I got back early evening yesterday from a weekend basically based in East Anglia. And I just realised something whilst travelling on the train, panicking that half the tube lines were shut and in my effing wisdom got on the wrong train to the wrong part of London where there were NO tube lines really running and I really HATE London buses. Apart from that I was having a minor epiphany.

My friend has got a new boyfriend and after a long time being single, she is saying it is hard work. Not that anything in life is always easy but you know... She has to think of someone else, when to meet them, etc and it is difficult. Now, I thought about me (as I always selfishly do) and wondered what I would do with a boyfriend. So long being on my own, and quite frankly 75% of the time I have been way happy to be just that, how would I adjust?

Known as "Lala" to my parents with a side portion of feminist cynic and alter ego DramaQueen, I don't think I would easily adapt at all. But on this train whilst mulling over my various fatal flaws, the inadequacies I have found in my life, and what I want from life I have come to the following thoughts. I would say conclusions, but that makes it sound so definite and certain, which out of all things, it certainly is not...

1) Yes, I want to travel and see the world. I would LOVE to see the world. I have a list of places and pictures and clippings from various papers and travel brochures. BUT. There is always a but. There are two things I need to add to this equation. One- I have not the funds to go further than Bury St. Edmund's, never mind flaming Bury in the North, and certainly not to go through Passport Control. Secondly- as much I want to see the world, there is no place I love more than home. Even though as uncool as it may seem, I live my rents. I love coming home. I would never live anywhere else I don't think. I may move to another country for a while, but always with the prospect of coming back home. I travel all over Britain visiting various friends, never really taking a foreign holiday, but then I don't need to. I don't have a stressful job, I read a lot so manage to control my stress by just leaving this plane of living for a while and live in the world of Percy Jackson, Harry Potter or Bella Swan- some kid who had an infinitely dangerous and exciting childhood. I love Britain. How confused I may have been to what is British, I know that I am. And NOT in a BNP kinda way.

2) I am never going to be wealthy. I have a good degree and can do anything with it, but I won't. I want a job that I enjoy, not that I will make lots of money from. I am square with this. I don't think I would want to be wealthy. I have a healthy respect for budgeting and surpassing it :)

3) Despite my mother's protestations that I am TOO picky and TOO serious and at the same TOO oblivious, I am quite happy holding out for "the right guy". I am enjoying my independence and I want to be a female version of Stephen Fry (albeit without homosexual tendencies), to live a bachelorette existence. I could be genuinely happy to never find anyone. That is scary, but also slightly reassuring. Anyhoo.

I love trains. They are my thinking places. Some people go for walks, me? I prefer public transport.

Anyhoo report on weekend antics sure to follow.

Also since I missed my 100th blog, this is my 175th I believe. I think I have waffled on for long enough!!

Stephen Fry flaying alive the Catholic Church: One Ex-Catholic's Views

You may have noticed that I beginning to get my flow back on the bloggingness and I have been checking out some new bloggers, and having found one and finding this YouTube clip on their site, I would still be feeling confused as to how I voice some of the intense despise I have for the faith I was so strongly brought up in.

I was brought up a strict Catholic. I went to church every Sunday- made to recite all the prayers by heart, kneel at the right parts, scorn those who were clear outsiders for not knowing when to stand-up/kneel/other... I went to a Catholic nursery, a Catholic primary school, a grammar Convent school and when I hit a Left-Wing almost socialist university, I guess it came to a head what I was really thinking.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

I was uncomfortable with it long before this. It helped that my Dad's quiet Atheism counteracted the forcefulness of my Mam's faith, although I think she is not so strongly Catholic after divorcing my Dad and the reaction she got. But this counter-viewpoint always provided me with an axle with which I could step back and see two opposing viewpoints.

My Dad allowed by Mam to baptise both me and my brother a few months after we were born believing that perhaps it would instill in us some moral compass that perhaps had been lacking in his upbringing. (I have also been confirmed, and needless to say I have attended my Communion). I guess it did in some ways, and despite my sometimes intense dislike of organised religion, especially that of Catholicism, I won't regret it. I have an inbuilt system of right and wrong, almost- some may argue- to the point where I will argue the opposite of what I once believed in and to an extreme level. I am now very much a feminist, pro-life, pro-euthanasia and I often wonder what influence my education in Catholic institutions and within the Catholic faith had on me.

Taking a step back now, I can gain an open view and can understand how people can believe so devoutly. To the point on occasion that I can be jealous that I do not have the same hopes for my afterlife. (Of course, religion always crops up in death... curious, or as expected as that maybe...)

This clip of Stephen Fry on Catholicism, for the Intelligence Squared debate really got me thinking.

There is a lot inherently wrong with the Catholic faith but it hit the nail on the head for me.

