Children, The World's Little Angels and Natural Comedians!

Now I haven't been working at the Castle for all that long, but as far as I can tell, you are always guaranteed a laugh from one of the kids that comes through your room. Now here are a few things I have noticed about children at Windsor Castle that is really endearing, even if naughty...

1) Rope Fun! No matter what the room or exhibit is, the ropes are always the most interesting aspect. They have to run their hands up and down the rope for the entire room or the game is lost. They have to swing at least one rope really hard and look to see if Mummy/Daddy/Warden is paying attention.

2) Grumps and Charmers. You tend to get two types of children. The Grumps and the Charmers. The Grumps are just hilarious as they pout, grumble and stick their little tongues out in defiance. They give you one withering scowl and move on to scowl at someone else too. The Charmers will give you the biggest grin, giggle, gurgle and gasp at you giving them attention and really make your day. Those really will be the heartbreakers when they are older, as cliched as it may sound. However, as a tendency, the Grumps, barring the occasional floor rolling tantrum (see below), are better behaved because they know they haven't charmed you off your feet so will not hasten to sit on a the two hundred year old throne or the three hundred year old chair or rock the unstable old table with a priceless vase on top, as invariably the toddling wee Charmers do! I couldn't but laugh on seeing a little boy cheekily sitting on the chair after sneaking under the ropes whilst I was telling off one of his relatives for using their mobile phone!!

3)The Tantrums. Deary me. We do see a lot of them. And the parents are just as funny. Seeing little children throw themselves on the soft carpets and roll around while incoherently exclaiming some vast wrong been committed by their parents to them. Some will be placated by the soft carpet and the fun of rolling around. Others will have great fun at causing the most noise and attract the most attention as possible whilst their red-faced parents (from both anger and embarrassment) drag said child out of the room.

4) Pushchairs. Now, I never knew that children invested so much emotional value in their pushchairs. This little girl earnestly told me I was to look after her pushchair with particular care. On collecting it with her mother she marched around it making sure everything was as it should be before placing her bottom primly in the seat and giving her mother a solemn nod of OK. Kids have wailed at having their pushchair being put in storage, even if they hadn't even been seated in it!

5) Nudes. Again no matter what else is in the room, excluding of course the ropes as previously mentioned, kids will immediately find the portrait of the lady with her breasts exposed and the cherub on the ceiling with a small willy, resulting in the parents or teachers (internally giggling) red-faced trying to explain that it is artistic/that was how they dressed/they are naughty/because they didn't have clothes, etc.

6) Audio Guides. Audio Guides are both swords, swinging fun and telephones. Kids will have duels with these things jabbing their best friend in the eye, stomach or back with it, smacking their sister in the mouth, their dads in the legs and whacking themselves in the privates. Others talk back to the audio guide asking questions like "Well, where is it then?" Or they comment like "you're lying, I can't see it". Or "Hey, I see it. That's cool, isn't it? What is it? yeah..." The best comment I ever heard is, "The small person in the mobile, Mummy, says we need to press number 12 now." Cute!

7) If there is a puddle, it must be jumped in, even if it splashing rain water up an American man's trouser leg.

8) If you let a three year old child push their own pushchair, it will be pushed down the hill and out of sight with the new china plates you have just bought out of the shop.

9)If there is a most inconvenient place to squat and take a look around the room, it will be right in the middle of where everyone is walking.

10) And finally, if there is something that can be touched, it will be.

Without kids, even the mischievous ones, my day would be long and dull. May I be able to have kids and lots of them when I too am all growed up! :D hee hee... The World's Natural Comedians!