SCHOOL "CHUMS"

Argh.... I had that moment yesterday that we all dread- when we meet someone unexpectedly who we went to school with. We so desperately want to be impressive and cool and important.

Yeah, guess what?

It didn't happen!

I was wearing a daft hat at work, standing outside in the muggy heat welcoming pervy old men into *enter tourist industry* with midges and greenflies from an infected nearby tree roaming around my head and having a particular affinity with my face!! Then she rocks up, thin, pretty (as she always was) and with a cute American boyfriend.

Damn.

At least she talked to me right? And seemed well pleased to talk to me- I hope it was not out of smugness for my situation! She is a dancer (professionally.) She left school and never looked back. She works hard. She now dances all over the world. In America for example. She was on holiday in the UK and bringing her boyfriend home and showing him the area. Damn. I can't really beat that. "What have you been up to?" "I work here, graduated last summer...." I tail off and ask more questions about her.

I just lack the cool-factor.

At least she was really nice. I am really grateful for that. And the memory of me beating her in a tap dancing competition once when I was little is particularly comforting... It is a consolation prize of "I could have done that if I had wanted to!" I did used to want to be a dancer... I just lack the natural aggression and bitchiness inherent in the industry to do it and be successful. I am far to easily manipulated by other people's thoughts of me.

It harks back to a convo I had with my dancing girls- when we had a bit of a get together at Easter. Jo and Polly had really tried to get into the industry. They are pretty self-assured characters. They know who they are and what they want in life. I am not. Neither was my other friend Charis. She was suffering from the same issues I had at uni. Polly and Jo gave up on the dancing game. Too competitive. Dancing wasn't fun anymore. If they couldn't do it, I would have been breakfast for the competition. I would have been eaten alive.

At the end of the day I am just pround of my historyness, my lumpy mid-section (instead of hardcore steely abs) and idiosyncracies!

Just at moments like that one yesterday... I just wished I had a shred of coolness.