The Purpose??

On days like today I wonder... Is barreling backwards and forwards boxes of audio guides where I want to go in life?

No is the answer, but it does pay the bills (what little of them I have to pay at the moment!) and the people I work with generally always a good laugh. Still, days like today I wish there was just something with a little more substance than just ME in my life.

I am a Leo (starsign) for sure, which means I am supposed to like being the centre of attention. Now this works for me in a perverse way- I like to earn my way to be the centre of attention. I do not want to be the centre of attention just because it is my birthday for example- I have not chosen my birthday. I have not earned it therefore I do not want to be centre stage. I had this issue when dancing in competitions- If I didn't feel I earnt it or just didn't car you can bet you bottom dollar I wouldn't have danced my best! I am a buggar like that... :) However, my first degree- now I worked MY ARSE off for that so I am quite proud of that and will do my showpiece best to be in the limelight.

Otherwise I live for other people. Apart from that slight egotistical twist in my character I do prefer to live my life around others. I like to have people celebrate things and do things that I tag along to..

My basic point of this blog is that one of my friend, with two kids, is getting married next month. She is the same age as me. She has everything worked out (or at least I think she does.) I am no closer to being married (not that I want to be married necessarily) or have kids (optional) but she knows what she wants and what she is doing. She is charge of people (kids) that rule her day to day life. While I shouldn't envy her that, I do. I PREFER not to think about me. I am no closer to being a responisble adult that when I left for uni. I am still doing a studenty type job and I have no solid concrete plans.

However, one day in the near future I am sure I will regret this blog and my carefree manner when I have a life of too much responisbility and full of kids and partners needs. Still, today, I feel like a teenager.

Rant over :)

How things change... and faster than I thought!

SJ AND ME
ME, BRADDERS AND JENAH
HATTY, ME, JENNY BURT, JENAH, SJ, RACHEL, NATALIE, BRADDERS... THE BALL...
ZARA, KIRSTY AND LEANNE

ZARA, JENAH, KIRSTY, ME, SJ, HATTY... BEACH AT TORREMOLINOS

TOM, CLAIRE, ME AND LIZ

HATTY, SJ, LEANNE, ZARA BEFORE THE DRUNKEN NIGHT!

So, university will be officially declared over on Friday as I don the regulatory mortar board, robe and hood and walk up the steps to receive my degree. Sad really. All it takes is a probable hand shake, an acceptance of a piece of paper and an exeunt then the best three years of my life are over. They have not been smooth sailing for sure, but they have made me. I am a confident young woman, probably too confident, but a damn sure better than the trampled youth of school, beleagured by bullies and friends alike, though of course in two totally different ways. Still, it is the end. And already I fear friendships are breaking up. Saying goodbye is something I hate but I am wondering whether, if we were to drift apart, it is better to draw the line somewhere and pinpoint the moment when contact failed rather than let it peter out...

hum... I am still deciding. I have got an entire day off tomorrow to ponder the situation, probably talk it over with a mate I am meeting tomorrow night in a pub- much drunken ramblings to ensue I would imagine-and then settle down, grit my teeth and finish off what I set out to do. The void however is unfulfilled. Many of my friends say I have a job, what more do i need at the moment? Indeed this is true (especially since many do not have a job at all), but the fact that I could earn more money in Tescos on the checkout than I do working where I am is depressing, but in truth I would love to stay where I am!! I enjoy it! History and people combined. 'Tis ideal! The idea of working in an archive, although I would love it in its own way, would kill me slowly. I need people and to enthuse them... some say teaching, but I am not entirely sure that that isn't another form of slow death either. Never mind, I have until October and further if I need it, but my own deadline is October... anyways getting back to times gone by and things lost...

Sad times... just want to upload to photos of me and my uni gals enjoying what was our last term together...