as them. 

"And are you really OK with that?" 

Erm... yes? I said so didn't I? And anyway, I was perfectly fine with it until you kept going on about it.

This sort of questioning went on for 3 hours. During this time we clarified I was not gay. That yes, I was interested in men. Did I go out? Yes. So you do have a social life? Yes, a very active one, thank you very much. So you have male friends? Yes. But you are not dating them? Not to my knowledge, no. Eventually, when getting onto another topic (another fail safe: health matters), it still ended coming back round to some extent to my being single. 

"Oh my knees- it is getting old... or perhaps it is working- we are on our feet for a long time..."

"Perhaps- it must be quite hard on the knees. Mine are terrible, but then I think that's from dancing."

"You dance?"

"Yep, since I was 3." Beaming proudly.

Pat on the shoulder. "Well, at least you have something...."

ARGH?! *insert flurry of expletives*

To be "alone", i.e. without a boyfriend, therefore must be devoid of some wonderful, hitherto unknown enjoyment of life, as if life would not be worth living if I didn't have that someone to share it with. Whilst it would be lovely to share these moments with someone, perhaps even this tirade, I am not in the position to, but it still does not mean that I cannot be happy?!

The point, conclusion, summary, epitaph even to this post is just this: leave us singletons alone. Some of us are fine. Others may not be fine, but I can guarantee you they don't want their love life being trudged over like a well-worn garden path.You wouldn't want us nit-picking over your sex lives, or there lack of. Similarly, do not nit-pick over ours.