I had a wild time once I reached university. Out of my homestead, away from most of my similarly educated friends and without such a strict force directing my moral compass, I "misbehaved". But Stephen really nails it on the head. The Catholic Church is NOT A FORCE OF GOOD. This is what he states. And with his usual clarity he states that the Catholic Church is obsessed with sex. Like an anorexic or the morbidly obese, this is the Catholic Church relationship with the Church in a "nutshell". Sex is "natural" and a "primary impulse" and to stop it is to deny the fundamental human nature. It is no different from saying that you deny yourself human contact, food or water. It would drive you mad or kill you.

NOTE: there is a great deal of historical literature beginning to emerge about the 'anorexic nun' and its connection to sex, self-denial, etc.

I would like to say that I never knew of any sexual abuse or anything whilst at school, but I can't deny that it doesn't go on. That aside, the money and wealth the Catholic church harbour, they do relatively little good with it. It isn't given away, they do not do earth-shatteringly religious or charitable deeds with it... They do not end world hunger... you know that they could probably begin to achieve that with their wealth...

And just as a closing point, Stephen pointed out how Thomas More, the torturer for what each Catholic now owns- a Bible in their own language- has now been made the patron saint of politicians by the current pope, I believe. What influence does history have on us? What sort of role model should More be to us? More accurately to politicians?

Just my deep philosophical thought of the day :) probably of the week :)

Today, I am mostly these ten things...

1) Relaxed- I am currently chilling out, online obviously but have also been watching some good old rom coms, namely You've Got Mail, and period dramas of the A Room with a View variety. Also checked out Charlie Wilson's War today- ace stuff! Political and entertaining. Rarely those two words have been used in conjunction, sparing of course the part-time comedian-cum-politician Boris Johnson!

2) Happy- Surprisingly so. Been to uni this weekend, had a wicked weekend and realised that I have successfully detached myself from it. I do miss it, but I realise I miss the people and the lifestyle more than the actual place, which is good for me. I am continuously surprised by my natural emotional ability to work things out by themselves eventually.

3) Digging my cheap primark stretchy t-shirt! £2 and it is comfy and it is blue!

4) Enjoying roast dinners- something I definitely missed at uni! These are the epitome of English cuisine after fish and chips, curry and the fried breakfast... no wonder on reflection we have some the highest obesity rates! wooo hooo rock on my expanding waist line! More roast tatties please, Mam!

5) Tippling the Lambrini... For old times sake I have bought some and sipping it now. Slightly alcoholic lemonade really. Cheap and cheerful and very studenty!

6) Sad about Sharpe's Peril. Having been recommended it at work, I am slightly disappointed with it. Rock on Hornblower all the way... yum Ioan Gruffard... However, slightly shocked by the way to see him covorting on the screen along side Stephen Fry in Wilde as his gay fling! Very shocking stuff, however, I am sooo going to buy it! ... and some Oscar Wilde books too... I have long been a 'quote addict', that is someone who enjoys reading and gathering quotes, for quite a while and I shall have to put them up here eventually... and Wilde by far has my highest regard, so I have reckoned with myself that I really need to start reading his stuff. A wise man. Plus forever more I do believe I will picture Oscar Wilde as Stephen Fry (God I love that man- check out QI folks- tis the shiz!)

7) Loving the advert breaks today- I have days when I want to watch something on tv and simultaneously read. Advert breaks help me to do both without being mean to the book and not giving it my full attention and likewise with the tv programme! Plus also good time to fetch cheese and crackers with a cuppa tea for the next episode of Location, Location, Location or whatever it is called with my mam!

8) Too hot! This is hot as in the heating is on, half the house is well insulated due to strictly enforced government restrictions on new buildings so the extension part of the house is baking... no heat is going out, but the old part of the house is freezing due to 1933-ness of the house. Crazy shiz... Really need to relocate to shiny new decorated lounge where it is cool and obviously still smells like paint.... I love that smell...

9) Loving my bed... I have recognised the full greatness of my bed. It may be a single but I have had it forever and it is soooooo COMFY. It was my first bed and I have never had another and we are looking at replacing it and I am rather attached to it *sad face* I had a good, long lie in today and it was lovely. I have five pillows but I only ever sleep on two, maybe three, the rest just surround and make the bed uber comfy. I like my bed. I email from it, I watch movies, read, eat breakfast and of course sleep.

10) Concerned about the upcoming USA presidental elections... I am really worried. I am not entirely convinced who should win, who shouldn't win- you make think these are the same, but sometimes it is more about who you don't want to win an election than who you do. I am pretty sure I do not want Palin anywhere near the White House if it can be helped and if McCain coughs it, she will be president. How scary is that.... someone who thought it was the French President on the line... She'll never make it alive through the medianess! Still, media representations are often skewed, so i could be wrong, and to be fair, there is lttle I can do about it from England... good luck to us all...

That's all folks :D