On days like today I wonder... Is barreling backwards and forwards boxes of audio guides where I want to go in life?
No is the answer, but it does pay the bills (what little of them I have to pay at the moment!) and the people I work with generally always a good laugh. Still, days like today I wish there was just something with a little more substance than just ME in my life.
I am a Leo (starsign) for sure, which means I am supposed to like being the centre of attention. Now this works for me in a perverse way- I like to earn my way to be the centre of attention. I do not want to be the centre of attention just because it is my birthday for example- I have not chosen my birthday. I have not earned it therefore I do not want to be centre stage. I had this issue when dancing in competitions- If I didn't feel I earnt it or just didn't car you can bet you bottom dollar I wouldn't have danced my best! I am a buggar like that... :) However, my first degree- now I worked MY ARSE off for that so I am quite proud of that and will do my showpiece best to be in the limelight.
Otherwise I live for other people. Apart from that slight egotistical twist in my character I do prefer to live my life around others. I like to have people celebrate things and do things that I tag along to..
My basic point of this blog is that one of my friend, with two kids, is getting married next month. She is the same age as me. She has everything worked out (or at least I think she does.) I am no closer to being married (not that I want to be married necessarily) or have kids (optional) but she knows what she wants and what she is doing. She is charge of people (kids) that rule her day to day life. While I shouldn't envy her that, I do. I PREFER not to think about me. I am no closer to being a responisble adult that when I left for uni. I am still doing a studenty type job and I have no solid concrete plans.
However, one day in the near future I am sure I will regret this blog and my carefree manner when I have a life of too much responisbility and full of kids and partners needs. Still, today, I feel like a teenager.
Rant over :)
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Blessed are the forgetful, which I am, so here is my blog to note down the various ponderings, rants and curiosities that strike me.
About Me
- The Not-so-Spotless Mind
- Newbie mummy, a fully-fledged ardent librarian, still a keen ex-history student and part time renegade feminist. I have many titles, but these are the most pertinent :)
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2 comments:
Other people aren't always the best comparison. I get the idea that somewhere inside there's your own idea of what you want to be, which is frustrated now. It's a good idea to hold onto, that idea of yourself. Envying someone else who seems sorted is natural enough but their way may not be yours. Your degree is a measure of what you can do, of your intellectual quality. Don't let that go.
You're in a bit of a rut at the moment, I guess. You won't always be there. In the end, in an odd way, you may find yourself comfortable doing something you may not have thought you would in the high, exhilerating days when you got your degree.
From the sound of you, you might be a good teacher.
OF
thanks OF. I am considering teaching at the moment actually, and I most definitely am stuck in the rut!! All my friends have these high powered jobs with targets and stuff and I just lark around a castle all day! I was feeling a little bit restless and aimless! I am feeling better now and am finding myself a little more restful than I was when I wrote this blog! As you say I just need to keep in mind of what I want to be! The idea of the game is to keep focused on what you want right?
Hope everything is great with you! X
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