Friday 8 May 2009

MY Gaping Hole

I want to be that
I want to be that with
Such longing
But will never be.

It depresses you
And makes your life
Feel inadequate
And a pale ghost of what it should be.

It gasps and swallows you whole
That blackness clouding you,
Then blanketing you
Then nothing.

I strive hard but never enough
One day I will find that ideal
But not yet, not yet.
I have to earn it first.
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2 comments:

Old Fogey said...

It's a kind of yawning cloud of longing for - fulfillment, love, riches? It's also, more prosaically, a need to be needed, to be useful. There's bit in S&S where Marianne, after being let down by Willoughby, decides on a programme of early rising, piano practice and reading. Doing exactly what Elinor wanted. It's occupation - occupation, using some of her skills and talents irrespective, just becasue she has them. You'll never find anything that exhausts all your talents. But enough to feel you've been useful. Don't despair. It's a difficult time. Keep reading, keep working, get down in among those dusty books and see what you can do. Nil disperandum.
OF

19 May 2009 at 22:34
The Not-so-Spotless Mind said...

:) Nil desperandum indeed. I will. The despair I think has been chased away for a little while... Just wait until I get amongst my dusty books :)
I didn't think of the S&S connection there- I can see it though. I would like to find some use for my talents and feel "useful" for a little while!!
Thanks OF!!!!!! XX

19 May 2009 at 23:24

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